Why Do I Not Believe In Myself!?

Hi All,

I have decided to reach out to a community like this to try and establish some understanding around my lack of confidence.

I am a 23 year old man, I work in the centre of London in a good job in a reputable consulting company. I earn well and I would say in that respect I am probably in a 'better position' than most people who lack confidence. However I have always had issues.

When I was a younger man (16-20) I weighed in at 17 stones and it was all bad weight, I had a crushing few years with bullying and relationships and nothing went my way. I managed to drag myself through school and university by avoiding social situations. I am now a healthy 11 stone and would describe myself as physically average

I now find myself in a really hard place. I recently broke up with a girl that I have been seeing for two years, whom I moved to this town to be with. Now I feel I need to escape this town to stop myself from thinking about her as its tearing me apart.

We broke up because I find it extremely difficult to talk about my feelings and what is going on in my mind. I have always found it hard to talk to people (presumable because of my teenage life), and spend 80% of the day on my own or in my own company. I have always found that easier than being social and 'falling short' of normal conversation

Does anybody else experience this? - My lack of confidence is really starting to show at work, where I keep myself away from opportunities and don't interact with my team when opportunities arise (team drinks / events)

I really want to be different!
londoncitysleeper londoncitysleeper
1 Response May 7, 2012

I have the exact same issue! I will try to talk to someone and I can never have a meaningful conversation and therefore a meaningful relationship with people. I do this mostly because of my experience with people: I have moved multiple times and it just seems easier to be alone. That belief is a major cause of my lack of confidence. The best thing that I have been able to do is just to force myself out of my lonely, hurt-free comfort zone and have the awkward conversations with people until it isn't awkward anymore. Hope this helps.