Treated Me Like A Used Toy....

When your little your taught to be nice to everyone, that the world is full of hardships, that to be successful we have to work together. So than why is it that I feel like I am so often shunned by others? This is my story of the first girl I loved, my first best friend, and my first regret. It taught me that the world isn't always innocent and that girls can and will use you to get what they want, and then will pass you off as if you are worthless. I'm not saying this out of anger, but of sadness of losing a friend that I held deeply in my heart.

After starting college I realized quickly I didn't fit in, I can't hold liquor, am shy as hell around women, and have been told that I give people a vibe of intimidation and overconfidence, making friends seemed out of the question. I am the loner in the front of the class, trying to answer every question first like it was some great prize to know some of the answers. That's why I couldn't believe when in my 3 rd year was approached by someone, and the biggest shocker of all, a person of the opposite gender. Immediately I lose my "wanna be street fighter attitude" and start tripping on my own tongue, but somehow she didn't seem to notice nor care. She told me that she had been studying by herself, and it didn't seem to be going too well, her grades where just not as high as she deemed appropriate, and wanted to know If I would be willing to help, since in class I seemed to comprehend it. I somehow managed to get a "sure I'll try my best" to squeak out my mouth, and she walked away...

The next day she followed me out of my morning class much to my surprise and told me she had an hour off, and asked if I would join her in the library, I did, and we worked quietly, but I managed to calm down enough to at least speak somewhat intelligently enough to evidently not sound like a complete moron. I learned that without realizing it we had almost identical class schedules, and that she was majoring in science just as I was, I also quickly found out that this straight A student was way smarter than me... that I in fact was turning into less than a mentor, and more of her pupil, with each passing day.

We kept up this arrangement for about 2 weeks, studying at the library every other day, and I started noticing her differently, before I viewed her as someone of supreme intelligence, and superior in every way possible. Now I was starting to see the real her, the beautiful smile, dark hair, but somehow bright silver eyes, and outgoing personality. I was scared she would notice, how every chance I got, I would stare at her without even realizing it. I later found out she had a huge social group that she was blowing off just to study with me, and eventually tried to get me to join in, that didn't work however, because even though I seemed like a little kid to her (I was 18 and she was 21), her friends seemed to think I was drug dealer (a false rumor that started when I got my corvette) that I had no personality, that I was the stereotypical guy who "pick things up, and put them down"

So she said forget them, and started hanging out with me all of the time, basically all but ignoring them, however I felt like something had changed, that although before I could tell her she was pretty or talented, that she now, when I even alluded to her being special to me in anyway, I was met with a stern glare that told me to shut up. I realized then that I had a problem, I was "friend zoned" because of my fear of losing the only person that would talk to me, that I had missed out on something else. 6 months of being in the friend zone, I did something silly, I tested the strength of it, it was Valentine’s Day, I bought her a flower, a small silver necklace, and a card. Not an all out I love you card, but it was in my mind, enough to say that I cared. I knew that she was single, and I felt like she was dropping hints and encouraging me all day when she would sigh or make a comment like I wish someone would give me flowers.

So after school, she ran off to the bank for a quick errand, telling me she would be back in 10 minutes or so, perfect here's my chance I thought, and when she was gone, I quickly set things up the way I wanted them in the empty class room nobody used but us, and then stood outside waiting for her to come back, when I saw her I did what was probably the stupidest thing I could do though, I didn't go back in, I went to my car, and ran to McDonald's for half an hour, even though I hadn't eaten all day, every bite made me wanna chuck it back out, so I returned thinking I had given her time to think, denying to myself that I ran away. I went in, nothing looked like it had been touched, and all of my earlier doubts vanished for some reason.... This I felt was a direct challenge directed towards me... No longer did I feel like hiding it all like I had before when I set it up, wishing I hadn't done it when I left, no... Now I sat there, thinking how dare she completely ignore all of this? After an hour she came back, looked at the table, and said "is this for me" I said yes, and she said "boy, your tripping me out, I need to go smoke" what felt like an eternity later she came back in picked up her books and stuff and as she walked through the door again she repeated "you are really trippen me out" just like that she was gone... Without even reading the card, she left it all, even the flower.

We didn't speak about it, maybe we should have, I don't know, but things where not the same, she avoided me as much as possible after that, being really friendly still when we were forced to work together, but distant when I sought her out to do things, no longer would we sit and study, go to lunch, or do anything together anymore, we went from being so close she would ask me to walk her to the bathroom so that we could keep talking, to her not even being able to look me in the eye, in a matter of days.

