I Know You Don't Really Care

I know you don't really care..but i'll share it with you anyways. just to make it clear to who ever is taking the time to read what im typing now,im not writing this out of bitterness,anger or depression..I just felt like sharing my feelings and taking a load off my shoulders and hoping I can get some opignions of a helpful word or two in my comments bellow.I always wondered when a family memeber or a friend asks you to talk to them when you feel sad or happy or whatever if they actually genuienly care,I know somewhere deep down they do but cant help but feel they dont cause they have enought issues of their own that I dont wish to burden them.

I know nobody cares about me xcept my parents. I feel when someone expresses caring for me they just do it out of a feeling for social obligation; "im an adult therefore I need to show I care for her safety or care how she feels"..you know what I mean? but then again I try to believe people do care. I feel like know cares about me because people my own age seem to not avoid me but seem to be reppeled by me..is it because im too quiet or I give of negative body language due to my shyness..or are they theatened by my independence and that I dont feeled required to be around my friends 24-7. I feel like people would care if I was there or not..and no im not saying this as an alternative for suicide im just stating an observation my overly critical brain seems to believe(not always but sometimes). I wonder if its all in my head and that people have expressed caring and liking me but just done so when I was in a recoiled mode or in my deep tinking mode. I always wanted to ask to my family and friends(both my age and older) but fear to apearing pathetic or overly insecure teen.

 

I know its normal to go through a period of uncertainty at my age..but going through it and trying to understand myself now is harder that usual. Im usually good at this..understanding me and people but now im a bit lost and hoping someone could give me a little boost of advice or help to get me back on track? is it possible that every teacher friend ive ever encountered pretended to like me and when they said im sweet,beautiful,kind and generous and all that,that they're just saying that out of social obligation and dont mean it?

 

I remember my favourite teachers in the past all had there own unique way of descibing me. one that sticks out was when my french sub in high school said I am like a black pearl I didn't know what he meant but after my teacher said that it put a smile on my face and he smiled back. I wondered if those teacher etc really did care at all or if it was a social thing? im at the point at not really caring if anyone on here thinks badly but I hope no one does.

well that concludes my burning question do people really care,when they ask how you feel?

or when they say nice things,or say compliments..?

or when they express concerns for you saftely and offer to drive you home..? etc

BelleRaven BelleRaven
18-21, F
3 Responses Feb 18, 2009

thank you All for you comments!<br />
to Jmuhjacat: thanks, your comment is most appreciated!

You are obviously very intelligent and sensitive, and btw, no, you are NOT ugly. Far from it! You're quite an artist, too. And FYI, the black pearl is the most rare and valuable one. ;)

just so you know i read your story not out of obligations but because i found it interesting and feel like you do sometimes. I wonder if people really do care like i do and most of the time i can say they don't or at least in my case. my husband thinks its because i am Canadian it makes me more caring but i beg to differ. yeah, maybe i do put to much faith in people but i believe there are many people who do care.