Labels

Every relationship is unique. Every healthy relationship involves compromise – because you never get everything you look for – and self-discovery - because you find that you need things you didn’t know you needed.

To prescribe the dynamics of a relationship in the abstract and in the absence of a living, breathing interacting partner is to completely misunderstand how healthy human relationships work and no good can come of it. By all means, play games on the internet or in your bedroom but don’t believe that what is happening is real. If you want, search for a man who is strong, decisive and confident, a man who expects to take responsibility for his partner and who expects to identify and fulfil her emotional and sexual needs.

But don’t define your relationship with him before you’ve even met him by calling yourself a submissive and saying you’re looking for a dom as a partner in a D/s lifestyle. Any sane man will run a mile.
GarciaMarquez GarciaMarquez
46-50, M
1 Response Sep 22, 2012

Some thoughts Garcia:Fortunately, I don't find that people who are Doms and subs think of their partner simply in terms of a label. They find the yin to their yang and have much fulfillment in this type of relationship; one feeds the other. A M/s relationship might have more of the "flavour" you describe, but that is an agreed upon dynamic.<br />
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I completely understand how someone who is not naturally Dominant or submissive (most people fall in the middle, so they don't feel a strong pull to one or the other) might see such a relationship as being reduced to a role, but the "label" is merely the beginning. It's what happens and grows between a Dom and sub that makes it unique and fulfilling if you have those inclinations. If you do not have that "need" it will likely feel forced, silly and possibly dangerous.<br />
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As for meeting a Dom or sub and not revealing your inclinations upfront, I respectfully disagree. Many people involved in D/s will tell you that they cannot go back to "vanilla" relationships due to the intensity found in a Dom/sub connection. I think it is unfair for me (or anyone, male or female) to enter a relationship and try to "change" someone into being what they are not down the road. It won't work; it's not authentic. A "strong, decisive and confident" man does not automatically make one a Dom, though those are certainly highly valued qualities.<br />
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There will always be unhealthy D/s and vanilla relationships and there will always be healthy ones. Perhaps one benefit (with 50% of traditional marriages ending in divorce) is the depth of communication often present in a D/s relationships. Most Doms/subs have the desire to know the other to their very core.<br />
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I understand where you are coming from, and I agree that you should not write off an individual without knowing them. However, D/s is a valid way of life and those who identify with it should not be shamed into hiding or denying what they need from their partner.*kiss*