I Once, Twice, Three Times Molested ... And Then I Was Groomed And Raped.

The first time was actually ongoing between ages 5-7. Mom had a boyfriend, Bill, with whom she'd get drunk. Invariably he would take me down into the basement, turn me over his knee, beat my *** with his calloused mechanic hands, and then when the pain turned to numbness he would finger **** me to punish me a little more. Two years ... just about every day ... and I knew I deserved it or why would it happen?

The second time was shortly after Bill had begun his assault on my *** while attending Vacation Bible School. Pastor Donald called me into his office to tell me how pretty I was. He had me kiss and lick his **** until he shot his load on my face and began calling me a filthy temptress and that it was all my fault. None of it would have happened if I hadn't tempted him. I'd better not talk to anyone about this or God would punish me even more than he was already going to for tempting him. Later that evening, I told my mother that I didn't want to go back to VBS. It was cheap babysitting for her and so she wouldn't hear it. I started crying and began to try to tell her why when Bill (remember Bill, I do) grabbed me and took me downstairs to give me something "real" to cry about. **** in both holes in one day by two different men ... at age 5.

The third molestation was a babysitter at age 8. The usually young woman who watched after my sister and I wasn't available so her brother came instead ... in my mouth. He had a few sessions to teach me how to fellate him properly, on the same basement sofa where Bill had fingered me. He didn't come on my face though ... he made sure I swallowed it all and licked up what I missed.
and he did leave my *** alone so it didn't hurt physically ... he was actually sort of gentle in his psychosexual abuse.

Mom was still too drunk to care. She threw me out at 14 because I wouldn't eat steamed okra.
and within 3 months I had met a 21 year old guy who I looked up to as a friend, role model, and party buddy. We were practically inseparable, I think I was his chick magnet, but I got laid during the time soo ... Then one night we got drunk together and it was all a blur, but I recall him sodomizing me and telling me thank you before he left. I tried to call him the next day, days, weeks. He never returned my calls. I never saw him again. Discarded like a used Kleenex.

Since then, I've perpetuated a host of self abuse for about 3 decades until about 6 years ago, when I got sober and began taking stock of who I am, what I believe, whom I want to be and whom I want to be with. I've just recently gotten under the hood of my gender and sexual identity to accept that I LOVE crossdressing, I'm straight by preference (sorry guys, I was born this way, though aren't we all a little bi when it comes down to it, just wanting to share our beings with one another) .

Today recovery is full of hope ... I might even meet that special woman who sometimes wants to take me out as her girlfriend to dinner, the movies, dancing ... .

Jerielle Jerielle
46-50, T
1 Response Oct 30, 2012

i understand as well as someone who went through similar circumstances can understand. Look for my story in this group.