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I Do, And This Is The Final One For Me. NOTE: AS OF 180411, I HAVE ADDED A FINAL SECTION TO THIS STORY. IT IS IMPORTANT; I AM STILL IN SHOCK. PLEASE READ



I loved a man here at EP enough to want to marry him one day.

But he loved his ex-EP girlfriend and all her friends here (who are also his friends), far more.

He was not able to distinguish between real life and real love, and internet flirtations with these women.



I didn't ask anything of him but love. He wouldn't have had to give me anything materially.

You see, I come from a wealthy family and am a very high income earner.

I had recently taken off a few months to look after a family member who is seriously, likely terminally ill, but that's because I could/can afford to.  I did it to do the right thing by my family, even though I have not had the best relationship with them.



All I ever asked was for this man to love me as I loved him.  Deeply and truly.

I found out today that he didn't when he sent me a pm breaking it off.

Actually, I found out several days ago when he told me he was still speaking to his ex and laughing and joking with her.



In his last pm to me, he told me that I would likely post a story to malign him after our break up.

If he reads this, I would like to tell him that no - I am not writing this to malign you.

I am writing this, my dearest darling, because I loved you the most out of all the men I had ever known.  And I need to write this, because you have truly broken my heart.

I told you that if you were ever crippled by an accident or dying of a disease, I would look after you to the end of your days,and I would be ever faithful and likely ever-celibate after your death.  That is how much I love you.

I am crying now because I am so  devastated, which should make your girlfriends/my bullies and enemies here, happy.



Your breaking up with me has made me lose a lot of faith in men.

I thought you were one of the best, but you didn't turn out to be because you loved your ex and your EP grilfriends, more than me.



I hope one day that I will meet someone who will love me for me.  Someone who will restore my faith in men.  Someone who will make me realise that men don't go around breaking hearts  with impunity, and that they appreciate and respect the woman they are with.  Someone who will never break my heart.



I think the only way you will understand how I feel is if you meet a woman one day whom you love passionately, and she does what you did to me today.



But, truthfully, I hope you don't, because no one deserves this.





A pentultimate point that must be made.  In case you didn't know already, this bullying by your ex and her friends of me, was all over you.  They wanted to keep you in their circle and missed your daily flirtatious gestures with them.  They missed all the attention you gave them, before I  came along.  You see, with me in the picture, you weren't able to give them as much attention as before.  This is the truth, and I suppose it takes a woman to see it.



One day you will realise that I told you the truth about many of them.  And about me - how much I loved you.




Finally, to all my EP friends and the ones who actually cared, I will miss all of you.  EP was a happy place for me before the events of the last 1-2 weeks.  You made it happy for me.  I wish all of you the very best in life.  


I want you all to be happy.


 
A Post-script:
I will probably be forgotten after I leave.  Or thought badly of once my detractors are able to spread enough rumours about me here.

So I want to tell you who I am., as my name will be deleted off this post after I leave.

My name is FeasibilityStudy and I am female.  I have a no-nonsense and direct exterior, but am a kind, compassionate and loving person inside. I have never said a bad word about anyone here - no matter the rumours -  and only posted stories naming people in the last week in self-defence in order to get them to stop harassing me. I have an uneasy relationship with my family, but am working on making things better.  Especially in light of today, I realise that blood is thicker than water.

I once had the world at my feet and was bright and shiny and sparkling.

I hope to restore that after I leave EP.




Goodbye.






A Further Post-script:
After this story was posted, I had a phone call today and several messages from Epeeps who cared.  After speaking with them for hours now, I have decided to stay.  I love EP.  Only some of the people here have made it a very negative experience for me in the last 2 weeks.

But I think, now that I am less upset, that I will start over here.  I will cast off the old baggage and move on.  One person,in particular, has made me realise that I was the one who loved too much, but was never really loved in return.  Importantly, he said that if someone loves you,they will never put you in a position where you have to fight to keep them.  I believe him.   Life is a learning experience - you learn and then move on.

The only legacy of this experience now is a $300.00 mobile phone bill - I made all the calls; perhaps that should have told me something in hindsight. No matter, I'll pay it and move on.

Thank you to my true friends here for caring enough about me.  I love all of you.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

EDIT 180411:  An EP friend today showed me incontrovertible proof that the man I loved had played me out with my bullies/his EP ex and her and his girlfriends.  Whilst I was trying to fend off the bullies and trying to save my relationship with this man, he had been calling them - especially his ex and another - telling them that I was throwing tantrums and had a pathological hatred of his EP friends,  Then straight after he sent me a pm breaking it off with me on my Saturday morning/his Friday night, he pm'ed one of my bullies here, GM, and told her to tell everyone (my bullies) that he had broken up with me.

