I Mislead Everyone I Love

I've been telling lies for as long as I can remember.
I create false stories about my past.
Most of these lies I tell to my boyfriend, who I love and can't imagine being without.
I'm 17 and he is 20. I live at home and he lives in an apartment in a nearby college town.

I lie about my family. When I met him, I needed to spark his interest. I needed to be like a movie character, someone fascinating and interesting, someone with an intricate and messed up past that would make him sympathize with me as well as see me as strong and unique.
I told him I'm a foster kid. I told him I grew up in California then was forced to move to my current state because of "legal reasons".
Because of this, he can never meet my family. I've milked the lie for all it's worth.
I also have to lie to my family about my relationship with him because of that lie. The thing is, I never even felt guilty for the lies. I was always being myself, or at least I thought I was. I loved his sympathy, his kindness, but he loves me for reasons other than my past, so I wonder what he would say if I came clean about all of that. But I can't jeopardize everything by doing that. He makes me happier than anyone in my life.

I always lie about my family. I come from a boring middle class family who provide for me, and I love them, but I always find myself telling people my life is so much more complicated than it truly is. I feel like my home life needs to match the insides of me, which is always craving excitement.

My mom looked at my phone tonight, and found out about the lies I've been telling my boyfriend. She's been dealing with me telling huge lies since I was 13, so this is nothing new for her. She just doesn't trust me, and she probably never will. I think the best thing for me would be to get out of this environment I always feel the need to lie about, but I'm not sure.

When I was a kid everyone thought I was a genius. I got lazy, started lying, and things escalated from there. I've moved a couple times with my family, and have had many intense, short lived relationships with friends and boyfriends, and I've always shown different parts of myself with those people, I've morphed into about every stereotype.

I lie when people assume things. They assume something I was hinting about, and I just say, yes, and then keep it going.
I lie with my emotions. I can create an emotion, such as crying, but I've gotten worse at this lately.
I lie to my friends about why I can't hang out with them when I'm too lazy to go out and do things with them. It's terrible.
I lied to mom the ENTIRE SCHOOL YEAR in the eleventh year, when I knew I was bound to fail all along.
I don't really want to stop lying, because it doesn't take up my whole life, but I mean really, it would be a lot easier if I didn't feel I had to resort to lying every time I need a solution for something.
What to do?

My lies make me feel alive, and give me everything I want and need. I'm a terribly passionate person and will usually do whatever it takes to get what I want.

I don't know why I need to lie like this.
haileyzee haileyzee
2 Responses Aug 13, 2010

I can identify perfectly with this. I believe it's conversational to start with. Later on it becomes a fascinating challenge to tell the truth

yeah i tell a lot of lies to and i make up stories. i dont know why i do it, i just do. and i even make up a lie because im afraid that people wont believe my truth...