So Scared!!!

I am so scared, I have spent my life being to afraid to find love, I have grown up watching everyone else finding love, being afraid of finding love being hurt has cost me dearly, I finally found someone last March it happened so unexpectedly that it made me think of all the years I have missed out, when you get used to being alone for so long I found that failure was just built in to my character by now & within months I screwed it up but for just over a third of a year I LIVED and found something I thought I would never find "HAPPINESS"I thought I would have time to adjust to being with someone but I ran away a lot when we were together & without warning she gave me the slip, I desperately am trying to pick myself up, I learnt a precious lesson that you don't know how many opportunities you have to find someone in life it is so scary to think that " I may never find someone else " I don't want to be alone, in the moment you don't appreciate what you have I look back to pretty much the only time I was happy & at 37 years old the best of my years are gone. The one time that stands out to me is when we were together one night watching t.v. we we're laughing uncontrolably so much so that I started coughing " will I ever have that again" & not that looks are the most important thing in life as well as being kind I could never have wished for a more beautiful looking lady & " life" oh I lived, I went out to restaurants nature walks & I knew that every guy was looking at " my girl" I have never felt so special & loved, I had it all & didn't appreciate it. The days and nights are now so alone & lonely.
somedayandoneday somedayandoneday
36-40, M
Jan 7, 2013