I Never Do This. Forgive Me.

1.] I want to take a drug test and show it to you all. That guy you all thought would end up on meth ended up clean. I know all i need to about drugs. I don't need to do them anymore. And I'm better off than most of those who criticized me. And i'm well informed on the matter. 

2.] If you weren't ready you probably shouldn't have invited me over and eaten a bunch of xanax after we'd been going out for months and slowly building up to sex. You took my v-card and dumped me. I still think about you but in strangely detached way. Even so you define what i find attractive now. It's all based on you. Compared to you. Half of me hates it. Half of me takes our better moments at face value and leaves the rest. I don't really respect you. I do care what happens to you. But most of all i think you're a complete, utter B I T C H. 

3.] I'm sorry for being just as terrible to you as #2 was to me. I should've known better. I didn't ever really like you. I hung on so long not wanting to hurt you. You seemed so fragile. Funny that i respect you though i never liked you. I loved #2 and don't respect her now. I do want good things to happen to you and right now, it's not looking so good. Stay strong. It took me awhile to realize how strong you were. i just hope you give yourself the same credit. You're a beautiful person and again i'm sorry. I'm an @$$ hole. 

also, don't let ANYONE ever tell you you're a bad lay. They're lying through their teeth. That was the greatest sex i've ever had. 

4.] I can't stand you. I love you truly because you're my mother. But i really can't stand you. I know i'll hate myself when you die because of this. But you're a *****. You're my opposite in every way and i have to wonder how i came out of you. I love you dearly.

5.] You were sort of a terrible father. You provided, you never hit me, but i've always felt like an annoyance to you. I always felt that i was almost not there. That you looked through me and at the dresser i was standing in front of. You weren't there when i needed you. Only because you didn't know how to be. You spent most of my child hood locked in your bedroom moping about how you wished you'd never married your wife. I can't blame you. You weren't meant to be domesticated. You're excited now. Animated. Alive. You want to make our bond stronger. You want in my life now. I feel it's too late. I'm past letting people in, it never ends well. You can't expect the old dad to just slip away like none of it ever happened. I don't blame you. I understand because we have a lot of the same problems. I can relate to you but sadly most of what i've learned from you is who i don't want to be. I love you even though i never say it. I know you're gonna be gone soon and that terrifies me. I wonder if i will regret never getting that close to you when i had the chance or if not being that close to you will make things easier. 

PreferAnAstronaut PreferAnAstronaut
26-30, M
1 Response Jul 27, 2010

damn that's long. sry.