In the hardest time of my life, when I felt so alone and depressed she came. She is my cousin and live in another country. She came for a visit during summer and I fall in love with her worst thing that ever happened to me. At first I thought she likes me to we would spend day talking, leafing I would look at her for a long time she would look back and smile i really thought there are mutual feelings and first time after a long period I felt happy. But time came for her to go home I was sad, she left. After she left we talked only once normally on Facebook. I would say hi she wouldn't respond I thought what did I do is she angry on me for something I asked she sad no. I wanted to tell her how I feel about her but it was hard to get the courage. 7 mounts after she left I got the courage and told her I love her.. she sad no that is wrong bla bla bla. After 2 mounts she came again but she was different around me she avoided me acted cold and she insulted really hard when I tried to say I am sorry you are my cousin my feelings are wrong can we be friends again I went home crying this is a girl I love so much i was always nice with her why is she so cruel to me. When she left I didn't won't to say goodbye. The boyfriend she had dumped her one day before her 18 birthday two days later she unblocked me on Facebook I sent her request she declined and I didn't contact her anymore. Summer came again she came I didn't want her to but this time she was different would came to my work place that is on her way my house sad hi but never stayed long enough so we could talk but slowly till the end of that summer thighs between us got close to normal. I just couldn't resist her but I didn't tell her anything. She left again and I couldn't take it anymore so again I told her on Facebook I love her and know we can never be couple but she is special to me. She didn't respond snd I was really desperate and I did stupid thing telling her mom my aunt about my feelings. She told me that is wrong , she asked my cousin about it she said she only loves me like s cousin. They both blocked me on Facebook my aunt told my mom my mom got mad telling me I am crazy she is my cousin how can I be in love with her. I felt sad even thinking of suicide all I did is love someone and nobody understand me. That helped me I lost all hope about us being together ever and I was ready to move on. As months past I felt better I finally I stopped thinking of my cousin that thing was over for me I went to hell and back. Even started to like another girl. But summer came again and my cousin, I was against it I told my other cousin that came with her that I don't want to se her please don't came. But nobody listened to me. All feelings started again I did everything I can not to happen bit it was enough just to see her one time and I felt love. I just don't understand why this is happening again it is clear she doesn't want to be with me so why would she came. I feel like I am cursed and why she looks me in the eyes but doesn't say hi. maybe I can forget about her again but she will probably came again next year and all over again I can't go try this evry time I am tired life is ****. Why God is letting this to happen. I do nothing but get hurt. I don't have control of my feelings or my life it is so hard write now. And I hate myself for loving her. And yes I realize she is my cousin but I love her so much and we are just a strangers now.
vitoa vitoa
18-21
Aug 16, 2014