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Don't Waste Time On a Dumper
Apr 14th, 2009
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T
his one may be a tad difficult, since I don't like to admit I learned anything valuable from my ex. I fantasize about ways I could have avoided meeting him, like going to bed early that night... but on to the story.
My first love taught me that it's a huge waste of time to carry a torch for someone who has no feelings for you. My first boyfriend and I started dating when I was 15. I don't think he ever had true feelings for me. He dumped me after 7 months, saying he wasn't in love with me. Unfortunately I was in love with him (I think), and carried the hope that he would change his mind and want to be with me again. He continued to call me, and use me for sex, which made me even more confused.
I put my life on hold waiting for him until I was 19. Since I still spoke to him and saw him, I was stuck and couldn't move on. I look back at all the chances at good relationships that I missed. There were so many cute guys at college that I could've gotten to know. But I only had eyes for my ex, and didn't notice any of them. I think if I had quit talking to him from the time we broke up I would've moved on much faster. Not only that, but getting away from him would have allowed me to keep more dignity. Always chasing after him when he obviously didn't like me made me look desperate.
It's important that I continue to use this lesson in my life. When a guy flat out tells me he has no interest in me, I won't stick around trying to change his mind. It's impossible and a waste of time.
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   | Posted Apr 15th, 2009 at 2:08AM Some great lessons in this for you.... :) Look back on this experience only with gratitude....this person did you a great service indeed.....why should you look at it in this way? To retrain your mind to see yourself in a positive light in all you have done and all you do in the future... Another reason ? Because its true...he has shown you how to be strong within yourself to prepare you for a big world our there and how to be careful and discerning about your future relationships... However the biggest lesson here is how to understand about fear in your partners and why they behave in the way they do...(Your husband fits into the category too)... He did not "dump" you because he didnt love you...he left in a hurry because he loved you too much and didnt feel he deserved your love in return... It made him very much afraid of your loving him too much....(not your fault) His feelings could have gone like this - I dont deserve her love - I am not worth her loving me like this - she deserves someone better than me - she scares me - Im not old enough for a relationship - Im not ready for this - I wanna just have fun this commit stuff scares the crap out of me I gotta split - and many more...it is also why guys put on the airs and talk like they don't love you... Its all fear...and unworthiness... Look on this episode in your life with love and appreciation...never regret your past...think back on it always in a positive light...if you think you have made mistakes...change that to there are no mistakes only learning and opportunities for more learning joy and growth... Do it and your life will begin to change to happy not sad... all your past experiences can then become useful and fabulous experiences...it is only a matter of seeing them that way... if you continue to see them as negative experiences your future will be filled with the same because you will look for them that way... this is about changing the way you see things to benefit you not to work against you...   |
 | Posted Apr 26th, 2009 at 11:09PM, last updated Apr 26th, 2009 at 11:10PM dayenknight; Thanks for the comment! I do agree that he helped me become stronger (I think?) and definitely more discerning about relationships. I'll never waste my time on someone like him ever again! This guy in particular though, he didn't love me "too much". I'm pretty sure he didn't love me at all. I won't give him that kind of credit. I can understand why he'd be afraid of me loving him too much, though. I really like your advice about thinking about my past experience in a positive light, as learning experiences. I really do need my life to turn into happy instead of sad. It's tiring. |
| Posted Apr 27th, 2009 at 1:41AM Good for you JG !!! It takes more energy to be negative and sad then it does to smile and be happy.... If you could use a tip you can use to stay happier - then look for things around you every day to be thankful for and start saying them to yourself...Whatever makes sense to you to use...if its God then say Thank you God I woke up alive this morning....thank you God for the sunshine this morning....thank you God for the clothes I wear,, The roof over my head.... the food I eat and the list goes on.... just think of the starving millions on the same planet you are living on....and be thankful for everything you have that they dont...and say it out loud....do it every day....there are thousands of things you can be thankful for...Doing this every day will change your energy levels and you will add to the world around you... Good luck.. cheers |
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