I See No Love, I See No Hope, No Hearts, I See Nothing.

I truly am a mistake, i realy dont feel anything anymore. I live in new york in a small town and almost every step i take feels like fire under me. Ever since i had started noticing love or romance, my life has collapsed on top of me. I didnt start thinking about dating until tenth grade, i asked a girl out to the prom and she said yes. a week before the prom she changes her mind and goes with another, no big deal i got over it then. Then at a baseball game, i kissed for the first time with another girl that was moving away, it was without adout the happiest day of my life, no one has ever given me the love she did. after that day... we never spoke again. It turns out, thats all i was, another kiss. we lost contact, again i left it behind me. But in 11th grade, i actualy found the perect girl for me, we loved the same hobbies, same music, same clothing, we even connected multiple times that year, i asked her out and said yes... but she ended up being busy, this is were i started doing the math and thinking about my past. then she and i stopped talking alil bit, and i started talking to a friend of hers, she was going through a rough time with her parents and was texting me constently, eventualy she used "i love you" to me, i asked her out , it turned out she was dating another boy for along time, i was taken advantaged of again, and that day, i died inside. i started seeing all of my friends moving on in life with there lovers and i was being left behind. even my little sister, who was my best friend in the world is dating somone and she dosnt have time to hang with me anymore, agian, i tryed bringing myself to ask my "dream girl" out, but i then entered the nightmare. she would flirt and hit on me, we kinda did it back and forth, i then asked her to the prom and she said yes, she then got in trouble and she told me she couldnt go, i told her i understand, but i was still sad.....but...2 days before the prom...she went with another guy... thats when  ihad a break down, i realy opened my eyes and saw what kind of superfical, back stabbing, coldhearted, aphalmale world as it is. but it dosnt end there, after a summer of clearing my head trying to forget her, i tryed online dating, i had a online friend who i was friends with for a year, we told eachother almost everything, we started calling eachother and agian, i helped her out with the issuse she was having, she was worried that the place she moved to she wasnt making anyfirends and guys were alpha males who couldnt count to 10, i help her out and she even told me she was falling in love with me, we would use "i love you" and she told me she wanted me in california with her. then she started hanging out with this 22 year old guy who started being nice to her, i should have seen what was coming next. but i did tell her that i didnt think i could find love because i am not physicaly or emotionly strong and that i am too nice and i feel like im imature for my age, i felt that girls dont want boys like me, they want strong alpha males that show off to impress girls, then she told me that im a man to her and that there should be more guys like me. well then over fb she writes me a message that says...your going to hate me i allready knew what she was gonna say, she told me she liked the other "man" i told her i dont hate her, i hate ME. she took advantage of my kindness, just like the others and when she was happy, she through me out and she we havnt messaged eachother, i guess its true nice guys finish last, and that no woman whats to go out with a nice boy like me, even though, im not so nice anymore. now here is a summery of me, i used to be obtamistic, kind and friendly, and innocent, 4 weeks ago when i lost conntact with the last girl, i now see a world of cold, hate, disease, perversion, superfical, pastic , false hope state that world i see is in.There is no god i beleive in, there is no person i look up to, there is not one person that i look up to or think is a decent human being, i have a strong distrust in people, primarily girls my age, i dont like hanging out with friends anymore, i am tried of coming in second place for women, there is allways somone better than me, they havnt given me a shot to show how caring and thoughtful i am, i have douts that i will ever find somone that loves me back and forever, that wants me to hold them in my arms forever. My heart has been smashed into the dust by so much superfical monters, that i dont think like a innocent child anymore, infact i think i am a monster just by me existing, a lonly wolf that nobody wants. i am a dark person and i dont feel pity for most people anymore, its so bad it makes me sick when i think about it. when i see a girl in the news that gose missing, i feel like she deserved it, when i hear about a girl going missing after she goes to her boyfirnds house in the news, i laugh that a 14 would go out with a 17 year old thug because she is superfical and she should have seen it coming. i am a moster, i dont want to think like that! but i dont have a reason to not think it because i have not sen evidence of a decent woman or even a decent human being, i came to this site because i want somone to prove me wrong, i see nothing ecept for alpha males and superfical std carrying ****** everywhere i look, i need somone to love me, i need somone to prove me wrong, where i can come in first place, where i am not left behind.
RAWRimakitty RAWRimakitty
18-21, M
18 Responses Sep 22, 2011

Dearest Random dude I don't know, You are only like 18-21 years old. You have the rest of your life to find a special girl. Those girls are stupid for doing that to you. You are an amazing guy as I've read. You have a soul and you care. There are girls out there that look for a guy with a special soul like yours. I know I would kill to have you as at least a friend. Sincerely, A random girl looking for someone to connect with. P.S. Hang in there. We're all here to keep you up. <3

I kinda feel like you. Not all girls are like that, I promise, I just hate most people not everyone but there was one person that I cared about and he left me. My boyfriend died a couple of years ago. we were a really great couple but he died, some poeple made funn of me telling me I used him and I killed him. I do kinda know how you feel. but dont worry it will get better all you need is time.

