The First Man To Break My Heart Is My Dad.

My parents are married for 16 years. they loved each other so much, especially my mom (who is religious) always thanked god for saving her by bringing him. (her previous husband was abusive/ a cheater/a liar). my dad loved her, and he loved me a lot too, because he did everything he ever could to make me happy, from buying me a toy, to standing up for me at school. so not long ago, about 6 months ago, my mom had suspicions of him cheating. he would hide his phone, be cold with her, and come home late at like 12 (the bar he goes to closes at 10).

so one day she got a hold of his phone, and she read messages of things like "i love you" from a contact called "princess" (the same thing he calls me) and other flirting kind of messages. she confronted him, and he got drunk and denied it all, and said mean things like i am not his daughter from this day on and he told my mom that when they got married, he made her sign "separation" papers (meaning that if they did divorce, everything would go back to what they had before marriage, meaning no halfs). my mom knows he would never be worried about taking his money, because when they did get married they were both in the same financial position. this could mean that he had doubts about the marriage lasting. so my mom went to sleep crying and i didn't sleep all night.

she eventually got a hold of the mistress's number and she made my older brother talk to her and explain that if she continues to have an affair with my dad, she will call the police (in this country, adultery is a jail crime). after that, she made my dad call her in front of my mom and tell the mistress that its over. things were ok after, not amazing or like before, but sustainable. i thought this was because my mom was still upset and it would take a while for her to forgive him fully. well, at least that's what i thought.

so for Christmas and new years, me and my mom went to italy (to visit family.. HIS SIDE of the family). he said he couldn't go because he had to finish a construction project before the due date (this is totally believable, we know how his job is).

we came back and everything was fine the first three days. then my older brother told my mom how on Christmas and new years he came home the next day at 9am. my mom was so scared, and i was too. she started asking around, she explained to her friends what was happening and she visited his workplace and talked to the guards. this is what she found out; he had been spotted several times at a different bar than his usual with a woman. a woman also visited his workplace once in a while. my mom was broken.

she cried to me and she asked me what she should do. i gave the best advice i could. i told her that perhaps he was having a phase, and maybe when he realizes that the woman (or several) is only using him for his money. she felt better and ranted about it, but i didn't mind because its better that she got her anger out.

she currently lives in the guest room, and she doesn't make his lunch/dinner for him anymore, but she used too (even though she worked full time and he would come home very late drunk). she wants a divorce.

I HATE THIS. i stll somehow cant believe he's doing this, as he came to my play and gives me my allowance and takes me to school as usual. he just doesn't say anything to her. he doesn't deny or talk about it with her. i hate how he's treating her, i hate him for this. i hate how he broke the love with my mom, the same love i always looked up to. my mom isn't financially stable at all now, as she spent her life savings buying an apartment in Italy for my older sister, and for her own future retirement. moving there is no option, because i need to finish school here. she's stuck, and so am i.

please, i don't know what to do. my dad is a man of few words, and still sees me as a 10 year old who doesn't understand anything, so its not possible to talk to him or have a family meeting. tell me, please;

WHAT DO I DO?
jessica212121 jessica212121
18-21, F
2 Responses Jan 20, 2013

First of all I'm so sorry for the things you have to go through, Jessica. I'm also 16 and I'm so sure that my dad is also cheating on my mom but I won't go deep. From my experience I suggest you talk to your mom or dad (preferably your dad because of your mom's financial status) tell him that his behavior really affected your mental health and you need help with it. Getting help from a professional will make it more easier for you to go through. Go out more. Take a walk or a class. Know this sounds cliche but art helps you to understand yourself even more and get your feelings out of your chest. (Sports is also fine!) We all need mothers and dads because most of the time that's the only unconditional love you can hold on to but years later I'm sorry to remind you that they are also going to disappear from this world and you're going to be on your own. All alone. I'm not saying you should not help your mom because you have to, especially these times are very important for her but you need time for yourself , you need time to feel and understand. I'm sending you all my love and I hope these work even a little.

you can use HelloSpy to understand why he did, why he could do that for you, for your mom,...