He Walked Away With My Heart...

For almost 5 years I had a wall around me not allowing anyone to get close to me. I was protecting myself from disappointment, heartache and pain. I had been through 2 very abusive relationships...1 with my ex husband and the other with my daughters father. I thought I needed time to heal myself and focus on me and my daughter having a better life. Never was looking for a relationship or a boyfriend. Didn't want one. I was content....but a bit lonely.

Then this incredible guy came into my life. We were just friends but over time my feelings for him evolved into admiration and love. I fell in love with who he was...a kind, caring, compassionate, honest & respectful man. His quirks and flaws were adorable. He was simply amazing and a wonderful friend. I tried to fight back my feelings but after being reassured by him i allowed the wall to come down and welcomed him into my heart. It had been so long since I cared about someone that I forgot about the possibility of getting hurt.

Life was grand and I felt what true happiness was. Life was perfect ...I had no complaints. We had been planning a dream holiday together and were working out the final details. Then one night it all came to an end. It was out of nowhere and was something I never saw coming. He told me that our friendship was over. No explanation...no excuse. I pleaded with him to please talk to me about it. Not to make any rash decisions without thinking about the consequences. He had a tendency to be impulsive at times. He didn't want to hear anything I had to say. I told him I didn't want him to go but he said he already made up his mind and wasn't going to change it. I was devasted and so confused. I had no idea what was going on. I was angry at him for not allowing me to speak. I don't recall what I said exactly but I know my last words during that conversation were..."I hate you."

For the last 2 months I have hated myself for saying that. But I was angry at what he was doing. I realize now that I had every right to be upset. That I shouldn't hold it against myself because what he did to me deserved it. Although he probably sees it differently. I don't think he sees what he did wrong...probably justifying it in his head in some irrational way. Blinding himself to the reality of it.

I'm so sorry I said that. I didn't mean it. It just came out. You hurt me beyond words. If I could take it back I would but it still wouldn't change anything that you did. It was only a reaction to your action.

I miss him so very much. I would've done anything for him. I never thought he would leave like he did. I had so much faith in what we shared that it left me devasted. If he was to ever come back I know I would let him in without hesitation. Probably not the smartest thing for me to do but I love him that much. He made me happy...happier then I've ever been. Never knew loving somebody completely could feel so good. He was my true love and my best friend. I took a risk loving him...and I lost everything.
hadyourchance hadyourchance
36-40, F
3 Responses Apr 16, 2012

And im sorry that the man that hurts you is from my place too sometimes its sad to have that way im sure it happens for a reason just let it go and never blame yourself and think about it anymore,why because you are just wasting your time for if that man is for you it will come back because you are meant for each other and as i understand its almost years now that he is not there so its time to move on and find someone that will make you smile and cheer you up and who knows it will be the best it may not be as perfect as you have in mind at least the very best that you can imagine so thats ok never waste your life for the person that doesnt care anymore it will just ruin you and make you miserable.......hhhhhmmmm

Different guy. My ex from the Philipines and I are still friends. I help take care of his elderly disabled father.

well im glad you do sometimes its good to be connected even youre in different parts of the world....right....

sometimes relationship doesnt work out and no matter how you try to make it possible it will end and just hurt your feeling because somehow all those early things is gone and i guess its no use of having together when you know that its not working anymore,reality sometimes hurts so much that you wanted to die,but why would you think that way,always think that it happen for a reason and you should not blame yourself but just let it go and start all over again for you have still the life that will helps you along the way and im sure somehow you will find courage to start again and who knows the love of your life is just around the corner and just need the right time....

wow..i am short of words, heart break is the worst experience any one can pass through,<br />
not once but it happen to you twice, you are a strong woman..i pray you meet someone who will truly love and cherish you..