As I Go Forward....

As i go forward in my new life it is interesting the situations that pop into my life that make me reflect on the sexless marriage. For example: I am in a new relationship, and I am aware of the past heartbreak that my current friend suffered. And my heart goes out to him. The last thing I want, is for the person I love, to be hurt or harmed in any way. I want to protect and comfort him, and reassure him that he is loved and cared about and cherished. And just hearing him relate to me some of his past situations, brings the sting of tears to my eyes ....and then I pause and ask myself:....

OK...So what was going on in my Ex-spouses head when we were together.? How can you be married to someone for years, and be that neglectful, that unloving, that unaffectionate, and not realize how hurtful and harmful that is? Where was he when it came to hurting me?

And so, I become more and more aware of the distance that really was between our hearts. We may have been two hearts sharing the same home, but we were thousands of miles apart when it came to love. Somehow or other, the way my spouse thought about love changed, and he felt it was no longer necessary to care about us,and protect and cherish
us. he no longer valued our love.
neuilly neuilly
61-65, F
3 Responses Dec 2, 2012

"he no longer valued our love" I do understand this is very much absolutely right

You may get some answers by looking at Al Turtle's work. His "Map of Relationships" is fascinating.

Take care. Be well.

How does that happen? Why does that happen? Just rhetorical questions. I'm not sure I could handle the answers even if someone had them.
Thanks.

I don't know. All I know is that somehow the partner moves on, slowly, and so you honestly don't catch or notice the subtle clues early on. And maybe if you do, you are self protecting and in denial.You make excuses for the dissinterest. I know I did that. I assumed he just was tired from the hours he worked. But bottom line, my spouse did not care or was concerned that I was hurt. He could not have cared, or he would have lived differently.

Thank you!