Lett To The "other" Woman....i Wrote It. I Mailed It.

I recently learned my husband had an affair. Well, I'm not sure you can really call it an affair. It was a one time sexual tryst that consummated in the back seat of a car. (Classy, huh.) It began as an emotional affair of texting -or "sexting" if you will. It began just two weeks before it ended. She was a co-worker at an extra job my husband worked that he no longer works. It ended with the other woman sneaking into my husbands car after a doctors appointment that she had a legitimate excuse to be away from her husband for. Obviously this is something this woman has done before.
This is my letter to her: I have blocked out her name and her husbands name and the name of my husband's business to protect the guilty. I spoke with her briefly when she dramatically checked herself into a hospital to save her marriage after her husband found texts on her phone.


(*****'s name),

I want to meet with you.....at a public place. Perhaps you can contact me when you get out to go to the grocery store. I have questions- and due to the outcome of this tryst- I deserve some answers from you. I have all the answers I need from my husband.

I have listened to your husband's voice messages on my husband's phone. You told my husband that your husband has cheated on you numerous times. It's funny, but I (we) don't get that from him. However, your behavior and XXXXX's comments about you give me a direct window into you. - Especially when your husband told my husband, - “You can have the *****!”. Well my husband doesn't want the *****, so your husband is just stuck. Sounds to me like poor XXXXX has been in this scenario before. I have not. That is what hurts so bad. So- in light of this I wonder if you are some kind of power freak. Is it your pattern to single out married men and seduce them into secret behavior that is against every moral fiber of their being? There are those that do this to experience some perverted sense of “power.” I have read about women like you. In fact, I have had women like you in treatment and their sickness is beyond belief. I feel sorry for your husband.

I wonder if you can possibly comprehend the consequences of your behavior- that resulted in your husband's behavior? ie: (Like him calling the XXXXX's office.) Now not only do I know what you are and what you are capable of- the entire XXXXXX XXXXXXXXXX knows your name and of what you are capable. You can bet that the female XXXXXX that are married to XXXXXX XXXXXXX's are on their guard and have your name written in the palm of their hand.

Before they were deleted, I read your text messages on my husband's phone. You are a sexual predator (*****'s name). Women like you know what men like to hear (read) and take advantage of that to experience their sick sense of feeling “powerful”- ie: “I can make him do things he's never done before.” Men are easily persuaded- regardless of their upbringing and their own deep seated belief in what is right or wrong. It was once said that a man will go places with a hard-on that he would not go with an Uzi. Oh... was that you that began spreading that around? Did you grin when you said it and spread it? I wonder. Secret texts. Secret talks. Secret phone calls to my husband right here at our own home and at his work. Secrets, secrets, secrets. Predatory behavior. Initiated by you. It was you that crossed the line. I am not displacing guilt on my husband's part. He participated as well. However, this was totally uncharacteristic of him. Predators can be pretty darned persuasive even with men of the strongest morals. As I said.....I read the texts.

When I spoke with you, your words were that you were “trying to get better.” Get better from what? Being a *****? I don't know of any therapy for that.

I understand your husband wants to talk to me. I will see what I can do to arrange that. Perhaps he will share with me his past suspicions, hurts, pain and anger- and I could share with him mine. Mine however, is current. I have no backlog where secret behavior is concerned like he may have. Maybe he could enlighten me a little on what you are all about. You know...some history.

It's funny......my husband never checks my phone. Has no reason to. Yet your husband checks yours. What does that say about you?

And how dare your daughter call my husband- scream at him- and call him names! How utterly crass of her. Where is her mother's responsibility in this? But then maybe she knows you have a problem. Some sort of sickness. Perhaps my daughter should call you, cuss you out, and call you names. I think you deserve it much more than my husband did. And why does your husband blame my husband for what you initiated? I would love to know. Maybe he is just saving himself face. Bottom line is....that you are no victim. It is your husband and I that are victims!

I am easily reached. XXX-XXXX or XXX-XXXX. I want to hear from you. Or should you and I and XXXXX have a little sit down? - Especially since it is he and I that are the victims of the pain that you helped create. We could do that if you want. Your choice.

And by the way......my husband has already seen this letter, so there is no need for you to call him. In fact, I would highly advise you not do that.

I want answers. I am waiting.
jeannell6491 jeannell6491
61-65, F
2 Responses May 10, 2012

Team EP. I might be putting myself in it but here goes. I separated from my wife in May 2009. She met another bloke in December that year and I learnt of this in May 2010, so in hindsight, no-one did anything wrong. We never split up because of other people, and I never had an affair, although I did get sick of having to hand my phone over and explain things. I did them willingly though cause it made my ex feel better and I had nothing to worry about so why not. Anyway, I went through a bit of a midlife crisis when I learnt my ex was with another man. I had a PA who had worked for me for 8 years. She was very attractive and one day at a work function, she came on to me, so I accepted. I saw her two more times after that, very discreetly because of work. She was married. Like I said, I was going through a midlife crisis where I didnt care about other people. Im not ashamed of it. I was single and I didnt care about her husband. I still don't. Anyway, I met someone else and that was the end of things with the secretary. For some stupid stupid reason in a heated argument with my exwife, I told her about this fling. Remember, this is about 18 months after we split, and 9 months after my ex had started seeing someone else. Well she harrassed my secretary to the point the secretary left my work. My ex would not let it go and over the course of about 2 months kept calling this other woman. It culminated in my exwife calling my secretary's husband AT THEIR HOME and telling him. 18 months after we split, 9 months after my exwife starts seeing someone,. Remember, I did it when I was single and had no sexual, physical, legal connection to my exwife, it had finished 4 or 5 months before and I was seeing someone else. Thats just MEAN. Thats just CRUEL. That family had no reason to be shattered by what that phone call to the husband would have done. That family had no right to be intruded on by a person who had no interest in it whatsoever. I'm not sure what happened to the family. I don't care. I never did. My exwife would threaten to tell the husband. I said so what, I don't care about him. If I did I wouldn't have done it. And hes a small guy. Im a big broad kiwi bloke, no problems there. My exwife said the husband deserved to know what kind of wife he had. NOT YOUR JOB EXWIFE !!!!. You did it to satiate your own anger and spite. And probably not even at the family but at me. Im glad I typed this. Made me know how happy I am to be divorced from her. R

The word/words blocked out begin with a "w", and end with "e". You can fill in the rest.