Dad........What to Say

Dad, I write this knowing that someday you will be gone and I may not be there to say goodbye.

I believe that I got my hard work ethic from you, from times that I remember you had a truck route with Pepsi back in the old days, then you moved to wonder bread.  You showed me the importance of providing for your family.  Doing whatever it took to make sure bread was on the table.

Yes times got hard when we were growing up wondering how ends will be met, money so tight that we wondered how it was done.  But it was, you were always confident with yourself, you had said to me more than once and I have tried hard to have it in my life, "Do all that you can and when you have gotten there and you can do no more turn it over to God and he will do the rest.  Then be at peace with that."

Very good advice and it has worked for me on several occasions.

You moved to new jobs with a machine company and then with an irrigation company, hours were long during the summers and you barely worked the winters.  You got me a couple of jobs working with your companies which I was very grateful for.  You were able to mentor me in the learning of what working for money means, how to value your bosses money since he is paying you for your time and talents.  That a job means working not like some today which is sit on your butt and expect to be given.

You tried to be positive on every thing even when your company that you worked so hard for, with so many years of service, let you go on a stupid thing that didn't work and you tried to do the right thing and got terminated for it.  I know you were bitter after that for a while.  I don't blame you, it is something that I worry about for me and how will I handle it.

I thought we lost you when you got into the snowmobile accident and it took them hours to find you, I knew as soon as mom told me that you were lost and they needed to look off the trail for you, it is good that they found you when they did or other wise you may have come out of it worse if they found you earlier and tried to move you.  The next day on Thanksgiving I has something to be thankful for once more, that you haven't left yet and are still there.  Your shattered arm healed well, the blessing from the Lord really helped, it seemed you were just getting back then the cancer hit.  Damn.  Almost lost you again but after 2 years you beat it back in to the abyss from where it came.

Now you have been able to work and feel better and it has been 6 years since they said it was in remission but you are still not 100% due to your liver is having a hard time of it.

Now you have broken your hip/thigh where the cancer was, and you have gone through a full hip replacement.  Now you are healing from that.

Not once have I heard self pity come from you in all of that, not once have I heard you be depressed from your trials, not once have I talked to you and you have not been thankful for being able to wake up that morning.

Dad you have been a great example to me in my life and I am trying to live the way you have with patience, kindness, laughter, confidence, self sustaining, and love.

I have learned a great deal from you, you have taught me skills that I am using today in my work, I can talk to you about it because it translates over to what you did for your companies so many times.

You have taught me how to be self sufficient, to do things my self and have the confidence to take on a task with out fear, to be able to do the job and finish it.

You have showed to me the meaning of inner peace, to place the demons of doubt and worry away for they are nothing more than the objects that block us from achieving what is possible for us in this life.

You have showed me what it is to have a classic sense of humor.  Not to be the clown but to be genuine in your telling of stories which makes it real and others appreciate it.

I wonder now that I am older how it was for you when grandma died, I didn't see a tear although as broke up as I was I am sure that you were shredded, and I don't remember grandpa except shadows and what you have told me.

I have learned from you the importance of keeping our departed ones in our memory and not to let them die, we grieve for them because we miss them but you have taught me that they are in a better place, and we will see them again, and it is important that we don't dwell on how they died but how they lived, were they full of life?  Did they have passion?  Were they happy with themselves? 

You tell me stories of my grandpa and his father and what they did and how they showed great respect for those around them and they were very blessed, then you go to grandma's side and you talk of her teaching back when the town didn't exist except for a small group of houses on the river bank.

You show me that it is important to remember them for who they are and not to carry their weight as a burden but as an inspiration to put forth in our lives.  To use the principals that they lived by for they are eternal in nature.

How you have taught me so very much, respect in myself for who I am and how I am here, for what I can do and to not fear the dawn of the next day but to see it as a gift and to treat it as such.  To be positive about things that happen in our lives and don't get down about our failures but to learn from and grow off of.

Dad I thank you for what you have done, you have raised me well, I hope that I can transfer the knowledge that I have gained from you and have my boys learn just as much from me.

I know that there will be a time where I will not be available to say these things to you and I will miss my window to say what was really important.

I love you dad.

Your son.

mtvlm mtvlm
41-45, M
Feb 20, 2009