I Just Want To Be Successful..

So I'm on the 220 bus and its packed so I sit next to this guy who's taking up like a seat and a half, like who does he think he is? But anyway..

The other day I was thinking about my future. Yes, that worried think about where your gonna be in 10 years time and I caught myself smiling. Not for the fact that I knew where I was gonna be and had it all sorted but for the exact opposite. I kinda liked not knowing. Disregarding where I wanted to be, because when it comes down to it, it's all in God's hands and I ask for his perfect will (which may not be the same as mine) instead of his 'permissive' will. I knew somehow that I am going to be sucessful. You ask me why? I really don't know, but I just..know. And I also randomly realised that us as young people nowadays don't even want what others 'have' but what others 'want'.

Take a minute to let that marinate abit.

Marinate. LOL. Marination. Is that a word?

Yeah but anyway..

So I was listening to "Succesful" by Drake and it dawned on me.. it was like a revelation, like lightbulb moment, like oh myy dayyss(is it oh my 'days' or oh my 'daze'.. I don't know.. but anyway) yeah so I came to the realisation that we are told on a day to day basis what success is. To test my theory I asked a friend of mine what success meant to them and they told me that it was having a good job, wife,kids and getting paid. Getting that paper, that frilla, that dough, that fetti, that cheese. And I was like......Why? And he was like: Well you've got everythin you need. And I was like: Umm that's definitely not all you need. And he was like: True say.

And that's where the convo ended. Yeah, I was abit confused too. So is success when you finally have everything you need? Or everything you want? Or maybe everything you've worked for? But isn't that the same thing as everything you want? Hmmm.

To me, success is when you can be all alone in a tiny house, with a little radio on (locked onto Choice FM or your favourite radio station perhaps) you've just eaten and prayed and your dancing and smiling. LOOL its sounds so cheesy I know.. but really success equals contentment. To me.

And if a wife, good job, kids and money will make you content then so be it, but still I know that deep down its can't just be all about the "money, cars and the clothes, the hoes, I suppose.." because all of that is temporary.. and money gets you the last three things, so basically all you want is money. Does money = success? Probably for some people. Yeah, but anyway..

Oh yeah and another thing dawned on me..

You know that feeling when you get really embarassed and you feel like disappearing and everyones eyes are like fixed on you and like you put on the attitude that you don't care and then when the embarassment becomes to much you put on that 'rudegyal/boy' face and you wonder if anyone can see the tears welling up inside of you and you just feel like a joke at that particular moment in time...That happened to me last week. I just hate that feeling. Yeah, I just felt like sharing..but anyway..

Is it me? or does it seem like those big embarassing moments look so small after a week or two, maybe a month or two, depending on the actuality of your actual embarrasment. LOL Its like I look back at moments like that and I laugh at myself, I learn from them too..

Now I find myself looking at problems the same way.. I just say..its looks really big now but in 'X' amount of time ( depending on the actuality of the problem') its gonna look pretty small and I'm gonna laugh at it infact.. that's if its something vaguely funny..like I fall infront of bare people, not like my cat dying or I push an old lady over while I'm running for my bus or anything like that.. that's just not funny :| LOL but anyway..

Yeah so BIG problem now. SMALL (AND FUNNY) problem later..

Back to success, I feel like I'm successful now, because I'm content with my life. But contentness can also make you stagnant.. hmm. Well yeah I'm content but I'm always raising the bar as to what will make me happy/fufilled, which means I'm content for a moment then I want more, then I get content, then I want more.. I guess in other words I'm just growing..

I'm growing into a successful young woman..

But anyway..

LOL.. : )

What's success to you?

GrowthJoyBeautyLurvve GrowthJoyBeautyLurvve
18-21, F
Feb 20, 2010