This I Am Learning

in my life, i've felt pain. pain from abuse, heartache, betrayal, shame.

i have always numbed my pain with alcohol and drugs. i prefer escape to pain.

pain is inevitable, though. as much as i've tried to run from it, it surrounds me on all sides. even the happiest moments are tainted by my inability to remove myself from the pain.

so, instead of running this time, i'm learning. dedicated, i am going to live through this without escape. dare i say, embrace pain this time. become stronger, confident, complete in my pain.

when this pain lifts, i will be like gold put through fire. i will be refined. i will be different ... better. this is worth the pain.

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11 Responses Mar 10, 2009

cbm1, " also does not contemplate suicide..." WTF? Do have a clue how bloody pompous you sound? Given enough pain over a long enough time any human will “contemplate suicide” and that includes you and all your teachers. <br />
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Whether you surrender to the lure of suicide or become stronger is what we are discussing.

My intent is not to be disrespectful or to deny the reality of ones pain but ,, in all of my teachings, one also does not contemplate suicide and believe me ,I know what suicide looks like..the after math, you would not like to be remembered this way...I have a great deal of compassion and I wish I could heal everyone but I can't ... you are the only ones that can truly heal yourselves,, with the grace of god

You all talk about avoidance .. pain -to have pain or not ,,, mask it ,, hide behind it... Your karma is pain and until you pay the debt of pain... you just keep on carrying it forward. Good service,,, virtue,, good deed Why not as some of you also have said,,, confront it ,acknowledge it,, accept what it may have been,, realize what it is , Be accountable and move the hell on,, instead of procrastinating about it and wallowing in your own misery and sharing that negativity with everyone else.. Put all that effort into some positive thinking and outlook and just do it... Nothing can be worth all that moaning... I'm sorry but if you have all that energy and effort for something that is non-productive why not put it to some good use instead,,, like try being happy...

I am just as happy to have met you. I hope you find what you are looking for and I know you will if you just work hard. <br />
i used to tell my students that ther is only one thing I wanted them to remember long after they leave this school...WORK HARD...DD

Life is not just pain. Pain is only one part of life. Sometimes it is worse and somtimes happness is the greater part of life.<br />
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I wanted to kill myself a year ago. I thought about it just two weeks ago. Sometimes the pain of my condition is more then I can take. Two weeks ago I found out for sure that my nerve degeneration disease has in fact gotten worse and is affecting my mind. I want to die before I loose my intellect and personality. <br />
I am loosing hope. I have talked this over with my wife and she said she will help if it gets much worse but she wants me to stay as long as I can. <br />
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I have prayed to my Goddess and She has told me to embrace life as long as possible. <br />
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I want to die but I know that life is a gift from our Creator. I do not went to **** on this gift from God/dess.<br />
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I do not want to **** on the love my family has for me. I prayed for this love. I have worked HARD for this one wish to come true. I am not now going to say “thanks for your love. It has been great but now I can’t take it any more so **** on it. I have to take care of my self. <br />
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I can not disengage. I have to deal with the pain. And I can. My great Doctor has authorized my legal use of morphine and a few other medicines that do make my discomfort tolerable. I am just scared. <br />
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That said, I am going to stay alive as long as I can still give my wife full body massage <br />
(I am impotent) and text with my friends on EP I will keep my special knife on the wall.<br />
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For now, I am living one day at a time. I can promise my wife that I will be here tonight but I am not so sure about tomorrow…DD

“ i still experience life in avoidance” If you mean that you are still breathing, eating, watching TV, ETC…<br />
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I believe that our mission in this life is to learn the lessons we are to learn. I am certain we can not do this by just costing through life. <br />
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I also KNOW that on mine or your death bed you would do ANYTHING to have even one more REAL experience before you die. REAL experience is not avoidance it is getting into life and working hard to experience life….DD

Experience is life. Avoidance is hideing from life...DD

Seriously, I am expert at avoidance.<br />
Nothing is more painful in long run.<br />
I am now, at age 65, do not regret what I have done so much as what I have not done. I would not trade my worse pain for boredom<br />
You are under 30? GO FOR IT! Best advice an old guy like me can give…DD

Very interesting point of view SeraphicWannabe. Of course avoidance of ascertain kind can led to a greter pain. Reaching out to another for example. Withdraw and experience loneliness. Learn to love in a way that is not so painful might be a better path then getting on your motorcycle and getting drunk with the boys of a rival gang again and again as Buddhism might point out in the eightfold path...DD

Ah, but avoidance is another form of escape, DD.<br />
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I choose to do what I feel is best and deal with the pain that comes... or at least I try to. Buddhism makes up an entire eightfold path to avoid pain, but some things are more important and valuable than the anguish that comes with them.

The wonderful thing about learning from our pain is that we don't have to keep getting hurt by the same mistake again and again. Just keep your hand out the fire and you will be less likey to get your hand burnt!...DD