I Miss My First Love

We got together after a program over the summer where we met. We lived far away from each other...5 hours or so. But we txted, emailed and chatted a lot...and ended up together.

We webcamed and talked on the phone a loooot.

He was wonderful.

He could make me laugh, and I could make him laugh. Our interests were the same, and similar sense of humour. I admired his qualities and aspired to be more like him. His work ethic was the best I've seen in my 16 years(not much I know lol).

He was very intelligent, had a huge vocabulary, took all AP classes, was even in ROTC.

 

His manners were nice too, good table manners, he was a gentleman.

We dated for a couple months before seeing eachother, and I have to admit, when he said he was coming to visit me, I was nervous. We clicked well over the phone and chat, but would that transer over to in person?

I was waiting for him to show up, I was so nervous.

I had to sneak out of the house to meet up with him, which made it all that more nerve wracking.

 

Seeing him was so nice, the last time I saw him in person we were on friendly terms, but now things were more intimate.

Things were a tad awkward at first. But that didn't last long at all.

 

We talked and laughed easily, the first kiss went smooth. We had a nice balance of make out sessions and talk sessions. It wasn't all kissing, we could be around each other without being all up on each other. But that was because we had to. See, the thing was that he was older than me. Quite older than me, 8 years to be exact. I was only 15 at the time.

 

He only visited for 4 days and 3 nights, and we had intercourse twice. Things moved kinda fast, and I was uncomfortable, and he was fine with not having sex for one of the nights.

He was very understanding.

After the visit we were together for almost a year. We stayed together for 11 months.

Till we were found out.

I was stupid enough to trust my mom and tell her who I was dating. She was fine with it...for about an hour. She became angry with me.

And when I got the news to go back to the summer program I was so happy. It ment seeing him again, I wouldn't be able to kiss him, but being with him in person was enough.

My mother was very unhappy that I was going back.

She ended up calling the program and telling them I was dating him.

 

It was 3 days before the program. At around 11 pm. I had been looking for the sheet music for electric feel by mgmt for b flat clarinet all night. I went on chat to talk to him.

He had bad news.

He told me the program found out, and he was not to go back, ever. And if he were to go back, he would be taken out of college...and probably be a registered sex offender.

...He said it was best we stopped dating.

It hit me so hard. 11 months of becoming close, of bonding, of loving, gone. My best friend, and first boyfriend had been lost.

The worst part was that I KNEW it was my fault. I was solely to blame for all of it. For my stupidity to trust my mother I was alone. And almost got the one I love in jail, and out of school. I came close to ruining his life, and I know 100% that if was sent out of school that was the end of it for him.

 

I went through with the program anyways. Constantly telling myself I would be seeing him, be with him...right this very second, if I had not been so damn stupid.

We drifted since then.

And I've changed since then.

So has he.

 

But I feel as if that we could get back together. I'm graduating next year, and I go to the same college I think I could become friends with him again for sure. And maybe more. If we could accept each others changes, and harbor more admiration and feelings for on another it could work.

I wouldn't mine being his girl one more time. To give it one more try.

I know there's more fish in the sea, but no one has compared to him yet. I think he's the one.

I find myself daydreaming of taking him to my home town, showing him my old life. Living with him, caring for him when he's sick. Massaging him when he's stressed, comforting him when he's sad.

And like he used to...him doing the same things for me.

 

It's been 8 and a half months, and I still love him.

otter3 otter3
18-21, F
1 Response Mar 1, 2010

I wrote it fast so there's a lot of spelling errors. I actually do know how to spell :P.