My 19 Year Old Son Wished We Would Die In A Fire

I really thought I was alone in my grief. I don't understand at all the "hate and rage" that can come from my 19 year old son. His Dad and I had a horrible custody battle when he was 3. $100K later, we ended up with joint custody, but Dad getting the school days. Our son was used as a pawn to hurt me and control me for many years. We lived .10 of a mile away from each other. My son would call at 1 am, whispering from the closet, "Mom, come and get me, he's gonna kill me. I'm so scared." I'd rush over to find him sometimes in the dead of winter crouching between parked cars outside in the snow in just his boxers. My son was called stupid, idiot, clown. He was responsible for doing his own laundry by age 6, getting himself to school while Dad slept with the neighbor lady. He was sent to school in dirty clothes with no breakfast. He was sent even though he was vomiting with fever. He was punched in the stomach, had food hidden from him, cold water thrown on him in his sleep, etc. PS did nothing. He came to live with me at age 14 with severe depression, suicidal threats and social anxiety to the point that he didn't leave our home for several years for any reason. He slept at the end of his older sister's bed for the first 2 yrs. He was so damaged. Now, 5 years later, he is trained in Jiu Jitsu (will never be manhandled again), plays amazing guitar, sketches beautifully and writes amazing poetry (rap). He excels at everything he does.

Recently a girl (his first) came into his life - the devil incarnate. She played the poor abandoned girl who had no one. I fell for it. He fell for it. I allowed her to move in. I encouraged her to complete school, bought her special things, loved her, hugged her, took care of her when she was sick and chased her down the street in my nightgown when they fought. I took her to church where she was saved and Baptized. She began sequestering him in his room for days at a time, telling him his sister and me were using him, against him, that we talked about him behind his back. He began distrusting us, discord and strife overwhelmed our home to the point paranormal activity began. She was having sex with him and screaming so we could hear. He walked around like Hugh Hefner. She lived here off my SSD 9 months with her dog rent free. She ate everything in sight and horded food in the bedroom. All she wants is a baby. They slept in the master bedroom while I slept in the living room. They had the master bathroom and the only computer in their room so I had to ask to use the bathroom or the computer.

She began talking about me and his sister to Dad and Dad's girlfriend on FB. I saw an email from Dad's girlfriend saying his sister and I were jealous of her because we didn't have a Dad that loved us and lots of other lies. She built a wedge and divided our family to the point my son kept a hammer by his door. I got behind on rent and electric because I had been spending $1K a month (half my monthly income) on food. The day I went to eviction court to try to save my home she convinced my son to move 500 miles away to live with his Dad, Dad's hillbilly toothless girlfriend, a mentally ill uncle and grandma. By the time he was on the road in their car he called me and told me he wished I was dead. He wished we'd die in a house fire and that he is with his TRUE FAMILY now - that he is so happy to be away from us. It was a month ago and he has blocked us on FB and his girlfriend posted, "I'm so happy to finally have my man all to myself, LMFAO". I laid on the bathroom floor and screamed into a pillow until I inflamed the tissue in my esophagus, lungs and around my heart, so I spent the next few days on cardiac unit with chest pains. So much hate comes from him. I don't know this person. I have lost him again just like when he was 3. The grief is unbearable, but I have to cut him free and let life knock humility back into him. I have to resist the urge to set on fire all the clothes she left here. Even though I hear everyday on FB "Baby I have never seen you so happy in all the 10 months I've known you. We may have "are" fights but it's so nice to see you finally bonding with your Dad and so happy with your true family."

She left one calling card before she left here. In a lone drawer there was a digital camera with nude pictures of both of them and 1 unused condom. She is true evil.

Ugh. I just wanna puke.
hewishedIwoulddieinafire hewishedIwoulddieinafire
46-50, F
Jan 8, 2013