My Shrink Committed Suicide
In this life it is rare that you find someone who you can depend on to give you consistently good advice. Someone who knows everything about you and can advise you because you have shared the darkest details of your life with them....I had someone like that. She was my psychologist for over 5 years and she committed suicide in October. She was a beautiful, sensitive, courageous woman who I came to love and care about very much. When we think about psychologists we tend to think they can overcome hardships because they have all the tools...but we never think they would become so hopeless as to kill themselves because they gave us so much hope. This woman took with her all my hurts, my victories, my abuses, my weaknesses, my failures, and my dreams. Her suicide broke my heart and left me wondering how someone I looked up to so much, a mental health professional at that...how could she take her own life? Didn't she know how much everyone loved her? I will never be able to open up to another shrink again like I did with her. I saw her from the time I was 25 to 30. I went through so much this year and I'll never be able to tell her...my nephew died, my grandmother died, my marriage could fall apart, and her death broke me. It's ironic- I want to talk to her about how her death affected me- like they're not the same person....but I guess they're not. The wise woman who held my hand and hugged me when I cried was not the same woman who left behind a 12 year old son. The woman who pushed me not to be scared of success or failure couldn't face another day of darkness and slipped into it for eternity. The woman who I have to thank for how far I've come in life today is gone. The woman who I idolized, respected, loved, and trusted with everything that I am couldn't see past her own pain. I just want her back- for selfish reasons, yes but if only for her son's sake I could accept that. When I went to her funeral and saw him for the first time my heart broke into a million pieces. I can't imagine losing my mother at that age...this really has me torn up inside.