I Haven't Felt Good In Years

My husband and I have been married for only 2 years but we have been together for 5.  I should have gotten out 4-1/2 years ago when I started not to feel what I know I should have.  He doesn't think of us at all let alone me.   He would rather spend all his time on the computer and xbox.  We don't even have sex very often anymore.  I feel my confidence level dropping by the day with him.

 

He is cruel at times.  When we fight he says I'm nuts, insane and so forth.  I don't get him anymore and I know he doesn't get me.  He is always wanting another chance at the end when I am ready to leave.  I love him and so desperately want it to work.  To finally get what I need from him, but it only lasts a day and he still doesn't even try to make love to me.  It's all fake.  He just doesn't want to be alone.  If I stay, my needs are not met and I feel alone.  I need to find me again.  I don't even remember the last time I felt good with him and complete.

shedazzle shedazzle
36-40, F
3 Responses Feb 10, 2010

It's been many years and i feel like i should make an ultimatum. I want my wife to try; just try. I see so much decision making that doesn't fit into the category of "Trying". Should we all be happy by ourselves? i think when you enter a marriage, there is somewhat of a conditional situation where the other person is very much responsible for your happiness whether they want to be or not because that's part of the vow. I often get the feeling that sex is just done because it has to get done. Though I make her feel good, i don't think she's really attracted to me much. I'm her husband and it's okay but really she doesn't like me. I'm fed up with it and have told her to her face that i have been thinking about cheating because her connections with me, physically, emotionally and psychologically are just not there anymore.

I m a firm believer in keeping a marriage together and counseling. I believe a marriage should be dissolved by adultery. but the simply truth is some people shouldn't be married in the first place and it is not right to stay some where you don't belong.<br />
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I was with my ex for five years and if we gotten married i would fit into that category. he didn't cheat, but he was so mentally abusive and amounts other things. why stay with someone who destroyed you inside.<br />
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but you said you knew 6months into knowing him,,,,,,and i knew a few month into knowing him for five years that he isn't good enough and will hurt me.

I would hate to advise on such a serious matter so I'll give you something relevant instead. <br />
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My sister is engaged to a man who treats her in the same way. We (as in family and friends) know that he is not good for her. She is depressed and miserable because he neglects her. he gives her just enough attention to hang on. I have advised her to leave him several times. He may in fact have feelings for my sister but Love is something different and he's not giving any - hence my sister feeling like crap all the time. I wish she would be strong and stand up for herself. <br />
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Communicate with your husband, find out what he really feels and thinks about his life and you. you may find he is having personal issues he is trying to avoid (distracting himself with video games etc.) I get stuck in my own head sometimes and my wife thinks its her fault. Like she is causing me to be "away". But I am having personal things going on with self esteem, career, my purpose outside of my marriage etc.....I always love her but sometimes she doesn;t feel it.<br />
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If you have been feeling his neglect for years, then it is time to talk to him for real.