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Loneliness

Recently I read that people who live alone are more likely to be in poor health and to die younger than those who live with another.

I think that I have been lonely for most of my life. Illness has exacerabated it. This is a scary thought. Not always easy to remedy.

It is harder to rectify if you don't drive. People rarely offer lifts and so the loneliness goes on. The too hard basket.

Where has the hand of kindness gone? Looking out for others. I don't see any evidence of it. A sad commentary on our society.

felicita felicita 66-70, F 9 Responses Aug 3, 2009

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Thanks for your thoughtful comment Dorobo.<br />
I actually have a bus stop right outside where I am currently living, but I cannot get up the steps. Need a hoist:>)

Sounds like some sound advice. It's a sad thing but the places with the best views frequently are off the beaten path hence less social life. Here we have a complex that you can move from indepdence to more dependece at your own rate of need. They have a shuttle bus for medical and shopping needs so you don't need a car. If your place were on a bus line, as odious as it sounds, it's a way to have freedom of movement.

Fleurina: You don't have to have a single bed in these retirement facilities (unless you go to the infirmary/hospital part of the facility. My Aunt (Great Aunt) never gave up her double bed. She was in an apartment type unit, with a bedroom, bath, Kitchenette/dining room and a living room. She had her recliner, her TV and everything to make her comfortable. Each apartment had an assigned/reserved parking slot in the parking lot and she kept a car right up until see passed away. They even had couples livings in the bedrooms together. They were private and nobody bothered anyone unless you ask for assistance. I don't know if you are aware of it, but there is a lot of co-mingling in these facilities and the only thing that stops there from being more is the fact that there are generally more women in these facilities that men. Men usually die younger. A lot of the seniors in these places get really friendly and quite a few if you will excuse the ex<x>pression "get it on" so to speak, if you know what I mean. You can lead the type life you want to in these places. (They don't have curfew or bed check or anything like that.) They do have quiet hours, like most apartments, you can't use your vacuum cleaner after 9PM or loud music and reasonable restrictions. Nothing intrusive. CHeck some of these places out, or ask sdomeone you know, such as ENNA. You can also go visit these facilities as a perspective future resident, Tour the facility, get the information, brochures a copy of the contract for moving in, it's like a lease. They can provide you with projected costs. Some of them are on a sliding scale, depending on the option you need, and some are based on your income. God luck, Go Bless, take care.

Thanks for your comment marriedunlovedandalone.<br />
The retirement village option, in my mind, equates with changing to a single bed. It would signify that I am old and have given up. I haven't done either ... yet.

Fleurina: Kindness went down the drain a long time ago, along with manners, courtesy, civility, respect and most of the qualities that were valued when I was young. Enna told me you were on line & I thought I'd just drop by to say Hello- I don't know where you live- so I don't know whether to say Good Morning, Good Afternoon or Good Evening. It is 3:20 AM where I live- in the US and I should be in bed, but I have always been a Night Owl and am worse now that I am retired. I live out in the country, about 10 miles from a small town in west central Minnesota, but if you were in my neighborhood, I'd give you a ride, or lift as you said. I somehow think by the use of that term you live in the UK or perhaps near Enna in Austrailia. Am I right? Maybe you should think about moving into a retirement community somewhere, where there are others close by that have some things in common with you. That also would be handy in case you had health problems, someone would be close and be able to help you. Living in a retirement facility cam be wonderful. I had a Great Aunt (my Grandmother's Sister) that moved into one that had 3 different levels of housing. She moved into a facility that had one bedroom apartments, which is where she went. But They also had rooms with a private bath and an infirmary. This place had a full-time staff- an administrator, cooks, nurses, maintenance men to make repairs, do the up-keep of the common use areas and outside of the building & grounds. They served meals in a dining facility, had a library, recreation facilities, activities, a space for a small garden for each resident and all kinds of activities. She never got to the point where she moved into a room. She sayed in her apartment until she became seriously ill and went into the infirmary area- a hospital type room, where she was watched over by nurses and could summon help anytime, but she could still go to the common use areas if she felt up to it. She eventually passed on. But she was happy until the end. Best wishes from an old geezer-

Thanks for your kind comment Enna.<br />
I am at present weighing up whether to move into a retirement village. This is something I have considered before. In fact 2 years ago, before I bought this place, I paid a deposit on a unit in a village and then thought "what about my privacy?" Do I want people to know that I sleep in b/c I go to sleep so late? So I am revisiting that dilemma between having company and my cherished privacy. If I were still driving, I could have both and hopefully find a balance between the two. As you know, I attend classes and if I were not relying on taxis, I would attend more of them.<br />
The ideal solution would be a meeting place which is within walking distance.<br />
Shall keep you posted.<br />
This recent info about people dying younger when they are living alone has worried me.<br />
Thanks again for your comment.

Oh Fleur I am so very sad that you are feeling like this. Maybe it is time to consider some major changes in your life? Would it help to move somewhere where you would be near people much of the time - or would you miss your privacy? And how about groups that are involved in activitries you find interesting?<br />
<br />
I realise your health issues are a barrier to some things but hopefully there may be options for you that are within your scope that are of interest to you . . . ?<br />
Like Jacobite, I wish I lived nearer to you . . .

Thanks Jacobite for your generous comment.

my dear friend if I lived near you,I would vist regular, if you needed a lift count on me. Its true Fleurina where has the kindness gone, poeple are too busy with themselves to care about others. Not me I care about you LOL