My first love was like your first love. Their first love. Her first love.
I'm not going to say that mine was different than any others. The only difference between my first love and everybody elses', was that I loved him and he was mine. He was mine.

I'm not sure I can say the same about him. He had a first love before me. Or, that's what I believe.
We were in high school. I mean, they always are, aren't they?

Anyway, I just want to say that, after everything we went through, and after everything that has happened, I hate that I still love him. I swear, it brings tears to my eyes.

He has a girlfriend, and I have a loving boyfriend.
He has a car; I've got my own car.
He works now; I'll start my new job next week.

Yet typing all of this just makes me all the more depressed.
I blame him for all of my unhappiness.
He made me happy. He could make me do whatever he wanted me to do. He gave me everything I ever wanted.

After all of this time, I hate that I love someone that doesn't love me.
After all of this time, I hate that someone loves me, but I can't love them.
Because my love, my truest, deepest, I-would-rather-die-than-live-without-you kind of love, has been wasted on someone else.

Someone who doesn't deserve to have it.
Susananais Susananais
26-30, F
2 Responses Oct 25, 2012

Just wondering Susana, how do you feel about this same condition or set of circumstances now that a couple of years have past? I'd enjoy hearing your insight as to how you feel today about your past and present relationships compared to that time.
If you should have a free minute sometime maybe you could converse and share those feelings if you feel up to it of course. I wouldn't want to ask anything of you that might bring you back to really bad feelings or that would negatively affect you to talk about so consider that before you reply.
Thanks Susana for having shared this so long ago.

You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved... find who is really care for u and one that is he won't make you cry forever..