Sometimes, Its Hard

I know its silly, but sometimes its hard.

Its hard when you lie and people believe you. Because it makes you feel like they don't care. You can tell when they're upset, why can't they tell when you are? You spend hours trying to convince yourself anyone cares.

Why can't they see through you?

You were almost disappointed when you came out to friends and they didn't react. You wanted someone to fight you- but they didn't. They were scared of you and you could see it.

Even your bi/gay friends don't get it- they don't live with your parents. Never been told they were worthless or conniving. Lazy.

And they don't even know your Bi.

Its hard. Life isn't distracting enough anymore. The lies you tell are habitual and easy. You stopped trying to be creative a long time ago. Most days you just don't talk- nothing slips that way.

You're tough. Been that way forever. So long you're not sure you could cry, even with the hurt.

You miss emotions that weren't three-quarters repressed.

The one person you loved was the same sex- and you can't honestly say what happened during any part of it.

But you can't forget them.

Lying is easy when it only hurts you. Saying your OK is so cliche though that your amazed no one catches on... So what though, its not like they care.

Ellor Ellor
18-21, F
Feb 10, 2010