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Angels Are Not Disguised, If You Open Your Eyes You Will See Them Everywhere.

As the life was falling from my body and i was drifting into unconciousness!
I was alone in a bedsit after another bad night of sickness from the heroin addiction i had at the time. I was desperate for a fix and was in such a desperate state i would of done most anything to remove the terrible feelings of guilt and heroin sickness from my brain and body. My feelings were begining to return and that is no good for someone that feels everything so intensly, i could watch the news and feel the plight tsunami victims or feel the absolute terror on people as they tried to survive night after night in war zones.  Empathy, i needed to block it out so i did.
That morning i met the normal dealer, another addict trying to support his addiction, wearing the old grey tracksuite top and reebok classic trainers, i handed him ten pounds and he handed me a little wrap of brown coloured powder.
 I couldn't get back to the grotty bed sit quick enough, i knew i had this cure all in my pocket and soon i would be back where i felt most comfertable OBLIVION....

I cooked up the hit, i made it a large full bag hit, i was ill and greedy. I slowley pushed the needle into my scared and dirty skin, pulled back on the plunger to see the rush of blood into the little plastic death machine, and then push and push and push and 1 and 2 and 3 and my face is tingling and the room is going up up and down, i catch sight of myself in the mirror, lips turning blue i smile at myself and say "it's finally over".

I dropped to my knees . Bang i was gone.

I awoke sometime later with paramedics giving me injedtions of a medicine that pushes opiates out of your body, now i was still alive but i had no chemicals in my body to keep me going the sicknes grew worse and worse as the minutes went on I shouted " Why did you let me live, you should of let me die".
 The paramedic said you would of been dead if it wasn't for your friend calling the ambulance, i said what friend i havn't got any friends here. They said a guy called steven.....I thought hard for a minute or too and i remember him being in the house, but i couldn't focus on any time, i was feeling sick noiw so headed aided by the paramedics to the toilets down the hall, i pushed the door open and there was steven.     
  The paramedics said he had been dead for about 12 hours, the inquest into his death actually said he had been dead 17 hours! I sat down and worked out he made the call to the ambulance when he had been dead 15 hours.

I was saved that day for a purpose, im not sure what it is yet but i have a pretty good idea. I have been clean for sometime now, i have my health and it is being said i am a talented musician, i will be playing at glastonbury festival this year infront of a massive audience and if am honest none of this would be happening today, none of it, i wouldn't have lovely friends around me, people that care and love me and people i can love, i wouldn't be a ble to share the music i write or teach a child how to play the guitar, i wouldn't be able to show other people that change is possible nio matter how bad the situation..........................All of this i owe to a guy that called an ambulance aafter being dead for 17 hours.          Lord have mercy on you Steven O'Brien.


Are there angels, you tell me?
deleted deleted 26-30 May 7, 2011

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