My Bestfrien's Dad

,...I was at my best friend's house...drinking, smoking, the usual..!!!! It was past 1 when I decided to leave...my bestie J, was already asleep, she couldnt drive me so her dad told me he would take me home...i was ok with that, i knew him forever so no worries....i had just come out a few months before so he knew i was gay...got in the car and then just out of the blue, he asked me to suck his ****....i said no and then he attacked me....ive never told anyone this, i guess being behind a computer screen makes it easier......he has scarred me for life and i hate him for it...i hate my friend for it....i can still feel him on me, his breath, everything, and me crying and screaming at him to stop but he didnt stop, and now im so lost because of it....id like to think i was good so why did this have to happen to me....? i honestly dont know how i got home that night, the next day i woke up in my bed,...i wish it had been a dream, but the evidence was all there...its been a few weeks now and some days are better than others....i dont know what to do, my parents think im going through a phase with the non-responsive attitude but i cant tell them what happened, they'll probably think i invited it.....im crying writing this...i used to be so confident and happy and now im just lost and confused and sad and angry...sometimes i just wanna die!!!!!!!!!!! i hate what this is doing to me..........
idontwannadream idontwannadream
18-21, M
19 Responses Nov 29, 2012

This is terrible and I can't find anything positive to say, except one day, you will be able to help someone else. I hope this helps...

I notice what happens with many gay guys who are raped as children and don't seek help, they either become very angry, mal-adjusted adults or they become nice, sweet guys who allow others to take advantage of them--the worse thing that happens is when they confuse any sexual attention for love because then other guys will take advantage of them easily--there are a lot or predators out there and a lot of adult gay men who are so used to being the victim that they seek relationships that mimic their abusive encounter as a way to cope and take ownership of their pain ... often they stay with someone who is abusive trying to change the person and in that way forgive their abuser or at least make it "all OK" ... it's an interesting psychology ... love/hate combined ... the resentment for the pain caused juxtaposed against the physical pleasure that brought or brings them guilt and made them feel even more confused. Now they can be the bigger person--not only change the abuser but also bring him to "see the light" ... much the way the wife of an alcoholic hopes that her pain and abuse will make her husband change

im sorry u went through this ordeal..i will pray for you

My heart goes out to you over your ordeal,i do have to comment because i think that rape is one of those crimes that people cant see the damage it causes from an emotional and physical point of view,and personally i consider anyone who does commit this crime to be nothing but PURE SCUM.i would cut his bollox off and stuff whats left up his arse,douse him in petrol and burn the bastard to a crisp.

I'm not mad at her but we've since started growing apart....

I'm sorry dude really I am but don't let this guy ruin your life he's not worth it at all. And I hope over time your get better and maybe have the courage to speak up about what happened. Btw why are u mad at your friend for what happened?

Don't let this barstad ruin you he's not worth it. So if you could go In front of the mirror and look at yourself what has changed, then smile this is you and you are proud of it. Now do your hair put on your favorite clothes march right into that police station and have a serious talk with them make it clear what happened. but don't tell your friends it's weird and they might judge you. Once that sicko is behind bars visit him, stick out your tongue make fun of him, be confident and tell him how great your life is without him and how he is *******. Smile and walk out.You will feel so much better trust me

Please DON'T. Just don't. That would be like letting the stupid **** win. It didn't happen because you're gay. It happened because the guy was sick and twisted and thought he could get away with it, because he was an adult and you were a young boy. He knew he could overpower you and that has nothing to do with your masculinity. He thought that he could take advantage because you had been drinking and doing whatever. I think it could've been much worse if you had fought.

All I know is that eventually it will become less painful and with help you could reclaim your sexuality and separate it from what had happened to you.

thanks.....

hey man, you should tell someone about what happened to you and not let yourself be victim. many guys will pick people they think or know will not defend themselves or speak up. your friend's dad has probably done this before--it's a behavior pattern and he won't stop until someone catches him or turns him in

i dont really have someone i trust that much with me to tell them....plus im scared he finds out and does something cause so many people can't keep secrets....i really have no choice but to live with this...going to the police for me is really not the best thing i could do, even if i want to, a lot...but what will his family, or mine think of all this, i really dont see the support flooding in for me, i really dont...

then you are making the conscious choice to be a victim-- that is not good. you can tell a teacher, even your friend whose dad raped you. he/she may not believe you, but that is not the point. the point is to speak up and not let other people use you.
I know people who have been in similar situations and now as adults people around them take advantage of them both sexually and economically and they allow it because they think it's ok or they feel they have no choice or are afraid to be alone or some other justification ... ultimately you have control and you can choose to exercise it or not.
it is possible your friend's dad will do that to you again, if he hasn't already done so.

you're right....absolutely right...

did not mean to sound self righteous or tell you what to do, but I think you need to take control ... don;t abdicate control of your happiness and fulfillment to others--if you do, you will never be happy.

what you said is true...i know that its probably the right thing to do but im just not there yet...maybe ill never say what happened but i dont plan on letting this control me...or my happiness....

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I AM SORRY.SIMULAR HAPPENED TO ME WITH STEPBROTHERS.

sucks right....one of the many life shockers i guess....

