for those of you who left, curious to know of any who had grade school kids ( 9 - 13 or so ) I have 2 young kids. Also, were any of you stay at home moms? I do have certifications & the ability to go back to work, but I just wanted to hear stories of how ladies ( or at home dads ) set this process in motion. It is VERY difficult, as miserable as we may be, when the kids are involved. As a 'family' we are actually extremely close, we do lots of activities etc. my low sex husband is a GREAT father & provider. As a husband & wife, we are not friends, our sex life sucks & the last time I felt wanted or desired was 12 yrs ago. We've been married 14 yrs. my mental plan has always been to hang in there till the kids are set in college. thoughts?
catalinatowner catalinatowner
41-45, F
2 Responses Oct 7, 2014

I have 2 kids in grade school, similar ages to yours. I've always worked, but less while the kids have been small. My X had no idea how much I contributed in big and small ways to keeping us going. He only considered the financial contributions I made (or didn't).
I left 7 months ago, and it's been challenging financially, but still worth it. I'm having to ramp up working while in the middle of actual Depression (which is getting so much better the longer I'm out!). And having to get the court involved because X refuses to provide the support required by law. But it's still worth it. My lifestyle is changing, but I'm actually happy to have less stuff and a smaller home to manage, and my kids don't care. One told me she just wants me to be happy. And I am! It's not perfect, but getting better all the time. The first year out is a big transition. But so worth it.

If you can get started on some kind of work, no matter how humble, before you leave, and tuck a little money away (even if it's in store gift cards), that's great. If not, you'll still be okay.

I'm so glad I didn't stay for the next 10 years "for the kids". They're seeing me pursuing happiness, being strong, practical, and eventually they'll see me very happy with someone who cherishes me they way they should expect someone to cherish them.

Good luck to you, no matter what you choose to do.

You don't have to do it alone - friends are willing to help in small and sometimes big ways. Just ask them.

Me too. I think I waited too long Now I am ready to retire