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My Boyfriend Is In Jail....

I'm a 16year old girl and my boyfriend is 24 and is in prison for the second time. When  i met him last year ,he had just come out for the first time. He and my ex best friend came knocking at my window at 4am , he was also one of my ex close friends cousin. At first i wasn't at all attracted to him , he had a very nice face but i wasn't interested in boys. But a few weeks later , i was with him and have been ever since. But it hasn't been easy , he has been in prison for 5months and since he's been in there he's changed... for the better but i don't know if he's just using me. Because before he went inside , he was with different girls, and i don't know if he's just using me while he's in there , because i do everything for him, Or if he is genuine. I don't go out anymore because he gets paranoid and thinks i'm going to cheat , when i have never during our relationships. And i've stopped talking to alot of my friends. He can really manipulate me and I hate it. And i've always said to myself i would never let a guy walk over me , and i didn't want a serious relationship at my age , but at the time he came in to my life , i was going through a really bad time , my parents where separting , my mum has health problems which mean i mainly have to look after myself , and lot's of other things so i tried to take my life. And even though at the beginning i make him sound bad ,he has another side , he was so gentle and he'd listen to me for hours and hours and advise me and wipe my tears dry. I feel as though i attached myself so quickly to him though becuse all the men in my life had left , i don't mean boyfriends ,i mean family members. And for those of you who think we were having a sexual relationship , we didn't for a while , he never forced me into anything. I blame alot of him on going to prison on his surrondings , he hung around with people that he shouldnt of, and i tried to warn him but he didn't listen. And the night i went away on holiday was the night he got put in prison, he was charged with drink driving and other past convictions such as car robbery. I accepted it , and said i would stand by him , it's 5months along the line now and im still with him he has another 8months left. I believe he can be a really good person , my family love him , he had a hard upbringing and everyone he loved left and it left him with low confidance, i have so much faith in our relationship , to prove to him were not all the same. (Because he is french) he was in the army when he was a bit younger and was in a long term relationship with a english girl who cheated on him with his two best friends ) . I write to him every week and speak everyday on the phone , and sometimes he calls me crying and i comfort him the best i can , i tell him this is only a bad stage of his life and it will pass and get better you've just got to stay strong. I try and stay strong for both of us, but i've had a lot of stuff going on since he's left , i left school because of personnel problems and my mum recently chucked me out . I know everything will get better eventually , and a year from now it will all just be a distant memory , i just hope that its sometime soon. I'm not a selfish person , i would do anything for my mum and my family even now , I would put them before myself. I have learnt to mature in an unbelievable way this past year , which has made me stronger , un selfish and more understanding , i understand a lot more what life is about. And I'm starting an apprentiship in 2months , i wan't to make something of myself so i don't have to rely on other people , cause that way you can't get disappointed. My boyfriend also has a soon , who he doesn't see much and i told him that as soon as he's out i want him to go and see him , and make an effort , that it should be him his priorty because he is the innocent child in all of this and that he should be his motivation to grow up and make something of himself , he is a beautiful little boy and is the image of my boyfriend ,he should com before me and anyone , i'm really going to encourage to do so . I speak to his parents regularly too. I wan't to proove to everyone that you can acheive anything if you want it enough.  
Luucianna Luucianna 18-21, F 17 Responses Mar 5, 2012

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Ladies get it together I'm in my late 20's been that road not all guys are the same but some will use you to get what they want just be smart.

My boyfriend is 21 & I'm 16. My boyfriend is in jail for a maximum of 3 years, but is doing 2 years out of that. I completely can relate to you 100%

I'm the same situation I just turned 16 . I meet my boyfriend throw my cousin and my best friend . He just turned 21 , he as doen many bad things but his a good guy with a good heart . My best friend told me he was going to be sentence to 10 years . Thank God his only doing 9 months . Its so hard to have him away.Its even more hard for me when he calls its heartbroken to hear his sad voice. No matter what happens I'll be by his side no matter what . I love him so much! But my friends keep telling me to not be dumb and not wait for him..idont now what to do I want to wait for him cause I love him but I don't know if I'll make a mistake on waiting for him . Any advice please?

