Letter I Wrote To My Dad.. Feedback Please

Howard,

I’m getting really fed up with how you have treated me all these years. It gets old real freaking quick you know. You don’t even know what I go through for you, do you? You must not even freaking care do you? Why are you even labeled as a father, to be honest I don’t even want to call you dad but I don’t even want to call you dad but I don’t and wont disrespect you like you have done me for the past 16 years like you have been always doing. Its time to get real and take life like it was meant to be Eugene. Yes I am calling you by a name other than dad; it hurts me to do it but im sorry. It hurts me to even be writing you letters that I know won’t even make you care 1 more percent then you ever have. Why couldn’t you of made it easier for all of us and been there and here in my life from and on day 1 of my life? Is it really that hard to be a father to 5 kids? If so you shouldn’t have gotten 3 different women pregnant, you should have played it smart and you should have kept it in your pants. Do you know how it or how I feel everyday with a daily basis what I go through because of you? I hate it that im only a once a month or every 2 week daughter to you, im a daughter to you as long as its most convenient for you right? Well how do you think you have put an effect on your child’s life, have you ever thought that? No you haven’t I can answer that for you. If you so dearly got your head on straight to get your license back then why cant you get your head on straight for your kids, or at least on child at a time? Honestly why do you even have kids for, if you cant live in 1 place, keep 1 job for at least a year and see any of us or help take care and raise us 5 kids. How is that hard to be a dad for and to us? I want and need you in my life now, today; everyday, can you see that? What does it take for you to care and realize that? Does it hurt you one bit that you aren’t always doing for us, well it hurts me more because you was never there for me. I go to sleep every night dreaming about you and then I wake up wondering if I get a surprise of you either being in my living room waiting for me or either there to wake me up. Bit I won’t ever get that luck but its okay for me to be hurt all the time right? You don’t care how I feel because every time I try and even tell you how I feel, you wither don’t listen or you make up some lame excuses. Im about to say im done with everything and not even worry about having had a dad so why start with one now? You know it think if you was here and more involved then I wouldn’t have to worry about much and I would be doing way better in higshchool and I would be able to go to regular school. I feel you have put a big whole in my life and heart and I don’t think it will or could ever be fixed. Why don’t you show or act like you even care to have me as your daughter and in your life? You know I don’t even know why I waste my time even trying to get you involved. I know I waster my time writing you letters because I never get a reply back and you never are honest about how you really feel about it.
kaylamerie14 kaylamerie14
18-21, F
3 Responses Nov 28, 2012

Hi kaylamerie-
It can be a cathartic experience to vent your pain at your dad. It's an important step in the direction of your own healing. But as hard as it is, I would encourage you to try to develop a sense of compassion for him, since it's quite likely he suffered some sort of neglect or abuse at the hands of his father (or parents). He needs to know how much you are hurting, but he also needs to know that when (IF) he gets his **** together you would like to have a healthy relationship with him down the road. Until that happens I would encourage you to find some support for yourself (friends or a support group that meets) and learn how to make clear boundaries with your dad with the degree you'd tolerate him being in your life-
Sometimes our parents act like immature children, and we're the grown-ups. I think you have a good head on your shoulders and salute you for doing this really hard work. But you'll be stronger for it, and you are learning to break the cycle of dysfunction that plagues so many families. Someday, when you have kids of your own, you'll be a much better parent than he could have ever been to you, and that's a wonderful thing-
Stay strong!

Unfortunately, the world does not work the way we want.

I'll try to help. First, don't hate him. Hate is never good. Try to forgive. Not for him, but for you. Forgivness is an act of self improvement. Let go of the hate, and you will become less miserable.

Do not depend on anyone else. While we should help each other, and we do live better as a group, some people just don't want to be a part of it.

Don't waste time and energy on something that most likely won't happen. Forget this whole story and be near people that care about you. Keep an open door, but don't sacrifice yourself anymore for this. Invest in things and people that really deserve it.

It's bad, but i think you'll live better this way.

I feel for you....I grew up without my father too....but I didn't have the disappointment you have either....he just *was not*....
I suggest you send it to him....but only after you have figured out why you wrote it...

Do you want a reaction from him? Do you already have an expected response? If you do, you will be disappointed...the only way this letter will have any good come of it, is if you truly don't have any expectations....if it is simply a 'release' for you....

I hope you have other family members, who are close to you, and who love and care about you....you will need to lean on them for support....

I hope you get what you need from this.....
Take care of you, sweetie....

I can't trust anyone to talk to not even my mom. I'm only close to my dad's wife by texting and emails, but he don't know it.