Thy Love Is Blind...They say never fall in love with a best friend because it'll just break your heart, & one person will always end up getting hurt. I didn't listen very well & before I knew it I had fallen to my demise. She is my best friend... Right? So I should want her to be happy with her now fiance... But I never always felt that way. I felt like the little kid you'd see at a candy store. It was amazing... But for some reason I just feel so STUPID. How could I allow myself to do such a thing, & have myself in such a position... I should've known the signs! But instead I believed & saw & heard what I wanted... I was delusional & after today it all makes sense. There is no me & her anything.... Our past is in the past & what had happened is history. She wanted me to forget about us anyways now that I think about it. It must be a relief for her to see me get over her so gradually... I made a mistake... & not just any "mistake" I truly F#cked up. The most amazing friendship I have ever had & my feelings got in the way. But it is okay, we are still best friends just minus the romance of any kind that I had thought we had between us in a way. Things happen for a reason though & as I think about it, she really doesn't deserve me! She deserves nothing after what I had gone through with her... & here I'll be stuck with her for 2 weeks while she visits. I hope it goes well but at least i have a good 2 weeks before she arrives to prepare myself for the worst... We haven't seen each other for a little over a year so we'll have a lot to talk about... I try to be positive & happy about everything but sometimes I'm still hurt. I wish she would have just told me she was straight instead of bisexual before ANYTHING had ever gotten as far as it did because I am the one who took it too a new level & fell in love while she was falling for guys & what I couldn't provide for her... A ****. But I feel free! I honestly wouldn't want to be with her relationship wise anyways because it wouldn't work out plain & simple for numerous reasons. I guess it was just complete lust :/ but there's plenty of women out there for me & i will find the love of my life someday! & it feels GOOD to say that for once, it is not going to be her... Somebody out there is going to love me & accept me for who I truly am & for once I am proud to say I won't be thinking of her... But it is not as easy as it feels right now.
lostndelirious 18-21, F 5 Feb 9, 2013