Hey girls I'm in the same position aswell I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 23 and this is his 4th time in jail. I met him from when he was last in jail I was writing to him and we have been together ever since and I fell for him and love him with all my heart. Before I met him I didn't believe in relationships at such a young age and didn't believe you could love someone at such a young age either. Now my opinion is totally different I love my boyfriend and would do anything for him where both going through bad times as we don't know how long he is going to have to do yet but I promised I would stick by him and I'm going too and I hope he sticks by me aswell. I can't wait for us to be together again this is just a bad patch and I believe we can get through this and be strong at the end of it no matter how long it takes. I need some advice girls people who are in the same position as me because it hurts me so bad everyday I miss him so much. There is a lovely side to him and that's what I fell in love with. I hate people who judge people who have been in prison. I love him loads but its so hard I can't wait for us to be together again but feels like a life time I just hope we don't forget each other. Is there anyone else in the same position a me ? Please reply x

Hey beautiful girls,
I'm in the same suitation at the moment I'm 19years old and my boyfriend is 23 in jail. I feel like I'm getting used and taken for granted when I shouldn't be. I have had a rough childhood life being around jails in my younger years of my life. I just want some advise with people that know what I'm going through. I do the world for him, I'm very close with go family, I write to him, talk to him on the phone and try and see him and every week. This girl was visiting his friend which wasn't his gf which I know the gf he told my bf to tell me not to say anything, ever since then this relationship has just become screaming, rejecting visit and fighting or he just won't talk to me for a couple if days. I need advise girls please xx

Hey I'm In A Situation Like You, I'm 17 Now & My Boyfriend Is 24, He Is Locked Up On Drug Charges. People Said Alot About Him But I Never Gave Up I Kept Faith In Him & Our Relationship:) He Was Constantly Messing With Other Females Through Our Relationship, But He Always Knew Where Home Was. Now That He Is In Jail He Has Changed ALOT, And Wants To Get Married ASAP. His Family & I Are Very Close. Keep Doing What You Are Doing, Even Thoh The Age Is Different, To Me Age Is Nothing But A Number. Its Who Makes The Person:)

Sometimes bad things happen to good people. But sometimes they happen to people who keep making extremely poor choices, and who need to pay the consequences. <br />
One thing to keep in mind about people who wind up in prison: they keep making excuses. It's not their fault they're there, it's the his girlfriend/friends who stood them up and made them get drunk and then made them drive and get caught. <br />
It's not their fault, it's the way the grew up and the drugs they had to deal to get by, <br />
It's not their fault, it's their family's for kicking them out and making them fend for themselves. So they robbed a store, vehicle, mobile phones & etc but they knew how stupid it was. <br />
Jail is full of these "innocent victims." The real innocent victims are the children in family's who are forced to continue their lives with these people. The kids learn that it is somehow not so heinous to wind up behind bars. There's some degree of normalcy. <br />
I think these people, whether for DUI or larceny or whatever, need to do counseling or rehab or therapy and fix their lives before they attach themselves to screw up someone else's. I feel sorry for the people who love them, because they are more likely than not to be disappointed again and again and again.<br />
I have no right to force you to stay with this guy or to leave him. It's your life, you have the best feeling for yourself. only I can wish you all the best in your life.

Yoou are very true , but it does hurt me to admit it , but I and everyone else know's that it is the truth.. But people can change to , but unfortunatly i don't think he's one of them , and your right he's always making excuses, when he cheats and lies .. Thankyou for your advice .

Luucianna if you ever want to add me and just talk (I can't add you since you are a minor) please feel free to do so. It sounds like you don't really have an adult to talk about this situation with, and that you are really unsure about your life right now. The offer is open for whenever you need it. Regardless, hang in there!

Thankyou very much ! x

You are so very welcome :)

I've done it , i've broken up with him , i found out he'd been cheating with other girls , so that was the final straw for me. I don't even feel sad about it at the moment , i just feel relief .

Oh wow! Well your instinct was right... something not being quite right... Do not let him talk you into coming back to him (he WILL try) You have so much to look forward to and so many positive things to contribute in the future and right now you have a golden opportunity. In a sense, he did you a favour by cheating (first time I've ever said that lol) as you see him clearly now. Stay strong.