And between my Saturday and today, my Monday, he has been sending me emails outside of EP telling me  that I was the one who was insecure and venomous and needed help.

My God, my God!  If he didn't want me couldn't he have just broken up with me properly like a gentleman?  Instead of orchestrating this whole bullying scenario to get rid of me?  Now I feel physically sick.

Without mentioning names, this is the final pm I sent to him today:



  • FeasibilityStudy Apr 18, 2011 4:45 AM

    I now know that you were talking to your girlfriends. OOC, KHAW and GM in the lead up to your breaking it off with me.

    Here I was fighting off my bullies and trying to keep you as my guy, and there you were sabotaging my efforts.

    Another EP user sent me a copy of some of OOC's whiteboard scribbles.

    I don't know what to say.  Couldn't you have gracefully broken it off with me without talking to your EP girlfriends about it?  I was trying to fight them off with one hand tied behind my back - you were my handicap, because while i was trusting you, you were sneaking around talking to my bullies and discussing the demise of our relationship with them.

    Oh my God.  Oh my God.  

    Do me a favour.  Forget about me.  Forget  we met, forget we fell in love.

    As of now I can't love you anymore.  You just killed whatever feeling I had for you.

    FYI, I never harmed any of your girlfriends or said anything bad about them.  And if you believe I did, you are a major fool.

    And to think I thought you were the one,  OH MY GOD!!! HOW YOU HAVE BETRAYED ME!!!  Oh God I was such a fool with you!

    No forget my prior pm to you.  I can't ever be friends with someone who treated me so badly. You abused my trust.

    Find someone else who is on your level with how people should be treated.  Goodbye and good luck.

    _________________________________________

    My name is FeasibilityStudy and I was played by a lot of mentally ill and psychologically disordered people on this site.  Time to get back to a sane and real world.  


     

deleted deleted 26-30 28 Responses Apr 15, 2011

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Hi, I don't know you, I don't know the guy who hurt you (hopefully never will) but thank you for staying and sharing this story, you're truly strong. Reading this I wanted to give you a hug and share my ice cream with you. Don't let all this *insert a bad word here* persons destroy your light. Shine brightly, just for the heck of it ^_^ *hugz*

I hate bullies they are the lowest cowards with no self esteem . sorry what happened to you & hope you dont lose all trust in men im sure there are nice ones ........and hope you find someone that deserves you.

I am a good person and would always treat you with respect. Please stay, we could share thoughts and stories.

We don't know each other, but I'm so very sorry this happened to you.

After reading all this, and as odd as it might sound, allow me to say that this experience is one of the *best* one can possibly have. It has allowed you to see where you're getting negative energy from, how far you can tolerate being bogged down by ill treatment, how far you've drifted from you own sense of dignity. This whole experience has been a wake-up call and it has served to make you reconsider your actions and who you allow into your life. Well done. By saying goodbye and good riddance to all those sources of bad energy, you're elevating yourself above them. Keep it up.

believe me, i can imagine how you feel. i've seen and experienced my share of the same kind of **** unfortunately.

hmm, so much for nice guys, for real men. but it wouldn't be the first time i've seen someone, men, create a bizzare situation or tell extraordinary lies in order to extricate themselves from a situation instead of just being honest and telling the truth. what is it about being honest and straight foward that scares people so?

My experience was nowhere near as viscious as yours; but I, too, have had my heart broken here.<br />
<br />
I think at its best, EP is a great place for friends to provide one another entertainment, companionship and support. At its worst, though, especially when deep romantic feelings develop, pain an heartbreak often follow.

"I will cast off the old baggage and move on" - that's a mature person talking; one I'm proud to "know", albeit through EP only. The best is yet to come, FS; go get it!

You never truly know someone until maybe you can gaze into their eyes. I wonder if all this persons woman friends know. I have a male friend who suddenly deleted his EP account who was great friends with me. I am happily married so we were just close friends. But I don't understand why he so suddenly disappeared today or maybe yesterday.. I wonder who this mystery person is?

FS, you groovy chickie babe, the world remains at your feet still! You are as bright, shiny, and sparkling as ever (maybe more) and only temporarily lost sight of that. You know I'm here for you whenever you need me, darlin'. HUGS!!

