Dearest Phil

The chances are you will never see this, but I have to get this off my chest.

I love you. I loved you for years, but you don't know or at least don't acknowledge the fact. It ******* kills me knowing your with someone who treats you so horribley. You tell me about all the things you hate about her and then go on to say you love her so much. I know I have someone, and he is a great guy, but you have had my heart for so long. It's hard to go on everyday. Everytime I see you, talk to you, text you I just want to confess all my feelings for you. It's hard because I think deep down you must want me too. You said you wanted to have an affair with me, but than proceeded to tell me it would be a one time thing. That you love your girlfriend and love and lust are two different things. I know that part is true, but I wish I was the one you loved, not just the one you lust. You say you love your girlfriend, but then why do we always wind up in compromising situations together. You let me give you blow jobs at your work and love it. When we kiss it is explosive. It's like fire running through my entire being. If you loved her, wouldn't she be enough for you? Wouldn't she keep you satisfied? I hate how I stare at my phone, waiting for your next message to come up on the phone. I hate when you blow me off. I hate that you say you got to stop texting because your going to your girlfriends. I hate all this but I still love you more than words could ever describe. You make me feel so many things. You make me flustered, happy, depressed, wanted and unwanted all at the same time if that makes any sense at all. It kills me that you are with someone who treats you horriblely, who doesn't appreciate how wonderful you really are. We could be so wonderful together. I love you more than she ever could. I would do absolutely anything for you and right now, for you, I am suffering all these feelings in silence for fear of upsetting you or putting you in a compromising position of having to choose. Part of me wants to confess all this to your face in hopes that you would finally come to your senses and see what's been in front of you the entire time. Then there is the other part of me that absolutely if terrifed that if I do tell you that means losing you forever. I couldn't stand it, I don't know what would become of me. It's agony living in silence, but I can only imagine how much worse I would feel to know I could never see you, touch you, talk to you..ever again. I hope one day I have the courage to tell you and be able to deal with the response I may get.
                                                                                     Yours Truly,


Maemi Maemi
18-21, F
2 Responses Mar 18, 2009

Thank you rndmn1960

I wish you the best of luck on this.