Made My Escape

I must admit, I have a strong sex drive and like to have sex a lot. My wife and I had a great sex life when we first met and then for a time after we were married. It was not unusual to have sex 5 to 10 times a week depending on what was going on in our lives. Once children arrived in the mix, things began to change.
Of course, I understand that a woman has to heal up for a while after giving birth (naturally) to a child, but we were suddenly having issues six months after the birth. She just did not seem to be into having sex much if at all. It was not that we never had sex, but would go for a week and sometimes two weeks without having sex. I would try to talk to her about it, but was made to feel like I was some kind of sex addict and that we did not have to have sex constantly, blah, blah, blah. If I asked for a hand job to relieve "blue balls" I was made to feel like I was being selfish.
It was driving me crazy and caused me to look outside of the marriage to fill the void. I travel on business so it was easy enough to discreetly get my needs satisfied while away from home. The internet made it easy to hook up with someone in whatever town I happened to be in. Most of the time, these flings were one-offs and definitely not long-term afairs by any stretch. My behavior would not change when I returned home, because I was still horny to have sex with her and she never suspected that anything was going on.
I would get so tired of the lame excuses day after day. If I tried in the afternoon, I was told it would relax her and make her fall asleep. If I tried at night, she wasn't in the mood. When I tried to start things in the morning, she would have to go to the bathroom. It got to the point I would just quit trying and leave it totally up to her.
I also feel that she was using sex as a control device. Why do women feel they have to do that?
There was a time during menopause that her libido would seemingly increase and we would have sex three or four times a week, but the flip-side to that was going again for a week or two without. I would compare that time to surfing: If the surf is up, ride it like hell, but when the surf is flat, you are **** out of luck!
I finally decided it was make or break time and told her that I was not happy with the lack of intimacy in our marriage and that if things did not improve, I would be moving on. We have a few teens still at home, so I was planning just to separate if need be. She seemed to try for a month or so, then things slipped right back to where they were: averaging once every 10 days or so. I gave it six more months and finally started sleeping in the spare room. She seemed upset at first, but then settled into the new routine of not sleeping together. I found a small apartment a couple of miles from home and stay there most of the time. Either my kids come over to see me there or I will go back home to stay with them if my "wife" is going to be away from home for the night. We still get along with each other and have stayed "officially" together for the kids, but I am not sure what happens when the kids are grown.
As for me, I have always enjoyed the nudist lifestyle, something she refused to even try, and I have been part of the swinging lifestyle for the last several years as well. I have met some great people and the sex has been mind games, no control issues and no being made to feel ashamed, because of my sex drive. Now, if I could just find a nice swinging female to be with, everything would seemingly fall into place.
Cfmn2010 Cfmn2010
51-55, M
1 Response Feb 15, 2012

It's a shame. When the marriage has two who equally lust after each other, it's all fun! Now we're about to visit our first nudist camp to see how that improves our relationship.<br />
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At least from all your posted experiences, you've definitely move on. Happy traveling!