That Goes Back To 1996

I should stayed in Los Angeles and not left home with my boyfriend at the time. I was so in love with him, and thought he was my soulmate. In the end, it didn't work and my journey began from going to Minnesota to meeting my biological dad in Hawaii to eventually going back to California. But I wish I had stayed because my mom passed away about two weeks after I got to Connecticut from the long road trip. I wonder if it had been better if I had been there when she had the heart attack/stroke. I know I shouldn't blame myself for the stress of me leaving home causing this. But would I wanted to have been there for her final moments. Would it have been comforting or upsetting to look back on. I think it would have been a traumatic thing to have been there. I think I wouldn't have wanted to see it all. But a part of me wants closure of being with her as she departed. Anyways, it cannot be changed.

deleted deleted
1 Response Mar 5, 2010

You'll e okay KittyChanel. You can't get wrapped up in blaming yourself..especially since it wasn't your fault. Take your time to mourn if you need to as this is both important and healthy. But don't allow yourself to become over-consumed with doubt, worry stress and regret. Not only will indulging in these feelings not help you, as you know they will hurt you. When you start to doubt the wonderful path that I'm sure you're on find something positive that you enjoy and focus all of your energy on it. You and the rest of the world you effect will be better off as a result! I can relate to your message because my story shares similarities with yours. You realize the importance of time and quality of life due to your experiences thus far in not having someone you loved dearly here to continue on with in life. So take your wisdom and use it to your fullest benefit. Each time you begin to regret or stress use this as a cue to focus on the things you are thankful for. This will not replace your mom, as nothing will, but it will allow you to enjoy the time you have here and the abundance that you have before you. I am glad that I saw your post. Thank you for affecting my life and sharing a little piece of yourself with me. ((((hugs)))))) KittyChanel!