My Wife Has Secrets That I Know About

I think my wife was cheating on me with a woman from her work. I have seen several emails on our computer that makes me believe this. She told me she wants to leave because of the way I treat her and she doesnt feel that I love her anymore. But I know that she wants to be with this other person. She doesnt know that i know about the emails and her feelings. I think their relationship might be over but I dont know for sure. When I ask my wife questions she just lies to me. I dont like being lied to especially when I know I am being lied to. I wish she could tell me. I also wish I could forget what I have seen and move on with our life. I dont think anything physical happened just a very strong emotional connection between a "straight woman and an unhappy lesbian". It didn't help that I treated my wife like crap for several years. I know I was wrong and wish I could take it back.  Not only because I might loose her but because I know it hurt her.  I really do love her and feel I could forgive her if anything has happened but she wont open up to me and tell me what is going on. She is very depressed right now and I only hope that is because their relationship is over.


update 3/1/08 my wife tells me she needs space now. everything has been going well between us for the last 9 months. We went to several marriage counselling sesions and seemed to be getting along fairly well. But out of the blue she tells me she needs space. I dont know how to take this. I had been pretty depressed for the past couple of weeks and felt she was being distant. When I asked her about the distance she just said she has been thinking about being on her own for a while. She says she doesnt want be with anyone else. She just wants to be on her own. I left for a few days and then came back home. She has left now and I dont know when she'll be back. She acts like nothing is happening like everything is normal. She says it has nothing to do with me and that I shouldn't be upset about it. But how can I not be upset? My wife, My best friend, My lover, and My life is away from me.  Fairly depressed right now and dont know how to continue.



update 5/2/08 filed for divorce found out she was cheating on me again with the same woman. Now both parties know all of the particulars. And that the lies they thought they were so good at telling came out in the open and how they made every feel. What is the excitement in homosexuality? I consider it to be completely disgusting. Never would I want to think of another man that way. Maybe thats why she contiues to lie about her relationships. It is totally obvious to everyone involved that she is seeing two different women but she lies and says there just friends. HA HA 1 friends has given her over $8000. Not a loan but a gift. Oh that friend just happens to be an openly homosexual, man looking woman. The other one yukk, but hey I'm "shallow".  Officially divorce in march of 09 and moving on. Still being lied to but who gives a crap. One day it will all come out in the open.

husbandinlovewithhiswife husbandinlovewithhiswife
31-35, M
9 Responses May 24, 2007

My wife and I have no screts from each other. We know each other's pasts down to the last detail and we are incredibly happy and in love with each other.

wow i wish mine would get over ASAP....<br />
And I really want to be ALONE and not look for anyone else...<br />
I want to enjoy being me again...

I am a woman and I am not an excellent liar.Sounds as though you may have issues with women in general "justaperson"

Sounds as though your wife does need space to figure out if or not she wants to stay with you.Give her the space to find herself.There is a saying that goes. "Set it free if it comes back it was yours to begin with" If not it never was.

My wife cheated on me with a co-worker (it's always the co workers). Tthe first time I confronted her about it, she lied to my face. The second time she told me only half the story. I've left it alone and it has changed me honestly at times the unspeakably painful memory of her telling me still haunts me from time to time. And it makes it hard for me to have 100% trust in her.<br />
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I have forgiven her and she has changed and she's isolated herself from her coworkers (she cheated cause I was always working). Her cheating on my has become something she's so embarrassed about, that she'll do anything not to let anyone know (cause she portrays herself as a "Good loving, faithful wife" to others).<br />
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All I can tell you is confront her about it. I got advice from a married friend of mine (married for 13 years. And he advised me not to "loose control" while she's talking, don't interrupt, maintain as much composer as possible. Because if she sees that I'm "loosing it" she'll change her story or stop talking).<br />
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Bring up the proof to her and look her dead in the eyes. Women are excellent liars so only you can be the judge of if she's lying or not. Your marriage depends on her actions, if she does admit to it and attempts to stop the cheating, then I say the two of you work really hard to rebuild the marriage (we're still working on rebuilding). <br />
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BUT!! if she lies to your face it's time to call a divorce lawyer and make copies of all the proof that you have of her cheating (it will come in handy). If she doesn't love you enough, respect you enough and honor her vows she made to you..then there's nothing you can do. She decided that the marriage isn't work it and she'd rather be with someone else (mentally and physically).<br />
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I don't mean to sound rude (I'm a former Paralegal student) and I had some Divorce Lawyer friends of mine on speed dial and they had copies of my wife's diary pages as proof of her infidelity. My clothes packed in the trunk of my car and a hotel room ready for me If she lied to my face then that would be the end of our marriage and I know the court will grant me custody of our daughter.<br />
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Confront her about it that's the only way you'll know her side of the story.

After reading your story, I can't help wondering if the real issue is that your wife is a lesbian but isn't admitting it to you or even to herself. I also get the impression that you are so attached to her that you can't bear to face anything that might mean you ought to go your own way. Even if I'm wrong, you seem to have lost your own inner sense of freedom in this relationship (if you ever had it.) I do hope you can get it back, one way or another.

We all have secrets... your wife is no different than the rest of the world... you should let her know what you found and maybe that will open the door to a whole new world.... that is just my opinion...

Is it just a "strait woman and unhappy lesbian"? What if it's unhappy straight woman and perky lesbian??

Choose to forgive her and move on. Do you need a confession to forgive her? Do you need to know all the sordid details? If you truly forgive her, I mean in your heart, then some day she will share all the detials with you, when she feels it is safe to and un-hurtful to do so.