Lonely. Moved To Sadness.

I lay next to my husband who I married for questionable reasons. My heart aches. I have no where to go but here. I really miss my home in Massachusetts, my family, my friends. I feel stuck in the Midwest. The people are so plain vanilla that they freeze up if you try to tell them a joke. I hurt in my heart. I want friends who will laugh with me. I want friends who won't judge me. My husband is from here and won't even go somewhere fun with me in the next town over because it is too far. I feel like dying sometimes. The only thing that keeps me alive is my bible study. My bible teacher is a wonderful lady from new York. She feels stuck here too. I often think about killing myself, but I realize that would make God and a lot of people in my life sad. I need therapy but can't afford it. I think it is safe to say that my loneliness is normal. My husband almost always is on bad terms with me. I have my one friend here. All the other people here could do with or without me. Ugh I hate the Midwest.