Than graduation started to get near, we both were graduating with honors, and she started talking to me again, until it was like nothing had happened. The day before graduation, I had my corvette in the parking lot, and all of a sudden she came in crying "I forgot my keys in my car, the door is locked" after calling her dad, and found out he had a spare at the house, but that he couldn't get them because he was at work, so I offered to drive her home, I did and she seemed thrilled at the opportunity to ride in a sports car, top down, cruzing slow, watching for cops even though I was driving slower than my grandpa, all in all I thought to myself this has got to be the best day of my life as people watched us go past, even our favorite teacher was there (yea I'm so nerdy I had a teacher I considered to basically be the mother I never had). She thanked me profusely when we got back, telling me she was sorry she had made me go to the trouble of doing it and such, and that it probably wasn't what I had thought would happen the first time I let a girl ride with me in the Vette (at this point only my dad had been in it before). I had to keep repeating that it was no trouble at all, and she drove off.

The next day at graduation she talked to me a little with her friends there, I could tell she was flat out drunk, but I didn't say anything, we made it through the ceremony, and then, to this day I can't figure out what happened... I met her outside the double doors but she wouldn't talk to me... Just kept mumbling something about having to find her friend Sarah, and I offered to help her look for her, she didn't say anything but she started walking and I took that as an ok so we walked down the halls till we met up with her family, I stood back and waited for her to introduce me (I'd never met them before) but she never said a word to even hint that I was their... And then the bombshell came, I decided to go give a final farewell to my favorite teacher, and she was there, so I took a picture with her and all that fun stuff, and guess who should come over, but her, she then proceeded to hand me her camera and sternly told me to not break it, then had me take a picture of her with her friends and family. I did so and then asked if I could take one picture with her (since I was taking the pictures, I wasn’t in any of them, and didn't have any) to which I was told "Umm no way, sorry I don't take pictures with strangers" stressing the strangers part, all I could do was stand there, I had no words, as they walked way.

The teacher patted me on the back and said its ok, and I stiffly returned back to my family, and went home, skipping dinner reservations, no one asked why, and I didn't offer an explanation. That was the last time she spoke to me, I didn't get the chance to say goodbye, I emailed her later thanking her for her help, and asked her to forgive me if I did something wrong, but she didn't respond (email I wrote is in my story "My Email To Her... It Was My Last Attempt") Than to top it off I found out later from one of her friends, that the locking her keys in the car was a set up, and that I had fallen for it. When I think back now, I remember how used I felt, but at the same time, how much I loved someone for the first time, even though she didn't love me back. Even now sometimes I catch myself holding on to my phone praying she will call back and give me an explanation...
I know most of what happened was of my own doing, but please girls, give us a reason for breaking it off... I can think of no worse torture, than having someone you care for deeply, drop out of your life without explanation or goodbye.
(Forgive me for the errors, I typed this out on an iPad, since my laptop decided to die)
bommer537 bommer537
18-21, M
4 Responses May 21, 2012

First off - Saying 'I'm starving' isn't an attempt at a date. Nor is the like. <br />
It meant she was hungry. You know, that feeling you get when you haven't eaten in quite some time and your stomach rumbles. Chances are yes, she wanted to go get food, with you, but that doesn't make it romantic. Neither does going 'I'm cold, may I borrow your sweater' or the like. It just means a persons cold and wanting a sweater. <br />
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It's the same damn way going 'oh want to hang out this weekend if you're free' isn't a date, no matter if it's a single girl asking you or not. It's not a date, or romantic in any way, sense, or form unless the girl asks 'want to go on a date this weekend if your free' or unless it's highly obviously flirtatious (ie. she just touched your arm & told you how good looking she thought you were) and in the middle of a conversation where moments before she asked if you had a girlfriend. See the difference yet? <br />
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You go around putting all this extra meaning into basic every day things. It's like me assuming you want to date me cause you told me you were hungry. If wanting food = wanting dates in your mind, well that makes you an exception to the norm rather than the rule. <br />
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Secondly "asexual" isn't a sexuality. Just because it ends with 'sexual', like homosexual, or hetrosexual, doesn't make it one. An asexual person also has a sexuality - ie. being gay, straight, bi, etc. Asexuality is a reference to a persons lack of interest in sex, or lack of sexual arousal from other people. Where as sexuality (being gay, lesbian, straight, etc) refers to not only who you find sexually attractive, but ALSO to who you fall in love with. <br />
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Meaning you can have asexuals who are gay, - because they're a man, who falls in love with other men, even if he has no interest in sleeping with anyone. Asexuals who are straight - because they're a person who falls in love with the opposite gender but have no interest in sleeping with anyone. Etc. Etc<br />
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Chances are, you aren't/were never asexual, rather, just going through a period of time in your life where you had no one you had a crush on, as being asexual is similar to being gay or straight in the sense of being a life-long-thing. Not just you having yet to meet anyone who you liked.

