My worst fear is to not exist..

Whats ur worst fear?
Chiscuit Chiscuit
31-35, F
2 Responses Aug 30, 2014

My worst fear is to exist.
By that I mean, to find this is my full existence, the way it is for me now will be the way it is to the end. But I guess fears are there for us to face, push through and grow by.

U hav regrets living?

I don't like living with AvPD, it's not a very high quality of life. But others have it much worse so I try to focus on the good and not the bad. Regrets living? I have times I think of ending the AvPD suffering, yes. But something always pushes me into tomorrow.

Whats avpd

Avoidant personality disorder - the lonely loner syndrome. We stay to ourselves so it's a lonely life we lead...

If some stranger started a convo with u chat her or him?

In real life? Not really. I politely answer then leave. Online is different, I feel like myself here, not needing to isolate myself.

How long hav u chatted online? I think if u continue this ull open up in real life gradually :)

No, it's nothing one is cured from. Before I got online, no one ever saw or heard from me, online gave me a voice, gave me a life. I have always been this way. Now I am more open thanks to online.

But not in real life. That will never change. I reman the lone wolf.

R u working? U work alone?

I'm an artist - freelance, I work at home. I have an agent who gets me work but it's not steady. Hard lYes, alone. I was married, but life with an AvPD is not easy.

U hav kids? Seems difficult.. R u willing to change this?

There is no kids and no change. It is something i developed after a brain infection, damage. I learn to adapt. That's life

R u ok with that?

I've been this way about 5 years now, I'm just now accepting it ))

12 More Responses

To become swag less. Hmm probably me being the last man on earth stuck and unable to leave my house id breakdown fkr memories and sadness

Yea being alone sucks..