Smile At The Sky

My life as of now is a white slate. My father hates me. My mom despises my personality. I am always criticized by older brother and my other brother has moved away and has made his own family. I am grateful to have friends, but in the aspect of getting close to people, I chose a few. In my house, i have to share a room with my mother. When I was 8 all I wanted was a room to call my own. Instead, they decided to give the vacant room to my brother. The room wasn't always vacant. My parents shared that room. Soon after we found out my dad was cheating on my mom, everything goes down hill from there. Since i couldn't stand the idea or having my mom cry, at age 11, I stuck my nose where I shouldn't have. I had more evidence that my father was doing the same thing 2 years later. I was 13 by then. I showed my mother why they shouldn't be together anymore. I didn't do this to anger her or make her sad. It was to make her realize that she shouldn't be with him. At that time she was grateful, but soon she was telling my I ruined my life. My father found out about this. He yelled and hit me at times. I did not like to tell my mom this because she would think I am weak and can't handle anything. So I never told anyone about my situation besides my best friend. But she couldn't do anything so there was no help. My mom can be a great mom, but she worried alot about my brother. He is loved by everyone. People always call him handsome. He has everything I wished I had. He used his good points to lower my self-esteem. It hurts at times and I wish sometimes i would go deaf. I think about everyday I cry. When I'm about to take a shower, I look in the mirror, and i stop. Think. And Cry. There are times where I know life will go better but everyday is a challenge with the family i live in. I am smart and confident with my life now. I am trying my hardest to leave this family soon. But that will take 4 more years. I am 14 right now. Life is not perfect, i know this. But I don't think it's fair for any child to live in fear of tomorrow. Every person that lives in fear and still lives, are strong and I admire every single one of yous. Therefore, the moment I can smile at the sky is the day I give up everything.
Lundabi Lundabi
13-15, F
Jan 19, 2013