Hi hun, I've added you. I can't access meebo at work, but if I'm here, PM's work just fine...
(((HUGS))) It's not your fault. You did not deserve it. You did not ask for it. You did not want it.
You are not a bad person. You are still a good human being. You are still worth loving. You are worth being helped.
I'm very sorry this happened to you.

thank you...some days are better than others, had been having couple of good weeks and then christmas day made me go back to square 1 so now im just holding on...being brave, sort of...thanks again

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry for what happened to you. Nobody deserves this, and I can't imagine the pain and horror you must have felt/feel. Know that you are not alone. My mom works as a victim advocate of people who are abused and sexually assaulted, and I have heard some horror stories. I think that it is best to file a report or call the cops, and somehow see to it that this sick bast*** pays for what he did to you.

I was molested since I was 5 and almost raped when I was 9 I remember how it hurt like hell when he tried to penetrate me but luckily he stopped I think he feared the neighbours or someone will hear my screaming so I'm still I'm 14 now and still a virgin happily,but yes I also have suicidal thoughts and started cutting my I think my mom immediately noticed me wearing just long shirts and hiding my wrists so she just kept quiet and let my get trough it myself that was 2weeks ago and I stopped for I think my mom silently gave me support and it helped I'm bi sexual now and think it might be because I was scared for guys I'm a girl and I'm not going to say the healthiest but I'm coping I told my mom what happened when I was 11 it was bad for she cried a lot for not being there for me and I think she felt guilty but trough the years she seamed to understand and give me silently support by just giving me space and time and for not pressuring me so tell your parents and remember they will have their own way of showing their support for they know what is best for you!:) good luck!!!

I'm so sorry that happened to you, no one deserves to go through that. And just because you have a certain sexual preference doesn't mean that you invited him to do that to you by any means. What he did was sexual assault. I know it can be hard and shameful to tell your parents something like that...I was sexually assaulted when I was 12 and didn't ended up telling my mom 10 years later. She was so sad that I hadn't told her sooner, because she wished she could have been there for me...I'm sure your parents would want the same thing. And wow does it feel good to tell, if not to your parents then maybe you'd feel comfortable talking to some sort of counselor or by calling a hotline? You've taken a wonderful first step already by posting on here.

I'm so sorry that happened to you, no one deserves to go through that. And just because you have a certain sexual preference doesn't mean that you invited him to do that to you by any means. What he did was sexual assault. I know it can be hard and shameful to tell your parents something like that...I was sexually assaulted when I was 12 and didn't ended up telling my mom 10 years later. She was so sad that I hadn't told her sooner, because she wished she could have been there for me...I'm sure your parents would want the same thing. And wow does it feel good to tell, if not to your parents then maybe you'd feel comfortable talking to some sort of counselor or by calling a hotline? You've taken a wonderful first step already by posting on here.

I'm so sorry that happened to you, no one deserves to go through that. And just because you have a certain sexual preference doesn't mean that you invited him to do that to you by any means. What he did was sexual assault. I know it can be hard and shameful to tell your parents something like that...I was sexually assaulted when I was 12 and didn't ended up telling my mom 10 years later. She was so sad that I hadn't told her sooner, because she wished she could have been there for me...I'm sure your parents would want the same thing. And wow does it feel good to tell, if not to your parents then maybe you'd feel comfortable talking to some sort of counselor or by calling a hotline? You've taken a wonderful first step already by posting on here.

I'm so sorry that happened to you, no one deserves to go through that. And just because you have a certain sexual preference doesn't mean that you invited him to do that to you by any means. What he did was sexual assault. I know it can be hard and shameful to tell your parents something like that...I was sexually assaulted when I was 12 and didn't ended up telling my mom 10 years later. She was so sad that I hadn't told her sooner, because she wished she could have been there for me...I'm sure your parents would want the same thing. And wow does it feel good to tell, if not to your parents then maybe you'd feel comfortable talking to some sort of counselor or by calling a hotline? You've taken a wonderful first step already by posting on here.

I'm so sorry that happened to you, no one deserves to go through that. And just because you have a certain sexual preference doesn't mean that you invited him to do that to you by any means. What he did was sexual assault. I know it can be hard and shameful to tell your parents something like that...I was sexually assaulted when I was 12 and didn't ended up telling my mom 10 years later. She was so sad that I hadn't told her sooner, because she wished she could have been there for me...I'm sure your parents would want the same thing. And wow does it feel good to tell, if not to your parents then maybe you'd feel comfortable talking to some sort of counselor or by calling a hotline? You've taken a wonderful first step already by posting on here.

Im so sorry for your pain...ring a rape crisis line because they have trained counsellors who can help and say all the right things. You didnt deserve any of this. If you were my son Id want to know...your parents love you and you probably should report it to the Police too.

i wanna tell my parents but my dad and i have this strained relationship and we just dont click and if i tell my mum, shes gonna tell my dad so its the same thing...im really alone in this...sux.....

thats hard....you shouldnt have to be alone. You're the victim in all of this, thats why you need to find support. I wish I could be more helpful. I have sons...http://www.aftersilence.org/male-survivors.php

thanks anyways, im gonna go on that site now,,,thanks for caring....even if i dont know you....means a lot,...bet your kids are lucky to have you as their mom

Thankyou! Mine are teenagers and they probably dont always think so just as i didnt always think so about my parents as a teenager! lol...but no matter what, remember your parents DO love you and care for you.
Even as an adult there I are things I dont tell my parents, so i understand you need your privacy on this one...but dont hesitate to get help on here or other support sites. There are plenty who will care and help you.

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