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Feeling Weak ....

When things start to get to me ...
When this transition to my new life seems too hard ....
I re-read this quote ....


" Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like ....

Giving them an extra bullet for their gun

because they missed you the first time.  "



Today is one of those days.
I need to remember this.
Annikka Annikka 51-55, F 4 Responses Mar 31, 2012

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Wow isn't it the truth!! It is also so easy to see it in other people's lives but not to apply it to our own. Leaving or getting divorced sucks and sometimes no matter how bad it was or what kind of situation you left you feel bad about it or just want to give up. I have been there many times over the past year since I started the divorce process.
I need to remind myself it wasn't my fault and i don't need to make excuses for leaving or what i have done since leaving.

Why should you have to make excuses if you have valid reasons?

I don't know it just feels that way. Also the criticism from others hurts.

Haha so well put.

I don't think of it as 'giving someone a second chance'. The way I think of it is: when I meet somebody and I like them, they get a whole bunch of up-front credit.



I go all out being helpful, being a friend, being there, trusting, confiding, lowering my boundaries, loving and investing into the friendship.



They can add to the credit by being the same, or they can use it up by not doing anything, not initiating anything, ever, or do nasty things to diminish it. I am patient, BUT: Eventually, they may arrive at 0. At that point, one betrayal, one immoral act or breach of confidence will have me depart.

There's no way back out of the red numbers. They've had *many* chances already, many chances of adding, instead, they've done many many things to exhaust their credit. There is no going back at this point. I'm saving myself as a priority! It's no longer a line in the sand, it's the Suez Canal in the Desert, and Moses isn't around to part the waters.



You see, it's not about a *second* chance. The relationship has died the death of a thousand cuts ... why wait for 1001. That's the name of a fairy tale.

Petrushka,
I get your point but relationships aren't as simple as nor should they be reduced to business transactions with debits and credits to an emotional account.

Let me put it another way for you then: either you contribute to our relationship in a positive way, in which case I will hold you close - or you are a dead albatross around my neck, in which case I will eventually cut the string.

What I was saying above is: I give a lot of good will in advance. I don't just sit on my butt and wait for folk to do something nice for me. Does that make it clearer? But my good will doesn't last forever, if people abuse it.

I wasn't being "economically minded" in my comment, I was being allegorical.
And, yes, every relationship is a transaction of sorts.

Yes that makes it clearer. I just wanted to make a distinction. On our last attempt at counseling I told our pastor up from that this was the last time I was going to go through this because I keep having to rip over the same wounds, ask forgiveness for the same issues and she always comes back six months, a year or longer and tells me she never really got over such and such and never felt like the issue was dealt with.
My pastor made the point that I could not draw lines like that and that she had to be made to feel like divorce was not an option. I agreed to never divorce her but the problem was she still never felt secure and she still had the same issues. So I can see why and agree with you that there is a point where the other person isn't bringing anything to the table and their account with you hits zero or goes into the negative.
My agreement not to divorce her was genuine but her agreements were not. She either lacked the capacity to be mature enough to deal with issues and get on with her life and our lives or she refused to deal with them. No matter what the reason it was clearly a one way street and it was always going to be that way. She was literally a black hole of need. Once I realized that I knew there was nothing I could do or probably could ever have done.
So sorry for the misunderstanding. I just wanted to make the point that it was not a simple matter for me of I put in this much and you need to put in this much. It was a clear cut case of her either not being able to contribute to our marriage or her not being willing. Either way I felt I had to leave.

Happy to write to you, you must think of spring, fresh air, & new start.

Thank you

Your welcome, very best of wishes for you """i""".