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I Try...

I try and I try yet it's simply not enough...
And it seems that even breathing has become so tough.

I'm trying to move past this and think happy thoughts...
But instead of feeling better I feel tied in knots.

I'm trying to think of other things and to bury the pain...
But I can't seem to move past all the stress and the strain.

I can't believe how things are now so upside down...
And how my smile has turned into this horrible frown.

Who is this person? Who have I become?
I'm traveling through my days completely numb.

The light in my soul is fading so fast...
And there are truly moments I don't feel like I will last.

Do I stay? Do I go? Do I pretend? Do I ignore?
I haven't a clue and my heart is so sore.

I don't know how long I can continue down this road...
Because the tears and the sadness just haven't slowed.

I've cried so much that my tears have turned into rain...
And I simply cannot escape all this emotional pain.

Apparently I haven't done enough to make things right...
And my spirit is tiring and I'm losing this fight.

I wish that I could see rainbows and sunshine in the sky...
But they're nowhere to be found and I simply don't know why.

But I fear that they've disappeared forever and left me alone...
And this is why my heart is slowly turning to stone.

KassieKat KassieKat 46-50, F 15 Responses Jul 24, 2012

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It's terrible to hear of anyone experiencing such emotional pain. I hope that things are easier for you now *hugs*

I was in a very bad place at the time this poem was written last year. :( It was heartache that didn't easily go way...but yes...I am much better now for sure. Time has a way of helping us move past the tears...and back into the sunshine. :)

The picture matched your message very well. I do hope you are feeling better.

Thank you. *smile* I am feeling much better now. I appreciate your comment. :)

so sad,i wish you could share with me, if there is something i can do you for real..

Thanks for your concern. You are very kind. Honestly...I'm doing much better now. This was just a moment in time...and it's passed now. Thanks for commenting. :)

It's sobering to realize how many of us are in such emotional (and physical) anguish. You have provided a beautifully elegant depiction of it.<br />
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It reminds me of the following lyrics (although they are much cruder than your story):<br />
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"Mental wounds still screaming. Driving me insane. I'm going off the rails on a crazy train."

I have said this more than once before....I handle physical pain so much better than I handle emotional pain. The two are not even in the same ballpark IMHO. The lyrics you shared say a lot...and I can definitely relate. Thanks very much for commenting. Your kind words were appreciated. :)

Awww ...this one goes straight to the heart strings......

Thanks Sierra. It was definitely an emotional journey for me...but one I'm glad that I took. I appreciate your comment. :)

Storms come and execute their destructions. However they also often root out those less welcoming. This clears the way for those really good friends to thrive and allow some new worthy acquaintances to enter your life. Perhaps see this as an opportunity rather than just sad losses....

An opportunity eh? Hmmm. Yes...I guess one could look at it from that angle for sure. You offer some very sound advice my Friend. I appreciate it. Thanks very much for commenting. :)

I'm sorry you met me right after I experienced loss such as this. It sucks. Period. Days are brighter now. Everything doesn't seem quite so dramatic.

I get it G. I'm sure my sunshine will return eventually...it's just getting there that's the tough part...which I know you completely understand. Thanks for letting me know that you are thinking of me. It's very much appreciated. :)

Kat, life is strange: you can't make yourself stay blue forever. You just can't will your moods. Just when you least expect it, life tosses something else in your face: something to be happy about.<br />
Hey I am old and not so handsome but I go on. Why? There is always something when I need it. For instance, I have YOU as a friend. I am proud of that. You can make great cards, and write too.

You make some very good points Yul...but grieving and emotions take time. To not grieve...or feel your emotions is very unhealthy. I'm simply taking it one day at a time. Thanks for commenting. :)

Just want you to know I care Kat. "The goddess of truth abhors untimely growth." (Hoelderlin) Yes, give it time....

Even the sorest of hearts need to be followed. Just remember that the rainbows aren't gone forever. They just don't come back out until it stops raining. And, it will stop raining at some point. That I can promise you.

Yes...the rain did let up some...and although there are still some clouds in the sky...it's very nice to catch a glimpse of those very colorful gems. Thanks very much for the support and the comment Hiker. :)

It is beautiful and yet so very sad. I can relate to this so much right now. I hope things get better for you soon. If you need me I am here.

Thanks Ms. Diva. Yeah. I'm all over the place right now. But I'm sure I'll be fine. Thanks so much for the support...and I know you can relate. I hope you are doing better now. Thanks so much for commenting. :)

You have a gift Kat of expressing your thoughts and feelings in words, this was so well written and through it, felt the pain you are going through. Am blessed we are friends, hope you embrace your friends as you walk on this journey, a rocky road, a bit bumpy and not as smooth as you have experienced in the past. As you do the road will rise up in front of you, become smoother and you will be a much stronger person because of the road you have traveled with your friends

I agree RD. Good friends are one of life's greatest treasures for sure. *smile* They definitely can make a tough journey a lot easier. Thanks for the lovely comment my Friend. I'm glad you enjoyed my poem. :)

I'm truly sorry that you're going through this. I do wish there were something I could do you you in RL.

It's okay my Friend. Time heals right? I'll be okay. Thanks for stopping by. :)

I can feel your heartache...and I am sorry that you are going through this...

Me too. I'm sure it will get better. Thanks for dropping by Ms. Feisty. :)

This was both beautiful and sad.<br />
*Hugs*<br />
<br />
I hope everything works out and gets better soon. <br />
You are an amazing writer :)

Thank you so much. I appreciate your kind words. :)

quixotically beautific

Thank you. :)