FS, i agree with you completely in being bothered by the fact that the one you loved stood by while you were under attack, didn't seem to have your back. i don't know too many people that wouldn't have felt hurt and betrayed by the inaction of someone that is supposed to love you.

lovely to hear :O) I guess "behind the back" says it all really.. my comment was related more to the article than your personal situation of course... since im posting it in this rather well followed story i dont think i qualify as "behind the back" teeheehee<br />
<br />
Im glad to hear your on the mend and realise it will get better. proud of ya :O)

I feel terribly for you both and yes online the word love seems to be used as freely as lol. its makes it very hard to asess the intent of it..... If you judge it too lightly it can get you in trouble. if you judge it too heavily, it can still get you in trouble... <br />
<br />
Sometimes its said lightheartedly.. Sometimes theyll move into your house 3 days later.. Its enough to make one fear the word tbh..<br />
Anyhow best wishes to you both for a speedy recovery. i remember being there a few months ago....<br />
<br />
PS it doesnt automatically make them a cheat to be talking to an ex.. I have to talk to my ex, she has custody of my daughter who I treasure. As a less bright part of that conversation on Tuesday I compared her relationship with me to something rather distasteful happening to my backside lol. (im not going to clarify beyond that you get it, or you dont lol) Im not proud of that and try to deal with her more gracefully generally, but it gives you a good idea where my head is at with her.... lol<br />
<br />
I also talk to another ex I broke up with over 8 yrs ago. She is a married woman and the fact she still talks to me indicates she was treated well during and after NOT that im a pla<x>yer. Just the other side of the coin... Generalisations are rarely wise. Hence the saying about *** and assume......<br />
<br />
Peace be with you my poor suffering friend :O)

not that i know him, but what i do know of him i have to say i'm really surrpised that things turned out the way they did. just as surprised as i was by someone i thought i knew pretty well. and i agree that the word love is used all too lightly, offline and especially online.

you're right and i guess it's that much easier when someone comes along and treats you better than anyone ever has before. that made me ripe for the picking.

it's quite disappointing to see the ones we loved in this light. makes me wonder if we really knew them at all. i thought i was too old to be fooled but i called that one wrong.

i'm really sorry for all the mess that you've had to deal with lately and sorry that the man you loved turned out not to be the person you thought he was, something that i can more than relate to unfortunately.

I'm so sorry. What a heartbreaking story. I'm glad you've decided to stay here where it appears you haves many friends. Hugs.

Hi FS :)<br />
I am glad you decided to stay. I have been in somewhat of a similar situation. Not exactly but some things that drove me to the point of almost leaving (you already know this though:)). The people who are my friends here, that love me and chose to help me through are the reason I am still here.<br />
Love and life is all about choices, I HATE that you are feeling this way because you are a special person that deserves love, someone that can give you the kind of love you give them. <br />
I've dealt with the negativity. my best suggestion, clean your circle, get rid of any potential drama, trust only those that are your friends and have YOUR best interest at heart. Protect yourself ..oh yea in the end remember this ...KARMA is a *****! Come on my friend..I hope that brought a smile to your face :) <br />
<br />
XOXOXO Snowy

I said it before... and I'll say it again...<br />
<br />
Y A Y :) *funky dance*<br />
<br />
Why can I smell patchouli? :/

I was also fooled by a man I truly loved my dear. I had to find out that he had a girlfriend and she is 8months pregnant. He had told me that they broke it off and he kept no contact with her. I have had to meet her and he dumped me right in front of her, telling her that he doesn't want me anymore and that he wants to be with her and their baby! I cried for days because I felt like a fool but now I pulled myself together and wiped dry my tears and I'm enjoying my precious life,stress free! The sad part of the story is that she doesn't know that he still follows me around and tells me he loves me everyday. So my dear I'm new on EP and I don't know how to let out my feelings but a part of me was healed via your strength and how strong you have stood up for yourself! I admire how you tell your problems and at the same time give out advice! What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, good luck!

It was sad to read this story I also know what it is to give a 100% of yourself to somebody who didn't appreciated it and I'm not talking specially about this person I'm just talking ba<x>sed on my own experience I feel bad about what happened lately since I'm not used to see this kind of arguments and fights in EP but what really moved me was this story and how I deeply identify with it I know how you're feeling been there too but there's a life after this where you will start to love & value yourself before anybody else dare to break your heart again you will survive *hugs*

Oh I am so glad your staying FS!!! I am so glad your not letting those people win ^^ I am proud of you

I am very saddened to read this FS. Time makes it less. <br />
If you need to stay in touch with friendly strangers send me a msg. I'm more than willing to do it :) <br />
I can't say I am very shocked but I am very touched. <br />
Be strong, my friend.

Time will heal FS. And anyone who has ever been someone to a person are never forgotten. I do believe<b> we are the sum of the people we interact with in our lives</B>. Quite literally... we are all a little bit different for having met each other.<br />
<br />
*hugs*<br />
<br />
It's a small world and you're living in my favourite corner ;) I have no fear :)

I'm sorry. You will sparkle again, I promise.

Im so sorry for you. I hope someone will give you the love you deserve one day.