The Quiet Me

It's so easy to bluff confidence.  Having the real thing is a different story.  Isn't it interesting how even the beautiful and famous people suffer confidence issues within themselves.  So buying confidence is out, too.

I find that when I am around people that I know genuinely care for me, I am naturally confident.  They know the real me, they love and accept the real me; faults and all!  The unfortunate part is that there are way too few of these people in my life, and thus my struggle with confidence continues and has to be fought like a beast that threatens to conquer and crush me at times. 

I used to look at the way people assembled their wardrobe, styled their hair or used accessories to accentuate their good points as having confidence or not.  But as I got older and matured myself, I came to realize that real confidence comes from security in who we are.  We cannot know who we are if we are not told, and especially not told by people who's opinion of us we cherish.  I can be without any make-up, my hair looking like a nest, my oldest daggy clothes on and feel completely confident because I am loved by the people I am with.  I see older ladies with lots of wrinkles and gray hair up in a bun who have this amazing confidence that has come from a lifetime of being around family and long-term friendships.  I want to be more like them, not hide behind the facade of accessories that without, my inner self is naked and lacking again.

Many little children exude so much confidence.  They are reminded of who they are, how special and how much they mean to the people in their life.  I didn't have this as a child and struggled immensely with self-worth.  I am still my biggest critic, but I also know that confidence is something that blossoms when nurtured with kindness and encouragement from others. 

wavystarz wavystarz
31-35, F
4 Responses Jul 16, 2007

I am quiet too! I dont like drama!

I think its important to be careful of the language you use. You may feel you lack confidence, but most people will feel this at some point or another. Dont label yourself with lack of confidence. Just acknowledge that there was this time you didnt feel so confident but that ok.. because thats something you are aware of and will work with. It doesnt mean its you all the time

I think there's a great danger in overemphasising the role that others play in *creating* self-confidence. That sort of internal confidence has to come from within. Think about a child, or an unnutured animal - their behaviour shows us something very obvious, that confidence is your natural birthright. Our less anxiety-ridden animal cousins need no reinforcement of self esteem or self worth; they are confident unless they are hurt. The same goes with humans, except we have the great fortune to realise that being hurt is not the be all and end all. Self-confidence, I think, is one of the simplest things in terms of its mechanics - all you need to do is forget yourself and all the worries and burdens and thoughts and unhelpful voices. Just be *in* the world, walk forwards from spot to spot. Dispel any thoughts of yourself, think only of the world. Of course, it is much, much harder to put that into practice. On the other hand, I think that the confidence given by other people lack depth - what people give with all their heart can still be taken away when they are not there to support us.

as long as you like the person you see in the mirror ,thats all that matters.