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My First Love And Broken Heart

He is my total opposite. The man that I can't imagine that I'll fell in love with. The person that made me laugh about his jokes and made me smile every single time.He's always there for me ever since I transferred to their school.We became best friends in high school and fell in love with each other. His my first love and my first boy bestfriend. We committed our self with each other but actually we're not in a relationship. We're together for a year and two months with that kind of relationship: bestfriends that are lovers but not in a relationship.We have our ups and downs, trails and challenges that we faced in the past year but we end as a total strangers. :((
It's really complicated and it breaks my heart. -.- He doesn't want to end what we had but we had to. For us not to get hurt anymore. He was crying when he told me that He doesn't want to leave me and stay as friends but we need to do that to make things ok. I agree to the point that everything will just be the same and he will never leave me above all of the things that happen. But after that total opposite of what I imagined to happen. It torn my heart apart and broken into pieces. My boy best friend became a total stranger to me. After what happen,we still have a connection. We still try to talk and just be ok about it. But no,it's hard for me to accept the fact that he's gone. I ask him to give it another try but he doesn't want to. He doesn't want me to get hurt anymore. He decided not to talk to me,send me messages and even see me and to make things even worst. He walked away and gave his last letter to me. It says that,"You're the girl that made me cry so much and I love you so much but things are different right now I know that there's a man for you that will love you and never gonna hurt you.Stay the same and never ever change. Smile always. :)" It made me cry so much. I'm very emotional and depressed after what happen. I can't take everything. It's been hard for me just to let him go. It hurts me so bad. Maybe because he is my first love. 3
After four months I heared that he's now in a relationship with his ex girlfriend but it didn't work out as well. I still have feelings for him and I just try to keep it with me.
He is the man who can't be remove in my heart and in my life.And despite of all the things that happened I love myself more than before and be much more stronger than before. Thanks to him and for what happened between us. Even if we bid goodbye to each other,I'm wishing all the best for him. I wish that he'll be happy and in time when we meet each other again I know everything will be much more better and ok unlike before. And when I see him,and when we're ready to be friends again,I'll just smile at him as always what he told me that I must just smile and be happy. I'm still hoping that one day we're going to be ok. ;)
I'm not rushing myself to be in a relationship again so I'm just enjoying myself with my youth and having the time of my life. Fousing with my studies,my family and my friends.I trust God with everything that is happening in my life and I know that he is saving someone special for me in the future. :D
ShaShang ShaShang 16-17, F 2 Responses Oct 13, 2012

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Wow. The same thing happened to me! My best friend for YEARS and suddenly we had feelings for each other. But then 32 days ago he told me he didn't want to hurt me. Not one single word since. But I think you did the right thing. Put your faith in God and leave the boy behind. That what in doing. I'm glad someone else is in the same boat as me:)

That's crazy. I know exactly what you went through, and I'm not just saying that. My boy bestfriend and I were the same way. We care about eachother and love eachother so much. I would consider us and unoffical couple. He's been there for me through anything and everything. He's been my first love. We don't talk very much anymore, he doesn't want me to get hurt and he's afraid I will hurt him. It hasn't ended the way I thought it would. I have a horriable feeling all the time now, and I can't change it. We just want what's best for eachother, and that's all we can do for now. He will always have a place in my heart though.