I Really Know Why People Hate Me

This is going to be kind of long, so if you're a stupid person, or just someone who doesn't like to read, then don't bother with this because it might go over your head, or you might stop half way through.

As always, I was very deep in my thoughts last night and I was thinking a lot about how I am. Ppl often ask me why I'm so down on myself or why or if I do hate myself and what not. I've never given a straight answer because to me it seems silly to tell them why.

Ppl hate me because I hate me. Everyone is so lucky because they can leave me, don't have to talk to me, sleep with me, eat with me, be me. I can't leave myself, I have to deal with myself all the time as does everyone else as their own person., but they handle it way better than I can.

For some ppl, I portray myself as this girl who is uneducated, ignorant to everything and everyone around me, stupid, ditsy, and dumb. The fact that I can talk like a preppy dits helps me make it seem true that I am that kind of person. I'm not stupid at all, I do stupid things but it doesn't make me uneducated or ditsy. I pretend to be this person because I don't want ppl to think I'm capable of (hurting them, scheming against them, being sneaky... etc) things. Making ppl believe that I'm incapable makes me feel safe because they don't have to worry that I'll do something bad to them should they **** me over. I don't like to be ****** with by anyone and I will get you one way or another, and I will make that person hurt without putting a finger on them. I'd make them hurt to the point that I want them to think of committing suicide because I'm an ******* and they deserve to feel like **** if they made me feel like **** first.

I'm a great observer, I observe everyone I come in contact with even I I'm unable to meet them in person. I like to feel ppl out and see what kind of vibe I get and I play on that. When I observe ppl, I like to see what their weakness is, how emotional they are, and their mental status as well. It's to help me make a better judgment as to what kind of person they want to be friends with or whatever the case may be. If I have a bad vibe about someone, I'll still talk to them, but it doesn't mean that I like them as a person. There are many faces to Persephone (my nickname) and depending on who you are and what you like, I'll show you who you want to see, I'll be who you want me to be. Call me an impressionist, fake, two faced, I could care less, the fact is that I'm good at what I do and it's worked for many years now. I could be an actress because I can get into all these characters I can portray.

Why some ppl may like me, could be because of good qualities they think I have, some may believe that I'm pretty sexy, a good writer, good lay, whatever. Why most ppl hate me is because they think I can't be of some importance or stature as they are (even if they're unimportant), they could be jealous about something, they hate who I am, what I am (bi), what I look like, because I don't believe in higher greatness as they do, could think I'm fake, or because I told on someone for something they did.

Everything I do, I think of the domino effect before I do it. Like for example, if someone is shoplifting, and I know them and with them at the time, I like to imagine what would happen if I told someone, and they did something about it. I try to think of how the person I'm ratting on would feel and think, I try to think of the person I'm telling to would feel/think, and I would only do it to protect myself so it doesn't come back on me, make me look bad, or that it was my fault that someone did something stupid. Also with the domino effect, I always think of what would be my outcome, I know the person or ppl would be mad at me, so I try to come up with a counteraction and figure out how to deal with the situation, or sometimes I'll have to tell on myself, but I wouldn't give every detail.

For the little list of things as to why ppl hate me I can invalidate all the reasons why they hate me, I can make a list of things I like about myself, but I don't believe in the list half the time. I can fake it with everyone else but me. It doesn't bother me anymore that ppl hate me, I don't blame them, in fact, I feel sorry for everyone I even talk to because they shouldn't want to talk to me. No one should want to have coffee and chat with me about my life and all the boo-hoo bullshit about it.

I hate myself because I'm selfish, greedy, mean, evil, I'm an *******, I use ppl and hurt ppl and I don't feel any remorse at all. It actually makes me happy to see that my words and my actions can make someone cry and feel bad about them self because that is something I learned from everyone who ****** with me.
AspiringPersephone AspiringPersephone
22-25, F
2 Responses Jul 22, 2010

That's sweet JK, thank you

You seem to have great passion, if you can turn it around . Find kindness in people and in yourself. You are a very pretty girl, believe in yourself and others will believe in you also. Don't be a hater, put a big smile on that face. Good luck :)