My ValentineI don't think I'll ever be able to forget my first real love. There's something so special about the first time you realize that you might actually be in love with someone, its scary and daunting but also exciting and new.
I was 13 the first time I feel in love, halfway through 7th grade. He (I'm gay- if that wasn't already obvious) was a year older than me and I looked up to him tremendously.
I thought he was the best thing in the whole world, everything he did was just magical to me. I was completely obsessed, I would try and spend every moment I could with him and when I couldn't see him I was most likely thinking about him.
He was out of the closest- unlike myself- and nobody seemed to mind. He was likable, popular and everyone wanted to be his friend. He simply oozed charisma and charm wherever he went. I think that I wanted to be him more than to be with him.
We had always been friends, not close friends, but friends all the same and in the final week of term I approached him with a valentines card. It was one of the scariest things I have ever done.
He was shocked, but said he'd be my valentine anyway. I was so happy that I kissed his cheek and ran home, a stupid grin stuck on my face for the whole way.
I saw him the next day in private- I had told him I wasn't ready to come out and so wanted to keep our 'relationship' private- he held my hand and we talked about anime for hours. Which was really the only thing we had in common, aside from our sexual orientation.
He gave me my first kiss, it was a sweet and innocent kiss that left us both blushing and unable to look the other in the eye for the next ten minutes. I laugh when I think of it now.
We 'dated' for about 3 months before he decided to break up with me. He said that I wasn't willing to be with him publicly and that I was too young for him. It broke my heart, I cried for days. I thought that my whole life was over and that no one would ever love me because I wasn't ready to come out. I still loved him desperately when he found a new boyfriend. Seeing them together made me feel angry, sad and completely hopeless.
Eventually I started to feel better and started to accept the situation. It took a while, but I slowly got used to the idea.
My first love taught me many valuable things about relationships, myself and life in general. I also realized that I could pull myself back up when I felt like my heart was broken. I'm glad that he was my first love, I wouldn't have wanted it to be anyone else. Our 'love' was innocent and childish and I write 'love' because I think it was more infatuation.
Him and I remain close friends, though nothing more. I don't think we would ever work out as a 'real' couple and I have no intention of rekindling our relationship. I'm happy as we are.