No he never even tried , he just said yes your right and that's it , thats what hurt the most , he didnt give a crap but ohwell , that's what's helping me move on and i'm fine :D i've accepted he won't ever change so there's no point waiting around and wasting my time . Thankyou again for everything and all your advice ! xx

Any time and I mean that :) You are so lucky to be moving on (I know it doesn't feel good right now...that's the hard part) Your whole life is ahead of you. It's really exciting :)

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Thankyou to everyone for your comments , helped me to think about a lot of different things , and even though i know you are all right , i know what i have to do but i can't bring myself to do it ? does that make sence? I can be extremly strong when I need to be , so I know that i can do it , i just need the encouragement. I know some of you may ask , about my parent's why they let me be like this , but the truth is , my relationship with my mother can be very strained from a very young age , i've had to be independant and look after myself , and sometimes be the mother , and my mother be the child , my dad's walked out on me alot , but i've always found a way to forgive him because at the end of the day i'm only ever going to have one mum or one dad , their not bad parents , they can just be selfish but then thats the human race , i know they try their best for me , but what i'm trying to say is that even though i'm only 16 they have never treated me in that way , for them i am an adult and my age is just a number , so I always have a lot of desicions to make . I have had my application for my apprentiship accepted today , i am bilinguel so im going in to translation , and becuase of my age the gouverment help pay for my logement , because i have to move further in to the city , so i am happy that i have something to motivate myself with . Thankyou all for your comments , and i'll tell you how things go !! x

I am so happy that your apprenticeship was accepted! What great news! I can tell you've had to grow up quickly and am not suprised you feel a connection with someone older. You are bright and have good potential. Do not get stuck with this guy. You need to focus on yourself. You mentioned it is hard to break up with him; perhaps you could write him a letter explaining how you feel. Do not feel guilty... you have your whole life ahead of you and you need to look after yourself for a change.

Thankyou (: It's been a good day . And i think there are going to be more ahead. Yes , in one way i feel as though he understands me better then anyone else but in other ways that can give him an advantage to manipulate me , if you get what i mean ? The thing is he has a mobile , well a smuggled mobile in prison and has it everyday , and it's not the type of thing i wan't to say to him by text , but then if i send a letter , and i've been all normal before , that's messing someone around which i don't want to do either. Theres this boy who I have been friends for for 7years since i arrived , and has always liked me but if i'm breaking up with one guy it's really not to go out with someone else , because i really don't want a boyfriend , i know it might sound a bit harsh but , i always speak how i feel .

He smuggled a phone into prison? Gahhh! I understand that you are an honourable person; it says a lot about you. If you write him a letter and are honest and upfront about how you feel, you are not messing with anybody; you are just being honest. Also... it's worth a mention that the parole board will not look kindly upon a 24 year old dating you. I genuinely feel for you... I think you are at a crossroads and have a great opportunity (apprenticeship and you are realizing this is not the relationship for you) to change your life for the better. Grab it with both hands :)

Yes when he came out on probation he managed to get one back in . Yes but its all about finding the right words , i just need to think about what to say at the moment , but it will come to me , i'm usually good with words, i just don't want to hurt him . And i don't want him to do anything stupid . Yes i've finally got to these crossroads i have been waiting a long time . Thankyou for all of your advice , it has genuinly helped me ! x

You are very welcome, I wish I could do more. The good thing about a letter is that you can write it until it says exactly what you want and nobody can change the subject or argue with you :)

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That's sad plz add me to ur friends

well add me
if you want to

It tells me I can't add u so can u add me plz

She's 16 and you have almost all sex groups. Why do you want her to add you?

exactly , no thanks . i'm not interested

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1) I'd say post this in a category that will give you relevant advice but the advice so far has been good.<br />
<br />
2) Where the HELL are your parents? There is no way my 16 year old child would be dating a 24 year old man in prison. I'd be curious as to what the judge has to say about this when/if he comes up for parole. You are a child and your parents are still responsible for you; it ****** me off to even read about this.<br />
<br />
3) This guy: in prison for robbery, drunk driving and never sees his kid. You met him when he knocked on your window at 4:00 am. Oh dear god. There is no future with him and he did not just make one mistake. Armed robbery is not a minor "misunderstanding"<br />
<br />
4) You sound like a smart girl who has made some bad decisions but it is not too late. You cannot fix this person, nor is it your job to do so. There is no future with him and you deserve more. You have your whole life ahead of you but by staying with him you are limiting yourself for the rest of your life. <br />
<br />
5) Good for you for wanting to better yourself and for starting an apprenticeship soon. Focus on this, and educating yourself. Tell this guy you need to focus on yourself for a few years (He should be telling you to do this himself by the way. Somebody who cared about you would lift you up, not drag you down).