I'm really sorry you feel that way about girls... Were not all like that.... I wish more boys were<br />
Like you.... Hope you don't feel like that about me :x


This really made me cry....it's happened to me too. I honestly think people aren't used to being treated well, so they leave for the worse people. But..i know you'll find someone. i can't see how you can't. Atleast I think that, but then again, most people don't like me either. So, I guess, in that category, we're just alike. ^w^

Ouch, missing girls deserve it? that's a bit harsh but I get where you are coming from. I've got it so bad myself that I no longer feel pity for anyone else really, I have no more left. Used it up on my own self. See now, if I saw a story of a missing girl, I would gladly trade places with her. I have a death wish and she probably didn't, how unfair is that. Poor kid. (whoa was that my last bit of pity ;) ) The world is superficial, people are messed up, society is screwing us all. And if God does exist he must be one pretty sick minded dude. <br />
All the decent human beings are the ones who have gone through hell, but they're so jaded and ruined, no one can tell they are the good ones. All the indecent human beings are the ones who haven't had a care in the world their whole life so they're so perfect and happy looking, no one can tell they're the bad ones. Ugh it makes my head hurt.

This might seem odd... but... I wish I was like you. I wish that I weren't so shy, that I weren't so anxious, that I could just go up to someone and ask them out like you did. Even if it ends horribly. I feel like I am trapped in a cage of my own creation. I can't do the things I want to do because I am afraid. I wish I could be like you. I wish I had the courage to do the things you do. You're an amazing person and don't ever think otherwise ^^

There's gotta be that girl with the spicy that complements your sweet. The cinnamon to your sugar. I hope you find her.

maybe i'm only saying this because... hell, i don't even know. but at least you've felt something for someone. At least someone has told you they love you, even if it was for a short time. I can't even tell my crush that i like him and in any case, i don't deserve him. But i know how it feels (at least i think i do, i'm not you but...well you know what i'm trying to say.) I'm a freshman in COLLEGE and i've had no first kiss. no dates. no maybe he "might" like you. no NUTHIN@! I hate that you feel alone. because so am i. but at least we can vent a bit. I know this probably didn't help you (i'm the worst at finding words to say) but on the off chance it did.... have a good one.<br />

It's pretty sad how much looks and money, and just how you appear to other people in general matter so much to everyone. I try to not be bothered with people that are like that, but I always find myself around it since it is just everywhere and I don't live in a cave.

I'm really curious about if people really believe that everything happens for a reason. I mean, obviously it does, because there's always a reason behind every action, but I've come to a point where I really can't believe that there could ever be good results from certain actions, coming from me, or from other people. I'm trying to learn that people are just people, and aren't inherently good or bad, but that so much of what we are is judged by what we leave behind in the world. If I'm in a bad mood, and I say or do somethign mean to someone out of my own hurt, I'm only bringing more suffering into the world. Even though I'm sad, it makes me feel worse when I hurt somebody else. It's hard to view myself in any sort of positive light when I've made mistakes, even though people tell me all the time that everyone makes mistakes. I guess I just want something good and real to believe about myself and other people, but I don't believe in any sort of God and I don't want to hear those things. I'm sorry if it sounds pessimistic, but I feel the same, like I used to be a very happy and positive person, until I ruined it for myself with my own mistakes. How does someone get past that? I don't want to be negative, or pull other people into my negativity.

first of all, there is no god, if there was a thing life would be a paridice and there would be no death war or disease. second your right everything happends for a reason, im a 127lbs 18 year old boy who isnt a sex driven alpha male, and i guess the world works at a superfical pastic rate, ive come to realize that love is vertualy dad with people in this age, ive seen how people work in these situations, and i refuse to go so low as to have a superical attitude, it makes me want to throw up how much looks, sex , and money matters so much today.

i feel kinda bad for always commenting (like i'm annoying you?) but i get the superficial stuff. the way people find it easy to make their ways in and out of your like. not that i'm always bothered to see people go... but more like...........them leaving me on a string...or them not giving a warning or a care. you know?.... i suck a words. &gt;.&gt;"

Trust me when it comes to getting married - women/girls prefer nice people like u who are there to take care of them and plus maybe they weren't right for u . Things could have been real worse - what if down the line u had realized that mayb it wasnt what you were looking for. Just hav faith that everything happens for a reason :)

Trust me when it comes to getting married - women/girls prefer nice people like u who are there to take care of them and plus maybe they weren't right for u . Things could have been real worse - what if down the line u had realized that mayb it wasnt what you were looking for. Just hav faith that everything happens for a reason :)

thanks, i hope your right...

wow This is a bad luck story, if i ever heard one! I'm so sorry your relationships all went wrong. <br />
For one thing I remember reading that a few of these women used the "I Love You" before knowing you well enough. That, actually, should have been a red flag right then and there. Maybe go more slowly into your relationships. When you are looking for love, that is when you almost never find it. When you least expect it you will meet someone. Then take it slow and have no serious expectations until you feel you are sure it is for real. And then be careful....<br />
<br />
Good Luck!! PS It's not you!!! You just met up with the wrong women, that's all. Remember that!<br />
You sound like a great guy with a head on your shoulders.

i just cant take the fact people use my kindness to feel beter than through me away like trash

Wow, you definately have the same issue I have here, I know that it hurts, and I'm not done getting over mine, it just happened 3 nights ago, I feel so violated and used. This was our first physical attraction, then he split in a heart beat, no text, no call, or no site of him.

Wow, you definately have the same issue I have here, I know that it hurts, and I'm not done getting over mine, it just happened 3 nights ago, I feel so violated and used. This was our first physical attraction, then he split in a heart beat, no text, no call, or no site of him.