I sense you are getting defensive, I'm sorry; I really wasn't meaning to come across as being combative. Yes, it was fallacious of me to say that being hungry was a connotation that she wanted to go on a date, when I had not provide you with further information, that may have allowed you to come to a similar conclusion. I blame this lapse in judgment being somewhat involved with the fact that I had just awoken ten minutes before replying to your earlier response.


So here is a little added information involving this case, starting with exhibit 1a.)

1. -a.) This young woman would in fact "snuggle" up against me, as we where either next to her car or mine when she would make such statements as...
--I) Wanna go out for a bite to eat?
--II) I'm quite hungry, we should totally go to that little dinner downtown!
-b.)
--I) Would you like to go for a drive?
--II) My dad’s not home... Would you like to come study in my room? --III) My friends and I are going to go dancing on Thursday, and I don't have a date would you like to come party with us?
2.
-a.) She made many obvious comments involving her or my relationship status
--I) So I noticed you have a ring on your hand, that wouldn’t happen to mean your married would it?
--II) My ex boyfriend used to verbally abuse me, so I dumped him, I haven’t -been out with anyone since
--III) I saw you talking to a girl today, was that your sister?
-b.)She would say things to try trap me into telling her how I felt
--I) Seriously man, I really need to lose like ten pounds, I feel like I’m going to get a muffin top.
--II) Hey I think I see a gray hair… do I look like I’m getting old?
--III)(My favorite)I think you must be gay…

That was just a short list, since I obviously cannot remember, or have the time to write down many weeks worth of conversation… I hope that is enough, without me having to provide you with more intimate details…

Next issue… Yes you totally want to date me… you just don’t know it, enough said.


Lastly I used the term asexual because in my groggy, morning mindset I therefore could not think of a better word to use in its place. I never said it was a “sexuality”, I used it in a way to convey, that up until this point in my life, I never had felt any form of attraction to either sex. However a quick Google search shows me that I did use this term correctly for the general purpose I used it for…
Since, as Jessica Engelman puts it in her article, named “Asexuality as a Human Sexual Orientation” “However, the new proposed definition for “asexual” presents it as a (human) sexual orientation, following that if heterosexuality is attraction to the opposite sex, homosexuality is attraction to the same sex, bisexuality is attraction to both, asexuality is attraction to neither sex.” This article was written in 2008 on the website, serendip.brynmawr.edu, so therefore it probably is not up to snuff for many people, but I don’t have the time to find a more recent article. This should be enough information for you to ponder, although, seeing as you do seem intelligent, and have provided me with some very well thought out points that I had previously not contemplated, it’s probably child’s work.

I feel the need to 'pipe up' so to speak, as there really hasn't been any female comments from someone around University Age. <br />
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Most women are CLUELESS guys want them. Not just because they're unable to notice it, slow, or inattentive. Rather - they don't want to notice, because frankly, they don't want to know. <br />
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A woman often feels... awkward, out of place, and guilty if she finds out a friend likes her who she doesn't return romantic feels for. For a woman's mind, somehow, EVERYTHING about the friendship comes into question. It really throws a woman.<br />
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In many cases, it can also feel more like an insult rather than a compliment. That the man was there cause he wanted to date the girl, rather than being there seeking a mutual friendship she was after, that was in her mind to some degree much more important<br />
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Lastly, I want to move onto statistics. <br />
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In today's world, each person knows approximately 500 people. Not all necessarily by name, some strictly by appearance, and not all of those 500 people are someone we know very well. Some people who we know, we've never even spoken to.<br />
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The average person likes approximately 1/500 people they know. <br />
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You liked her. Chances are, she likes 1/500 people she knows. <br />
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Meaning, the chances that two people like each other, are actually freakishly LOW. ( I think it's close to like... 1/ 250 000 or something like that) Yet every day around the world, people get married, people fall in love with one another, people start relationships. <br />
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Don't lose hope, just because the odds aren't in your favor.

