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And They Hurt Me.............

I still don't understand why. As far as I know or can recall, I never ever used anything they told me against them. I wouldn't even think of it to be honest. I use to think that I deserved whatever bad I got, but that doesn't fly with me now. I know deep inside that I NEVER deserved any of it. So, does that mean that I really am a bad judge of character? Does it mean that perhaps they just couldn't deal with what I am finally becoming & had to lash out? If that is true, if they apologize do I believe they are sincere & open myself again, or do I say you're forgiven but I can't let you in again. I don't know what to think. It's weird because I know what I would have done 6, even 10 years ago, but now because I feel different. I've come so far, it just doesn't feel right to do those things anymore. I'm confused because I don't know how to be this me.... I'm still learning so much about her. I'm use to the other me, where all the bad things were easily explained & life was pain......
It isn't like that anymore. I'm NOT like that anymore. I'm not sure when this change came along, although I do believe it's been on it's way for quite awhile. I just don't know what my future is going to hold, but I'm pretty sure they are no longer going to be a part of it. One of them has emailled me & apologized. I have forgiven her but I am thinking that she isn't being allowed back in. My mind, my heart, my life is about to become my own.... I don't want anyone else doubting my decisions, it's bad enough that I do from time to time... I feel like a toddler just learning how to walk on her own. Yes, I want hands to help me, but I don't want them pushing me down, saying I'm too young. I definitely don't want anyone carrying me either. If I fall, oh well, my *** is well padded, don't worry I won't get hurt too badly. Mahahahahaha!!!!

My life is going well right now, & I can say with complete honesty that my heart is full. Today is a "Love Yourself" day, & I do..... :) Thank you for reading my ramblings...lol

 

Love to all,
 ~Wyn~ xxxooo

deleted deleted 26-30 Apr 3, 2009

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