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First Lesson(s) In Love

I dated this guy for a few months before he broke up with me, and I learned a few things in the short time we spent together. I learned that any guy who makes you feel lonely and unwanted, even if they appear to be doing it unintentionally, is not the right guy. I learned that it's not worth it to stay in a relationship that is ****** 80% of the time and AMAZING the other 20%. I learned that it's easier to fall in love with love than it is to fall in love with another person. I learned that anything he says to you while taking your clothes off should not be taken seriously as it is probably a LIE. I learned that physical attraction can only last for so long, and after that part's over, there has gotta be something else there to take its place. Finally, I learned that when you are the one seeing through a rose-colored lens, your friends and your family are most often the ones to tell you what's good for you. In other words, if they keep telling you to break up with him...you should probably do it.
alwaysuplate alwaysuplate 16-18, F 26 Responses Aug 22, 2007

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Love doesn't mean that one has to lose "value" but it should be the other way around. Love should make you grow as a person and together share the lessons learned on that said growth.

This is an amazing post. So so true. And for all these reasons and more I have given up on romantic relationships with men completely. I protect my emotions and wellbeing above all else.



Thanks for posting this, it's good advice.

It's so true... I realized that when I was 17 years old. I wish I could figured that out sooner though.

Men sometimes find themselves in this situation too....I Fell hopelessly in love with a girl 6 or 7 years ago.....20% of time wonderful.... the rest.....well!!! I still struggle to understand where she was coming from or where she is headed, she is still single and believes that one day a 'shining knight' will walk into her life and everything will transform into a magical world. I was too poor, she went to a private school and insisted that her children will also.....she,d better hurry up, she still looks about 30 but is really mid 40,s. I still actually hope that day her world will be transformed and she will have a wonderful life with someone and enough children to make her so happy for the rest of her life.

*claps* :]

Love n attraction are totally opposite to each other..........love increases day by day but attraction reduces day by day.

Your so right!! When I was with my frist relationship all my friends told me too dump him and telling me he's doing me know good. But I could not see that he was dragging me down. Once I did get the courage to dump him. An felt lost for about month, but soon after I felt so much better in myself. But one thing is.. Once I did dump him all my hurt went within a second and it was like a weight came off my shoulders!!! I'm so glad that I did ^__^

I couldn't have put it any better - everything you said is completely true. What good are "I love you"s if he only says them when making out with you? Physical attraction can start relationships, but then what? The day you wake up and find that you don't really know each other, then what?

you are bang on .I hope life TAKE OFF NOW LOL

wow. this shed some completely new light on a situation in my life. thanks so much for posting this--i was struggling with trying to figure out my thoughts and feelings and now everything just seems to make more sense. :) much love.

Love this post... I want more

AMEN!!

a lot of sad stories in this topic, at least we all learn from these experiences and when you look around at everyone and their stories, you really are such strong wonderful people. i admire you all.

Yeah so basically he lied to you, and you lied to yourself because you were hungry for love. Well, sorrow is part of the reward, but self-knowledge is what matters most.

People around you can help but sometimes you need to go through the whole thing to understand what you want.

I know what you mean, but I'm still with the guy. I can't find the courage to end it even though I get so depressed when I think about him. I'm scared that I won't find anyone else if I let him go.

omg i 100% agree with you.

Happened to me so many times.

Took me 5 blind years to realize it. ^^

Still struggling with the emotion part after walking away from my very first, failed relationship 2 months ago.

But, I hear you! It's for the best.



WE all either win or learn something in the end.

and listen to your instincts they will help to i never had the proublem of waiting to here it from friends i do it my self as soon as i feel theirs a problem i feel like a **** for it but its for the best

well put and very well done good job it takes people years to figure that out

Amen, sistah.

As one who is estrogen-challenged, I can relate. I have mumbled all kinds of things while peeling my sqeeze. All I can say is the thoughts I shared were absolutely true at the time I spoke them.



To our common defense, we are only reacting to a huge biological imperative and we have no choice in the matter.



It is like some demon takes over our brain.



We become focused to the exclusion of all else.



We are consumed with the goal and the close we get to it, the more the madness takes hold.



It really isn't our fault. No one goes in expecting to lie. We just have little or no control of the beast once he is loose.

Thanks for your honesty. Your post is so straight forward and it pretty much describes the guy I used to love.

Hi very good lessons learned



you said it in a nutshell! =)



family and friends are often the best ones to see things that you do not see.



hugz to you

Very true. I suppose, though, until you make the mistake for yourself it's harder to believe it.

Very well said-wish I had read it 29 years ago---when I was in my first relationship and married him-not knowing anything.

That is so extremely true.

I was with a guy for many, many months.

At first he was fine, but then he started to bring me down...a lot.

He would have really bad mood swings and take them out on me.

Like you said, I was so in love with love that I was blind to the way he treated me when he was in bad moods.

Like you said, it was AMAZING 20% of the time and sucky the rest.

All of my friends told me he was a jerk and that I should dump him, but I never wanted to listen.



Looking back, it was a very good learning experience..I just wish it hadn't take up so much of my time.

well said.:) My friends and family kept telling me to walk away from my ex, and it took me a long time to listen. I wish I listended sooner!