Not Until Recently Though

my life was good until lately. (meaning the last 4 years)but ive always felt that something has been silently watching over me, granting my silly wishes, hoping for my happiness.Whoever it is, has always been there. Im not religious but i just might be spiritual. I mean, i know i sound insane but its just this feeling i get sometimes when no ones around. Its like, Im surrounded by attention and yet im all alone.Its the feeling of content comfort you get around a good friend.
Its this quiet never ending hope that seems to come from nowhere within me.
Its the strange dreams.
Its the strange sensation of seeing my life going to hell and not being worried about it.
But the presence is gone, or dimmed. Im probably just insane. But it makes me sad.
Does it hate me now? is that why its leaving me alone again?
Just before i started understanding what pain was,(4 years ago) was when it left.
I cant help but feel, it was what was responsible for all my happiness until now...