A Too Stupid And Ungrateful And Inconsiderate Teenager

Not too many weeks ago, an 18 year-old girl who'd fanned me and who i'd friended back weeks earlier and who seemed polite enough after several late night conversations was online in the early a.m. hours. I saw her mood was negative--"very sad" or something similar. So i messaged her. Like many under-21 girls, she kept answering my questions with incomplete sentences of only a small number of words. Finally, i understood from her that her mother was in the hospital after a suicide attempt--one of a number of previous ones, and her father wasn't totally competent (although i don't recall the details--perhaps that he drank heavily or had been in prison). Notwithstanding her living with her family in the U.K., i assumed she--who'd impressed me as a nice young lady--was unfortunately in a very disfunctional family situation, something i am regrettably experienced with. Because of how i am, i wanted to attempt to help out in some kind of advisory way and to let her know i'd be there for her time-wise and emotionally. Each of her replies were 15-25 minutes or so after my messages. I'd earlier apologized for my replies being late because of signal problems--an ongoing issue of mine, and i guessed she was probably having some kind of similar, unavoidable problem. So all the while i was waiting for each of her replies, i was reading my circle's activity posts. Lo and behold, i see that all her delays in replying to my messages were because she was corresponding with another girl as young as she about the subject of heavy metal songs and music--her favorite song, which group she liked, etc. Whoa, horsey! So, i messaged her how inconsiderate she was being to me and that a young lady her age should at least show appreciation for my time that i was giving her to help her with her problems by not leaving me hanging while entering unrelated, trivial conversations. I expected to at least receive some sort of apology from her. No. She berates me for disrespecting her privilege of corresponding with a "good friend" of hers during her conversation with me and tells me that she told me personal information about her family in reply to my questions "that i really didn't have to tell you. Besides, i didn't ask for your help, anyway. You just kept asking me personal questions that were none of your business." Believe me, i tend to avoid befriending under-21 year-olds because of thier usual short attention spans and thier priorities being out of whack, but after this stupid little still-wet-behind-the-ears snotnose, i was ready to give up on offering my help to teenagers with problems i assume serious because of thier profile posts--things like "all i do is sit in my room and cry," "i don't care about life any more," and other such statements. And this would've been after the several teenage girls i've spent time corresponding with--mainly to give them the emotional support i thought they so desperately wanted and needed and asked for and thanked me for, but almost all of whom soon grew tired of talking about thier problems and told me so. With these young girls, many of whom i now believe are "crying wolf," i often feel a fool for not simply taking the attitude that is refererred to in Yiddish as, "Fub'm b'fufkit"--or even "gai'n cokk'n in da hoisen."
eleanorssong eleanorssong
56-60, F
6 Responses Mar 13, 2012

I understand your frustration eleanorssong but I think you have to re-address your views on this matter. If you wish to be a good counsellor you have to learn how to detach your emotions when or if the person refuses help. Remember that people who have issues (don't we all?), I mean people in general can be selfish, and their selfishness dictates that that they should neither care or be considerate to others. I appreciate courtesy when it is given, and when it is not given yes it frustrates and even angers me at times because I am a social and emotional being, that requires the reciprocation of my peers inorder to feel some connection. But my need for reciprocation is somewhat selfish, we all are to a degree. We connect with people who we know we can have a relationship with, people that we can give and get from. However this is where counselling differs. You do not do it for reciprocation. You do it to help and then move on. And though you invest your time, your efforts and emotions, you have to learn to withdraw those things without bitterness if they are not ACCEPTED. That should be the only condition you place on the people you want to help, nothing else. <br />
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It is nice to be acknowledged, it is nice to receive a thank you. But remember this. People who are in a bad place often need more time, attention and affection than people who are healthier human beings. Do not expect an unhealthy immature being to react in the manner that a healthy mature being would. That would be a great failure on your part. Think of them as babies who are still learning how to walk. You are not the one that needs their attention, time or affection. You are the helper, giver, carer, that is your obligation. That is of course, if you really want to help. Expect nothing in return. This is a risk you take everytime you embark on this path that is helping others.

1. I reworded my passage to make clear that not leaving me hanging while starting unrelated, trivial conversations with others was the only appreciation that she should've given me; 2. I DO NOT expect my offers of help to be accepted all the time and i AM NOT offended when those offers are not accepted. I AM OFFENDED WHEN SOMEONE--ANYONE--PROCEEDS TO ENGAGE IN A CONVERSATION WITH SOMEONE ELSE DURING AN ONGOING CONVERSATION WITH ME WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE. THAT'S NO DAMN DIFFERENT THAN ME PUTTING YOU ON HOLD WHILE YOU'RE TALKING TO ME SO I CAN TALK TO SOMEONE ELSE!!!! IF THIS DOESN'T CLARIFY WHY SHE OFFENDED ME, NOTHING WILL!!!!!!!!

No need to shout. I think you missed my point. I was not excusing what she did, not at all. I just think that as the older, more mature person, you shouldn't let it get to you so much. But that is just my opinion. We can agree to disagree on this matter. No offence?

