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Thy Love Is Blind...

They say never fall in love with a best friend because it'll just break your heart, & one person will always end up getting hurt. I didn't listen very well & before I knew it I had fallen to my demise. She is my best friend... Right? So I should want her to be happy with her now fiance... But I never always felt that way. I felt like the little kid you'd see at a candy store. It was amazing... But for some reason I just feel so STUPID. How could I allow myself to do such a thing, & have myself in such a position... I should've known the signs! But instead I believed & saw & heard what I wanted... I was delusional & after today it all makes sense. There is no me & her anything.... Our past is in the past & what had happened is history. She wanted me to forget about us anyways now that I think about it. It must be a relief for her to see me get over her so gradually... I made a mistake... & not just any "mistake" I truly F#cked up. The most amazing friendship I have ever had & my feelings got in the way. But it is okay, we are still best friends just minus the romance of any kind that I had thought we had between us in a way. Things happen for a reason though & as I think about it, she really doesn't deserve me! She deserves nothing after what I had gone through with her... & here I'll be stuck with her for 2 weeks while she visits. I hope it goes well but at least i have a good 2 weeks before she arrives to prepare myself for the worst... We haven't seen each other for a little over a year so we'll have a lot to talk about... I try to be positive & happy about everything but sometimes I'm still hurt. I wish she would have just told me she was straight instead of bisexual before ANYTHING had ever gotten as far as it did because I am the one who took it too a new level & fell in love while she was falling for guys & what I couldn't provide for her... A ****. But I feel free! I honestly wouldn't want to be with her relationship wise anyways because it wouldn't work out plain & simple for numerous reasons. I guess it was just complete lust :/ but there's plenty of women out there for me & i will find the love of my life someday! & it feels GOOD to say that for once, it is not going to be her... Somebody out there is going to love me & accept me for who I truly am & for once I am proud to say I won't be thinking of her... But it is not as easy as it feels right now.
lostndelirious lostndelirious 18-21, F 1 Response Feb 9, 2013

Your Response


I've been thinking exactly like you.Falling for a straight girl or best friend is the hardest part when you're a lesbian.But stay positive.I know that you'll take some time to realize whether it is love or lust.Like you said,there will be someone out there love you and accept you for who you are.Good luck.Things will eventually get better.Btw,nice name.I <3 that movie!