Ok first off I want to say she initiated this, she came up to me, she was the one who would at first try to get me to take her on dates, (I assume, since she was the one that started making comments like "omg I'm starving!" in the beginning I was not looking at her as a potential girlfriend, up to this point there had never been anyone who caught my eye... In fact I was afraid I was "asexual" (wasn't gay or straight), since to me well body parts are body parts! We all have them, so I never got retarded like the other guys when a girl would bend down in front of me... I was like so what...
Anyways that changed along with a lot of other things after I'm going to say 2 weeks of knowing her, maybe it was longer I don't really remember, I just noticed that I would catch myself purposely "seeking" her out in the classroom, and would keep glancing at her, I know that sounds creepy but I don't know how else to put it, anyway I think that by the time I realized I did have feeling for her (my body kinda made it obvious to me that I did, besides the fact at I was having a really hard time focusing when I wasn't around her) I think she lost interest in me, and I think that she felt weird that she had "given up" on me, either way I'm not sad about it anymore, infact I'm over her since I wrote this, now I'm just curious as to what I should do if I'm elver in another situation such as this haha

you sound like my son he's in college highly inteligent feels like he doesn't fit in girls do him the same way people r gonna b people you gotta learn to accept people for who and what they are and not feeed to much into a frienship u were thinking with your heart which is good but let's face it females just wanna have fun these days when it's time for that special girl it will happen i promise you will not b alone all ur life your still so young and have so much more life to live your gonna meet all kinds and sometime the one for you is right infront of your eyes smile

Thank you, it's not that I'm afraid of being alone, I'm my best friend after all, but it just hurts so bad that she could pretend (I can't think of a better word, I don't mean it in a way that she was faking every minute if that makes sense) to be my best friend, but than just completely drop out, it doesn't make any sense too me...

"I know most of what happened was of my own doing, but please girls, give us a reason for breaking it off... I can think of no worse torture, than having someone you care for deeply, drop out of your life without explanation or goodbye." <br />
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This just about sums it up bro. I believe you commented on my story "The Brandy Effect"; I just want to tell you that we seem so much a like. I also believe that she was a little thrown about what you did for her (Valentines Day). It might have been a complete setup to tell you the truth. Brandy, the girl that was "into me" is popular as well. After reading your story, I am inclined to believe that either we were both setup. Or they did actually have feelings for us, and they just wouldn't allow themselves to fall for us. Who knows..? They haven't told us and probably never will. A lady friend of mine told me something very interesting about women. <br />
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"When you're friends with a woman, understand that you two will never be anything more than just friends. Accept the friendship for what it is, it's a no strings attached relationship. It's a way of loving another person, without having to the shi* that couples do. If she wants more out of the friendship, she will indeed let you know. All you have to do, is be there for her in the time of NEED."<br />
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That was probably the realest shi* I've ever heard in my life bro. Feel free to add me as a contact, I'm fairly new here. We can a little more about these hard-to-understand women.

That does seem like very sound advice, I was thinking along the same lines up until Valentines Day, at this point I guess I just got tired of waiting... and in the beginning I felt like she was really into me (1. I may be making events in my head match what I wanted her to feel. and/or 2. She did but I missed my chance because of my fears).
I refuse to believe it was a set up, because she shared things with me about herself that she never even told some of her best friends, some criminal I hate to admit (Ugh feel so weird admitting this but I know they where true, because my dads a cop... (I don't think she knew that at the time))
I think a lot of it was my lack of communication, she would tell me stuff for hours, and I honestly tried my hardest to be open and talk about myself too, but out of every 5 hours of speech from her... I was probably lucky to have spoken 30 minutes of content (Including the "Yeps" "Sounds about right" "That's Swell" "Uh huh" you know, the little couple word stings people use to keep the convo going)
I mean I never had a reason to talk to people before, in high school, it was don't **** with me, and I won't touch you. You do **** with me... well then we have a problem... (Unfortunately the principle explained the "No Violence Policy", but I didn't seem to understand why I couldn't defend myself, and to be honest... I didn't care, because it got me out of class for a day or two depending on the situation, and my dad would always get things straightened out (although he had his own way of punishing me, but he was gunna make me work anyways?))