Thankyou to everyone for your comments , helped me to think about a lot of different things , and even though i know you are all right , i know what i have to do but i can't bring myself to do it ? does that make sence? I can be extremly strong when I need to be , so I know that i can do it , i just need the encouragement. I know some of you may ask , about my parent's why they let me be like this , but the truth is , my relationship with my mother can be very strained from a very young age , i've had to be independant and look after myself , and sometimes be the mother , and my mother be the child , my dad's walked out on me alot , but i've always found a way to forgive him because at the end of the day i'm only ever going to have one mum or one dad , their not bad parents , they can just be selfish but then thats the human race , i know they try their best for me , but what i'm trying to say is that even though i'm only 16 they have never treated me in that way , for them i am an adult and my age is just a number , so I always have a lot of desicions to make . I have had my application for my apprentiship accepted today , i am bilinguel so im going in to translation , and becuase of my age the gouverment help pay for my logement , because i have to move further in to the city , so i am happy that i have something to motivate myself with . Thankyou all for your comments , and i'll tell you how things go !! x

You think things will get better?<br />
What do you think he will do for a job, just where in this economy do you think a twice imprisoned convict will be hired?<br />
Where will you live, most apartments require a tenant to be employed and submit to a background check.<br />
Do you see anything in the future beside hard work on your part and bail on his?<br />
Your friend is a loser and wants to drag you down with him, just ask yourself this if 8 years does not make such a big difference then why are you not dating any 8 year olds?

Your story saddens me, deeply. I started to reply yesterday but said to myself to hold my tongue. Today I came across your post again and decided to just be straight up with you. I mean this in the most loving way possible.<br />
<br />
You are still a child. You are still maturing. You need some life experience. No matter what you have been through in your 16 years there is so much more to life than you can imagine at this time. You are way to young to have to go through all of this. First of all, at 16 you are too young to be dating a 24 year old. He should be ashamed. In fact if you are intimate he is, in many states, breaking the law. I am 7 years older than my wife so the age difference is about the same. The thing is you are just too young to be with this guy. It is obvious he doesn't make the best decisions in the world or he wouldn't be in jail right now. Get away from him. Don't walk, run as fast as you can! He is not going to bring you lift you up, he is going to bring you down. <br />
<br />
You can not fix him! No mater what you do you can not make him better, only he can. Love will lift you up and make you a better person. You deserve the kind of love that makes you better. I realize it is hard but it is easier now than it will be in a couple of years and a couple of children later. Please, please give yourself some time to mature and get an education. Never ever be dependent on a man or anyone else. Love yourself enough not to put yourself through this kind of hell.<br />
<br />
Ken

Thankyou to everyone for your comments , helped me to think about a lot of different things , and even though i know you are all right , i know what i have to do but i can't bring myself to do it ? does that make sence? I can be extremly strong when I need to be , so I know that i can do it , i just need the encouragement. I know some of you may ask , about my parent's why they let me be like this , but the truth is , my relationship with my mother can be very strained from a very young age , i've had to be independant and look after myself , and sometimes be the mother , and my mother be the child , my dad's walked out on me alot , but i've always found a way to forgive him because at the end of the day i'm only ever going to have one mum or one dad , their not bad parents , they can just be selfish but then thats the human race , i know they try their best for me , but what i'm trying to say is that even though i'm only 16 they have never treated me in that way , for them i am an adult and my age is just a number , so I always have a lot of desicions to make . I have had my application for my apprentiship accepted today , i am bilinguel so im going in to translation , and becuase of my age the gouverment help pay for my logement , because i have to move further in to the city , so i am happy that i have something to motivate myself with . Thankyou all for your comments , and i'll tell you how things go !! x

good for you! I feel very happy reading that. Ive heard such good things about being in a translation $ job. I also understand that whole having to be the parent thing sometimes lol.

You can only do what you think is right. But be careful not to let anyone isolate you from the ones you love or from your friends. Its ok for you to have a life and pursue your dreams, even while your supporting someone you care deeply about. Don't forget about your true self. Good luck girl, stay strong!

I know everyone is trying to tell me .. but i can be stubborn ..

That's *** post add me to ur friends

what ?

That's sad plz add me to ur friends

Sweetie, I wouldn't be adding anyone in their 20's who has a lot of sex groups. Just sayin' ;-)

Honey i'm 24, ive been with the same guy since i was 15. You are way too young to be going through this! Find someone closer to your age range, this relationship will never work sweetheart.

thankyou for the advice i appreciate it .

Please give me your opinions !