I absolutely DON'T let things like her get to me anymore and i'm sorry if my writing this story led you to believe so. Not much "gets to me" anymore other than being quite damn hungry 3/4 of every month bcoz my sh*tty father and stepmother stole all my hard earned money that i would've put to use now as retirement savings! And if hoping they both burn in hell for how they treated me means i've let it "get to me" than so be it.

I would leave the suicidal kids. There not worth the effort and in the end are all talk with there attention seeking. They end up ingnoring your guidance and advice anyway. They simply need to learn the world does not revolve around them

The rare exceptions notwithstanding, you're 100% correct, as my experience with these "suicide girls" has shown me. And your words truly belie your age. Please message me privately if you'd ever care to chat.

profiles are pretty much a joke as youhave no way to know the truth<br />
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i will always talk to a person on he edge and never judge as i have been there and came so close to taking my own life it was not even funny even if i was only 5 years old<br />
i never thought about the people that would have had to clean up the mess <br />
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yeas later i was made to promise tonever do it again and i was taught youa re onlyas good as your word which is why i am still here to day and did not end it at age 19 when i came pout of a coma to leanr mywife was kkilled the day after i was reported killed in action and our mother took her own life think the 2 kids she loved were gone<br />
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i say our mothers as she step up when i was 12 years old and gave me a new home she did this knowing how her daughter and i felt about each other the only change was we had to get rid of the youth bed and buy a full size bed<br />
why not at 12 years old we al ready had a joint bank account with her mothers name on it to to protect the money i made from work

True8wolf, i wanted to remove the "disliked" under your comment but wasn't able. I respectfully disagree with you, and i sincerely believe if you'd been in my slippers or sitting with me at 4am that morning, you'd have also taken offense.

Actually, I agree with you and toistory. The same things have happened to me. I don't friend anyone without looking at their profile and finding something we have in common. When I get cussed out for something I have said, or a story I have written, I might make a (hopefully) witty retort, then just go on with my life. I don't get mad. I also tend to be drawn to people who have experienced a little more of life than can normally be had in 18 or 21 Years. Having said that, I do have a few friends of tender age who I can have interesting conversations with. It is just the luck of the draw.

People are a trip!<br />
Trust This, the minute you aren't at their.beckon call, you're an inconsiderate person or an assh*le. Yes.. I am an assh*le, but that's just me, but because I wasn't right there Jonny on the Spot now I am less than? Yeah.. these types are everywhere. Remember, she is a child yet. Old enough to vote, but naive enlightenment to be swayed by an electronic Trinidad or gadget to gain votes. Never understanding the person she was just purchased to. <br />
Its hard, being there for.someone and feel like you're not appreciated. I know first hand, now I aid where I can with the assumption gratitudes will be replaced with attitudes and far more than favorable reciprocating displays of thanks. That's ok. I just smile and keep on keeping on.. they're just too young to understand, once they are in a position to help another this will floor them too. Total transformation of character usually happens like a light switch coming on. Be patient. You're a good person, soon they'll know just how fortunate they are/were to have you in their life.

Here's why i was so quick to befriend these "suicide girls." I always receive town, county, and interstate flyers and catalogs, thier purpose being commercial advertising. I once remarked to someone how much money these advertisers were spending on these things that so many people threw in the trash, and that person replied that if one person out of a hundred who read an ad buys something in the ad, these advertisers have profited; i.e., for every 100 ads paid for, 1 sale equals overall financial gain. I then adopted that reasoning when i'd spend money i could hardly afford on having thousands of cards printed with local spay/neuter information and purchasing hundreds of color spay/neuter leaflets from humane groups (at five cents per card and ten cents per leaflet) so i could leave hundreds at each place of business that permitted me to distribute them on premises. And even though i have trouble paying utility bills and such, i reasoned that for all the money i spent distributing these cards and leaflets, if for every hundred i distributed, it prompted one cat or dog to be spayed or neutered, it was worth my expense. Well, that's the same reasoning i applied to offering my help to these young girls--that if for all the time and effort and emotions i put into it, if it all made one small, but positive change in a girl's life, it was worth it. That's the way i've always tried to live my life. It's my attitude and character and i can't change myself--even though it's made living feel like an awfully tiring uphill climb.

Great analogy and model to apply to your personal life.. wow. I am not only impressed, but kind da turned on, to the whole idea, if applying pure marketing, to personal lives. Gorilla marketing in befriending, and aiding the needs of others, with yields being or fostering an impacting change. So positive on allsides of the fence.

My young friend,<br />
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I do not think she desired to hurt you or make you angry.. i chat with hundreds of people everyday, one conversation is just as important than the next. maybe she felt that way too.

What?! Her heavy metal music conversation was as important as the one i was having with her? Maybe to immature, foolish teenagers, but certainly not to ME! And there lies why i'm leaning heavily toward ignoring these "cries for help" from young girls whose future i HAD been interested in being a small but positive and beneficial part of.