Needing Help From WithinMy confidence is terrible. I wish it was better. People seem to care about me, love me, think I'm pretty, think I'm a good person, and tell me to open my eyes to what they see. I'm trying. It's so hard when you have been dejected so many times, what do you believe.
A friend recently told me, "...in order for you to be happy, you must be happy with yourself first....the only way to do that, is to love yourself first and foremost..."
I'm combating and struggling with myself on a daily basis. I'm afraid. I'm terrified of letting my guard down and listening to myself. I'm fearful that I will start to rely on what I think is genuine...which I have before...and get hurt. I restrain myself and refrain from walking in this world thinking that I am...lack of better words...a good person.
Just today, I hurt a friend due to the lack of filtering my words and choosing them more cautiously. That hurts me. I don't want to hurt someone. I feel like I never do anything right and tend to do everything wrong. Times that I think I have done right, something happens to prove me wrong. It is exhausting.
It seems that I cannot accept love nor give love because I do not love myself. I want to be happy but cannot be happy until I am happy with myself and who I am. I'm still on the search and trying to discover myself. I want to mend this self image and self confidence that I have and possess.
I need help. I am afraid. I need to start looking at life a little more optimistically than I do. I need to liberate myself from the chains that hold me shackled to the depths of disgust for myself.